Quote Of The Day: The Many Incarnations Of Madonna

The woman was… a living collect-them-all doll collection…. from Jellybean Benitez Madonna to Madonna of the Boy Toy Belt, Unshaved Leaked Photos Madonna, Madonna masturbating on a wedding cake, bouncing beside the waves in “Cherish,” dancing with the little boy in “Open Your Heart,” Who’s That Girl Eyebrows Madonna, Ideal Brunette Madonna (my favorite) saving Black Jesus in that incredible slip, Banned by the Pope! Madonna, “Vogue” Madonna, Fritz Lang Madonna, Wrapped-Plastic Sex-Book Madonna, Shame-Free BDSM Madonna, Sandra Bernhard–BFF Madonna, Bratty Letterman-Taunting Madonna, Self-Mocking Wayne’s World Madonna, the Madonna Who Ate Your Exotic Culture (“Vogue,” “Rain,” “La Isla Bonita”), Abused Sean Penn Madonna of the Helicopters, Contrarian I’m Gonna Keep My Baby Teen-Slut Madonna, Secretly Pregnant While Filming Evita Madonna, Underappreciated Dick Tracy/Sondheim Madonna, Water-Bottle-Fellating Truth or Dare Madonna (with Warren Beatty accessory), Bad Actress Madonna (Wax-Coated/Mamet), Momma Madonna, Kabbalah Esther, British Madge, and on and on….

But soon the bad Madonnas were pouring out in a rush: Lady of the Countryside Madonna, Tone-Deaf Antiwar Madonna, and particularly Hard Body and Plastic Surgery Madonna of the Purple Bodysuit…. There was Never Grow Old Madonna, turning 50. There was Healthy Yoga Madonna, which I couldn’t trust, because she was hard to distinguish from Baby-Cheeks Botox Madonna…

But while other female icons fade, fold, or fossilize into camp, for better or worse, Madonna seems determined to do something unsettling and new: spin to the center of the dance floor, till the end.

– Emily Nussbaum in her fantastic New York article, “Justify My Love,” about her love/hate relationship with Madonna. Keep reading »

Try This: Chilled Body Spray

This makes so much sense. It’s a wonder we didn’t think of it before. An easy way to keep cool this summer (especially if you don’t have air conditioning … we feel your pain), is to store a body or face spray in the fridge. That way, you can get an icy spritz that also combats the body odor you’ve inevitably worked up from the heat. You can do it with perfume as well, but it’s generally more refreshing with a light, almost watery, fragrance.

Our suggestion: Chantecaille pure rose water, a fancy, completely botanical blend that moisturizes and refreshes. [$50, Chantecaille, NeimanMarcus.com] [Editor: For a cheaper fix, we also swear by Evian's mister, $15 at Sephora, which hydrates and whisks away perspiration, which is kind of crazy great.] Keep reading »

Love Nest: Creative Side Table You May Already Own

This weekend, I spent an embarrassing amount of time online trolling through photos of other people’s homes looking for inspiration—and another excuse to repaint or reupholster or re-anything my own apartment—and I happened upon this photo. I immediately zeroed in on their side tables and realized that they’re actually file folder cabinets! They’re the perfect storage solution (to go all “Container Store” lingo on you) for a tight living room—all you need is a little DIY love to make them work. Pick up a can of spray paint (I’m always a fan of color, bypass the blah whites and beige paints), and spray over the usually grim-looking, office-y finish. Throw a lamp on top and—voila!—you’ve got yourself tables with loads space to hide, well, whatever it is you don’t want people seeing. [Apartment Therapy] Keep reading »

RAGE Trailer Riduculous In A Rather Entertaining Way

There is a new movie coming out on September 24th. It is called rage. It looks full on ridiculous. With the aid of many colored backdrops and pseudo-deep statements from interviewees at the scene, a blogger working in a New York fashion house records the events surrounding a murder. Starring the likes of a tranny-fied Jude Law, model Lily Cole still attempting to act, Judi Dench being awesome and Steve Buscemi making you feel skeevy, the thing is jam-packed with celebrities you never wanted to see together in one movie.

Check out the trailer and a few choice bits from it after the jump. Keep reading »

Ask The Astrosexologist: Should My Libra Lover And I Go Our Separate Ways?

I am an Aries (3/28/89 at 4:25 a.m.) and the guy is a Libra (10/2/1987). We’ve been dating for two years. However, since late last year, he has been having what I call an “early life crisis.” He wants to hang out with his friends and he restarted his friendship with an ex-girlfriend; there is hardly time for us anymore. Our last conversation became heated when we didn’t listen to what each other had to say. I ranted about how I felt about the direction of our relationship, but the conversation soured quickly. He wants to “figure things out.”

He is learning to grow up on his own after a difficult life with his family. He understands that our relationship has become problematic, and he repeatedly explains that he’s just confused on the direction of his life. I’ve been really patient with him for the past couple months, but I do not know how much longer I can be. I’d like to sit down and talk things out with him, but there’s no effort by him to do so. I feel conflicted on what to do — can we reconcile as a couple or are we better off on our own separate ways? – Confused Aries Keep reading »

We Have A Crush On Sienna Miller’s Closet

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Sienna Miller has been crisscrossing the globe this past week, promoting her upcoming film “G.I. Joe” in Australia, Japan, Germany, and England. While we don’t agree with all of her life decisions, specifically all that traipsing around topless with a married man, we can get behind her clothing choices. Lately, she’s ditched her usual boho style in favor of tailored pants and oversized gray tank tops. There’s little chance we’ll watch “G.I. Joe,” but you’ll definitely see us copping outfits that look awfully similar to Sienna’s.

Star Couplings: Kim Kardashian And Reggie Bush Are Done!

  • Kim Kardashian and Reggie Bush have broken up because of conflicting schedules and different life paths. [Dlisted] — What a cop-out excuse! If two people really want to be together, then they’ll find a way to make it work. Maybe Kim is suffering from the “narcissism epidemic.”
  • Dang, man! Tony Romo reportedly banned Jessica Simpson from his gated community, but a source says that was pointless because Jessica didn’t want to see him. She paid $19,000 to overnight her stuff from Dallas to L.A. [PopEater] — Well it’s nice to know dudes are just as petty as women. Let’s give them the “you’re crazy” label.
  • Bachelorette Jillian made her choice last night on the season finale. We think she played it safe. [The Frisky]

Keep reading »

Quick Pic: Two Low-Brow Icons Come Together

Debbie Rowe in the Three Wolf Moon T-shirt. Does it get any better? [Los Angeles, 7/27/09]
Keep reading »

Gallery: Celebs Who’ve Kicked It With Obama

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According to this weekend’s New York Times, Barack Obama has had more celebrity visitors in the White House than any President before him. Let’s take a look at who’s come a-calling, shall we? Here goes, in no particular order.

George Clooney scored a private meeting with the Prez to talk about the situation in Darfur. Clooney brought a house-warming gift with him—250,000 postcards from people who want Obama to do something about this cause. We’re sure he read all of them. [Washington Times]

 

What Crazy Lengths Have You Gone To Just To Avoid An Ex?

We told you about his womanizing at the Royal Ascot Horse Race, but now Simon Cowell has even gone and outdone himself. The “American Idol” judge invited 17 of his ex-girlfriends to his 50th birthday shindig this weekend. You know he just wants his ex-gfs to fight over who gets to do him on his birthday. Or maybe he’ll make America vote them off one by one? Lame.

Seriously, what kind of celebration is that? Sure, it’s one thing if you cross paths with someone you dated and say hello, but it’s quite another to rub them all in each other’s faces.

I, for one, have gone to extreme lengths to avoid my exes. Heck, I’ve literally turned into a ninja to avoid bumping into one ex, who works right around the corner from my gynecologist. Can you imagine seeing him then? Keep reading »

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