In an essay published on Nerve.com, Matt Morse writes about the time he roofied his wife to save their marriage. “Roofie” is the slang term for Rohypnol, commonly known as the date rape drug. Before getting married, Morse and his wife had an adventurous sex life filled with role-play, but after marriage, he writes, “our fantasies would have to be safe, like the rest of our over-insured suburban existence.” Before she requested that he participate in her date rape fantasy, Morse and his wife hadn’t had sex in three years. When she proposed the fantasy, Morse doesn’t even blink, his mind immediately wandering to cover the details.
“To drug and abduct my wife — but which drug? Television seems to have convinced her that date-rape concoctions are ubiquitous, as if I could just run to the nearest GNC or have a box overnighted from a website in Mexico. The latter might be true, but I’d prefer not to add my name to any FBI lists. So while she’s in the bedroom, I rifle through the medicine cabinet and find a stash of giant pink pills — some sort of narcotic from the dentist — and throw a small handful into the coffee grinder. Decisions, decisions. My costume, my fake name, my fake identity — there is so much that has to be just right. Konked-out victim? Her part is child’s play. I’ll be the one who has to drive the conversation and strike the proper balance between charming and sinister, all the while maintaining some sort of backchannel of actual attraction. I douse myself in aftershave and begin humming the jingle, or what I remember of it. “There’s something about an Aqua Velva man.” Oh yes, there is: He drugs strange woman and drags them back to his lair.
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When you don’t have the money to buy a whole new outfit, it’s all about the accessories. For example, if you take a simple dress and add a jeweled brooch, you’re suddenly as stylish as Michelle Obama! The gems at 1928 Jewelry look as though you inherited your grandmother’s gorgeous baubles because they’re based on vintage jewelry from around the world. While you’ll look like a million bucks wearing this brooch, bracelet, or earrings, buying them will barely put a dent in your bank account. [prices vary, 1928 Jewelry]
We’re giving away the three 1928 Jewelry items pictured above to five readers, but you have to work if you want to shine like the top of the Chrysler Building. The five best commenters for this coming week — from today, Friday, Dec. 30 through Thursday, Feb. 5 — will be awarded with a set. So, be as clever, smart, and original as you can! Click HERE to read the official rules. Keep reading »
Guys sure love tearing into our hymens. It’s about time we do too. Because, like, it’s part of you…or at least it was until you had pre-marital sex, you tramp! Just kidding, but seriously, knowledge is power. And like Wonder Woman and She-Ra before us, we deserve Powerful Privates, right? After the jump, a crash course in what we like to call “hymenology.” Keep reading »
For the past five months I’ve been hard at work. I get up on Sundays at the crack of noon to scream and eat chicken wings. I’ve logged major couch time, tested the limits of sweat pant elasticity…all in the name of football. Am I ashamed of myself? A little. But that doesn’t mean I’m hanging up my foam finger. There’s still the Super Bowl to be played.
This Sunday, the Pittsburgh Steelers take on the Arizona Cardinals. Since 1967, the champs of the American and National football conferences have battled for bragging rights, a Tiffany and Co. championship trophy, and an “I’m Going to Disney Land” commercial.
If you haven’t been following the game but want to keep your man company on the couch, here’s a refresher on what you need to know…
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Scarlett Johannson must have read about this study that says women feel their sexiest at 32, because the 24-year-old actor wishes she was 10 years older. “I don’t feel sexy, not right now. I think there is kind of an ingenue thing that women play when they are in their 20s. They are sort of these whimsical, sort of transient characters, and it’s like that in life,” she said. Although we can’t comprehend how Johansson doesn’t feel sexy with that body and intelligence, we totally buy her reason for wanting to be older in Hollywood: “Women in their 30s, and actors in their 30s, suddenly take on far meatier roles. They are playing mothers and wives and women who have been through a life – before the place that they are at that moment. And I look forward to that time when I’ll be able to have more of a life that I have experienced to put into the roles,” she said. For someone who wants more life experiences, Johansson sure has good advise on relationships… Keep reading »
Hi, I’m Dr. V. I’m not a real doctor, I just play one on the Internet. What I am is a lady, a lady who is a fool for love! And I love nothing more than sex. My deepest desires have happily led me on many adventures in the sack, but they have also, sadly, made me one of my gyno’s most valuable players. But I’ve lived to tell the tale(s)! So, from time to time, I will dish the dirt on everything from getting freaky to getting freaked out. Now, let’s get this party started…
This week’s Dr. V was inspired by a letter I received from a lady who just started dating a guy who wasn’t circumcised. She wanted to take their love life higher, but just wasn’t sure how to lift the darn thing with all that extra material. Rest assured, my friend, all penis models work the same way. If you’re sexy to them, they’ll be sexy to you! However, an uncut penis does require extra care. So, here are some tips for naked time with a man who escaped the snip-snip. And keep those letters coming, you know I love to read your smut too! To ask me a question, email firstname.lastname@example.org. Keep reading »
According to an unscientific data from hairdresser Andrew Barton in the U.K., more women are getting their hair dyed blonde to cope with the recession. Barton has seen a 67 percent increase in the sales of his blonde hair products compared to the same time last year. “I don’t believe it is purely a coincidence that there’s been a huge sales rise in blonde hair products during these tough financial times,” said Barton. “Many of my female clients say they feel more confident, more youthful and more attractive when they go blonde and they get more attention.” And, as we all know, more attention from men, means more free drinks and dinners. However, it technically would cost more to dye your hair than it would to leave it your natural color, plus blonde hair is much more expensive to maintain, so you also would have more money if you decided to go back to being a brunette. Yes, you’d probably get less attention, but you wouldn’t have to endure two hours of conversation with a man you don’t even like just to eat. Decisions, decisions. [Telegraph U.K.] Keep reading »
As you’ve probably heard, seven people were poisoned in Japan eating blowfish this week. What part of the blowfish, you might ask? The testicles.
In some cultures, like China and Serbia, it’s believed that eating testicles increases sexual vigor due to the high levels of testosterone they hold. King Louis XV and his lover Madame de Pompidour ate ram’s jewels in the Palace of Versailles before le sex. In modern times, it’s believed that castrating beef cattle helps fatten and tenderize their beef. Why waste some good gonads if you’ve already chopped them off?
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I’m a big fan of the old “Thin Man” movies from the 30′s and ’40′s. If you haven’t seen them, they’re about Nick Charles, a wry and debonair detective who enjoys martinis, solving convoluted murder plots, and spending time with his lanky wife Nora. I can take or leave the murder mystery element of the films; what I really love are Nick and Nora as a couple. They have a certain rapport that you don’t see between a man and a woman in too many movies, past or present. Nora isn’t just standing around breathlessly, waiting to be taken care of, nor is she rolling her eyes at Nick’s antics, waiting for him to hurry up and grow up. They tease each other, are interested in each other, seem attracted to each other, and occasionally like to get soused together. Who (apart from teetotalers) wouldn’t like to have this type of relationship with his or her partner? I watched a DVD extra on “The Thin Man” after I bought the box set and a commenter put it perfectly into words: “‘The Thin Man’ made marriage look sexy.’” Keep reading »