Zergnet: Simply Irresistible
My honey bunny threw out his back this weekend moving heavy boxes into our new apartment and literally couldn’t move unassisted for 48 hours. Despite my lack of qualifications for the job, I became the de facto meal-maker, bath-giver, walker-to-the-bathroom, and all around nursemaid.
Luckily for us both, I passed the Not Nurse Ratched test with flying colors. He’s back on his feet, albeit in a shuffle-y, wobble-y kind of way.
I’ve heard that saying that if a couple really wants test its compatibility, they should go on a week long vacation to a foreign country together. But actually, I think one partner nursing the other back to health is a better indication! Surprise, surprise, you don’t need a nurse’s uniform (though he’d probably like that) to take care of a sick dude. But you do need love, patience…and a bulls**t detector. Keep reading »
I think Wednesday is my favorite day of the week, ’cause once it’s over, it’s almost Friday, kinda. It’s also a great day because tabloids remind me that no matter how bad my life can be, at least no one cares about the trouble I’ve been getting into—unlike Jennifer, Jessica, and (Michael) Jackson. And they’re not concerned with my ever expanding/decreasing waistline like Khloe. But I guess that’s why they get paid the big bucks, because by being famous, they’ve given up their rights to privacy and their right to not have me go through their trash. Sorry guys! Keep reading »
When it comes to exercising, rarely do we expect fun. But getting our asses to the gym is bad enough without having to stuff the girls into ill-fitting sports bras, cutting off circulation and inspiring fits of anger while we’re operating heavy machinery. Large-chested girls everywhere know what we’re talking about: sports bra feels more like an industrial support device than workout wear. Well, Lululemon’s as sick of that as you are. The brand, purveyors of fancy dance, yoga and running wear, have just released their famed Ta Ta Tamer sports bra in sizes up to DD. We tried one out and our breasts felt pretty damn tamed but — and here’s the twist — the bra wasn’t so tight and uncomfortable that we couldn’t breathe while wearing it! [$58, Lululemon]
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Aubree O’Day is the latest celebrity to get a crappy tattoo in a dumb place on her body — she posted these photos on her Twitter which show her getting “Je ne sais quoi” inked on her middle finger. That means “I know not what” in French. I know not what to say about this other than WHATevs. Keep reading »
It’s time for a new Harry Potter movie, which opened at midnight last night/this morning, and judging from the posters/trailers, this will be the one with all the sex in it. Right? I don’t really follow the Rowling’s continuum but from what I gather, when young wizards hit puberty they make out and have sexual urges just like you and me.
While I can still recall the first HP film and how young Harry and Ron and those kids looked, that was (almost) a decade before last fall, when the titular actor showed off his little Daniel Radcliffe to audiences on two different continental stages in the play Equus . That was a big deal! We’re in an era in which Jason Siegel flashing his penis in “Forgetting Sarah Marshall” or seeing a quick glimpse of manhood from Kim Cattrall’s lust-object in “Sex and the City” barely garners an R-rating. Yet there was something about Radcliffe’s decision to bare-all in that horse sex play: It was almost the boy’s Bar Mitzvah. Last fall, Daniel Radcliffe made the decision to become “a man.” Keep reading »
Hustler, who brought you “Nailin’ Paylin” and The XXX Cosby Show featuring The F**kstables, has finally spoofed another pop culture coochie: Lindsay Lohan. While LiLo used to be one of the hardest working girls in show business, now it seems she can’t even get a role playing herself in a porno! Although, maybe this adult movie has finally figured out the timeless Hollywood career question, “Who Do I Have To Blow To Get A Job Around Here?” Answer: Samantha Ronson, Scarlett Johansson, Paris Hilton, and porn king of peens, Ron Jeremy. Hm, we think they forgot top dog producer Harvey Weinstein…. Keep reading »
A recent article in Marie Claire magazine narrates the stories of three divorced mothers who gave up custody of their children—Maria Housden left her girls to their father in order to recover from the death of one of her daughters, Elle Hull decided to leave her kids with her ex-husband so that she could rebuild her formerly-falling apart life, and Rebekah Spicuglia gave up custody in order to go back to school.
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While you’d love to achieve that dewy look in the summer, when it’s 90-plus degrees out, most of the time, “dewy” turns into “drenched in sweat.” There are two solutions for beating this beauty dilemma: become a hermit who never leaves her climate-controlled house, or invest in some anti-shine products that will keep your face matte. You choose.
- Create a solid base with Rimmel’s new Stay Matte foundation, a heavy-duty, shine-free formula that lasts for 12 hours. (There’s also a Stay Matte powder you can try coupling it with.) [$6.99, Walgreens.com]
- If you don’t need a base color, but just want your natural skin to be less tacky, brush on Smashbox’s Anti-Shine powder-gel, a professional-grade product that absorbs surface shine. [$27, Sephora.com]
- Lock in the look with a top-notch anti-shine powder like Yves Saint Laurent Matt Touch. Anti-sebo sponge properties absorb oil and perspiration. [$40-$57, Sephora.com]
If anyone ever had a reason not to get back with an ex, I did. He was the quintessential on-and-off Bad Boyfriend and not only were all my friends painfully aware of this fact, when he dumped me on the same day my father died (think Jessica and Tony birthday sitch x 10), then again after a similar life tragedy, it had finally become clear to me as well. I moved on fast. Literally days after he’d hit me with yet another, “I can’t do this anymore,” I somehow managed to enter into a relationship with a man who was easygoing and ridiculously sweet, so I hardly had time to mourn. I wouldn’t normally recommend rebounding as a heartbreak cure-all, but in this case it definitely helped remind me that the ex was Not. For. Me. My work was exciting, glamorous and rewarding. I was in my early-to-mid 20s. I had amazing friends. I lived in New York. Things were kind of perfect. I was so much happier without my ex.
That’s when he began to stalk me. Keep reading »