George Clooney’s Presidential Campaign Slogan: “I Drank The Bong Water”

“I didn’t live my life in the right way for politics, you know. I f**ked too many chicks and did too many drugs, and that’s the truth … [I] would start from the beginning by saying, ‘I did it all. I drank the bong water. Now let’s talk about issues.’ That’s gonna be my campaign slogan: ‘I drank the bong water.’”

George Clooney tells Newsweek that, as a celebrity, he hopes to bring attention to parts of the world like the Sudan. But he says he has no intentions of ever running for office. I dunno, George. I think that slogan is pretty catchy. [Newsweek] Keep reading »

Teen Proposes Girls Carry Guns To Prevent Rape

Oh, girls just wanna have gu-u-uns! Oh, girls just wanna have guns! So says Regis Giles, a 19-year-old conservative activist with a unique new idea to protect women and girls from prowling rapists: equip them with guns. The telegenic lass hails from an esteemed lineage: the blog Guanabee reports she is “the younger sister of the woman posing as a prostitute at ACORN and the daughter of Doug Giles, a Christian motorcyclist who called Sarah Palin-hating women ‘shemales’.” On her web site, Girls Just Want To Have Guns, she has posted a video of herself (which you can watch after the jump) speaking at CPAC, a recent conference for conservatives, in which she rails, “I’m sick and tired of seeing defenseless girls being abducted in broad daylight by some fruity freak aroused by raping and murdering them!” Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: Why You’re Not Married

The reason you’re not married yet is because I don’t really care why you’re not married and no one else does, either. Seriously, nobody cares. You shouldn’t care. Marriage isn’t a tiara. It’s not a ribbon to cut or one of those big novelty lottery checks. You don’t “deserve” a husband. You’re not Veruca Salt. You should be happy with whatever life gives you, because the only thing you truly “deserve” is a grave, although there just aren’t enough funeral pyres in these modern times. But I don’t want you to freak out. If you’re not married, or single, or unhappy, then life is working out as it should. No one has a right to happiness. As Americans, we only have a right to the pursuit of happiness. This explains why we love cars so much. The road trip is more important than the tourist trap. Enjoy the view. Roll down the window. Keep reading »

Adele Turns 21, Gives You A Gift

I am a sucker for British broads with big voices and a retro vibe. Of this genre, Adele is by far and away my favorite. You’d think that an album titled 21—as in, her age when she recorded it last year—would be hopelessly naive but instead it is totally gorgeous and dripping with mature emotion. The record kicks off with “Rolling in the Deep,” a power soul track about the end of a relationship that can basically be summed up with the words “your loss.” Oh, and her cover of The Cure’s “Lovesong” is just divine. Overall, listening to this album is more healing than burning all the pictures of your ex. Though you can still do that, too.

[$7.99 Amazon]

American Apparel’s New Swimwear Ad Goes Topless

topless American Apparel ad

American Apparel‘s new swimwear ads are here and—OMG, are those nipples?! Yes, the gratuitously provocative ad department at American Apparel has brought us a topless model for spring. Let’s all pretend we’re freethinking Europeans and not have a cow about this, OK? Personally, I could care less about headlights in advertising, but the first thing I look for when buying a bathing suit is how am I not going to flash everyone. [Fashionista] Keep reading »

15 Things A Guy Could Say That Would Make Us Fall Truly, Madly, Deeply In Love

Sometimes I think it’s a shame that men don’t know how easy it could be to make us to fall truly, madly, deeply in love … just by saying the right thing every now and then. Of course, they’d have to mean it. But that’s just a minor detail. After the jump, some real zingers that would send us to La La Land if we ever heard them. Add yours in the comments. A girl can dream, can’t she? Keep reading »

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