Make Every Bottle Magical

Yeah, we definitely need a Screwnicorn, the love child of a unicorn and corkscrew. This clever bottle opener combines our childhood love of unicorns with our adult love of wine. A magical, mystical drinking experience is guaranteed for all. Unfortunately, rainbows are not included. But you should have fun saying things like, “Please pass the Screwnicorn” or “Let me Screwnicorn that bottle for you.”

[$9.95 Vat19.com]

On-Air Penis Size Joke = A Real Life “Anchorman” Moment

Meet Belinda Heggen, my new hero. During an on-air broadcast about an Australian soccer player and a little urn he received as an honor, Belinda cracked a joke about her co-anchor’s dick size. I love how she says this with a complete straight face — get this woman a raise! [Salon via The Daily What] Keep reading »

What’s Your Inner Age?

I have this theory that everyone has an inner age that best captures their essence. You are born your inner age and remain it throughout your life, regardless of your outer age. I’ve identified the inner age of everyone important in my life. My mom is 16, my dad is 21, my brother is 35, and me? I am eternally eight years old. If you spend the day with me, you’ll agree. I am a clumsy goof-ball. I like to flap around the room and pretend I’m a bird. I still laugh at poop jokes. I live for birthday cake. I’m eight. I was once in a relationship with a guy whose inner age was 80. He moved slowly, liked quiet time, and ate wheat bran every morning. Our inner age gap caused problems for us from time to time, like when I woke him up in the morning by steamrolling him. As you might imagine, grandpa didn’t like that so much. So how do you determine your inner age? Find out how, after the jump. Keep reading »

Justin Bieber Says Abortion Is Killing A Baby, Loves Canada’s Health Care

Justin Bieber: I really don’t believe in abortion. It’s, like, killing a baby?
Rolling Stone: How about in cases of rape?)
JB: Um. Well, I think that’s really sad, but everything happens for a reason. I guess I haven’t been in that position, so I wouldn’t be able to judge that.

Oof. “Everything happens for a reason”? Really? I may not care about your opinions on abortion, but the world’s population of 11-year-old girls sure does. Isn’t this heavy stuff for the “Hannah Montana” crowd?

After the jump, Justin also sounded off to Rolling Stone about the American vs. Canadian health care systems. Keep reading »

Lil’ Kim Chops Off Nicki Minaj’s Head On New Album Cover

Nicki Minaj has repeatedly said she doesn’t understand how the beef between her and Lil’ Kim started. (“You see Gaga, you see Madonna—but Madonna never hated on Gaga,” she said. “Why in the black community we gotta hate on each other instead of saying ‘Thank you for showing me love, thank you for keeping my name alive?’”) Well, Lil’ Kim just took the rivalry to the next level. She not only titled her new mixtape Black Friday—Nicki’s album is Pink Friday—but on the cover, she shows Nicki with her head severed. Nicki’s pink head lays on the floor a few feet away and blood is splattered everywhere. Kim, of course, is holding a bloody sword. What do you think—okay or too much? [PopEater, MTV] Keep reading »

18 Celebrity Stoners

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Lady Gaga is not ashamed to admit that she gets great ideas when she smokes the green. “I still smoke a lot of pot when I write music … So I’m not gonna, like, sugar coat it for ’60 Minutes’ that I’m some, like, sober human being, ’cause I’m not,” she told Anderson Cooper during her recent interview. I’m not mad at her. If a little Mary Jane helps her hatch brilliant ideas, like arriving at the Grammys in a primordial egg, I say, “Light up, Lady Gaga!” (As for us mere mortals? Don’t do drugs!) After the jump, a few more celebrities who love getting lifted. [Huffington Post]
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