Sex Mustard, Albino Lipstick, Genetic Shower: 18 Revolting Terms For Sperm

Last week, we read about a woman who claimed her yogurt sample tasted like semen. We haven’t touched yogurt since then and it may take us a while before we do. The best thing to cum, er, come out of that unfortunate semen story were some fun (read as revolting) descriptives for man juice found in the comments, such as “hot phlegm” and “salty trash can water.” In case you weren’t grossed out enough already by these unappetizing descriptives, we put together a list of the some disturbing slang terms for spunk. Add yours in the comments. Keep reading »

I Knew I Wasn’t Crazy; There Is A Preferred Toilet Paper Orientation

As we discussed a couple of weeks ago, toilet paper is amongst the top 10 argument triggers for couples. It sounds petty, but a roll of toilet paper facing the wrong direction is a personal call to arms for me. I did a little research and as it turns out, I am not just a neurotic psycho. There is a preferred way to put toilet paper on the roll … MY WAY! Sixty to 70 percent of American consumers surveyed prefer their roll “over.” People who like their roll “under” were found to have a scientific correlation with ownership of a recreational vehicle or a cat. Very random, but it makes perfect sense. I would never be caught dead owning one of the aforementioned. And I would certainly never be caught orienting my toilet paper “under.” How about you? Are you an “over” or an “under”? [Wikipedia] Keep reading »

PETA Wants To Run Commercial Of Hot Girls Fellating Vegetables During the Super Bowl


You work that carrot, baby! In 2009, PETA was willing to pay millions to run a commercial during the Super Bowl of scantily clad women making out with vegetables. The networks declined to air “Veggie Love” — think of the children! — but now PETA is trying again with an “outtakes” video. Once again they’ve upset the delicate balance between animal rights/objectifying women. But when it comes to PETA, what else is new? Hey, how many meateaters became vegans or vegetarians because a bikini model fellated a stick of celery? [BuzzFeed] Keep reading »

How Do You Know You Really Like Someone?

One of the things I’ve been thinking about during this drinking/dating/sex sabbatical of mine is how you know you actually like someone. I’ve come to realize that in addition to being an extreme emotions junkie, I’m what Dr. Drew might call a “love-a-holic.” A motivating factor in my desire to sleep with someone is for that amazing but temporary feeling of love and desire and wholeness that washes over me when I’m in bed with them. I lovvvvve the feeling of being in love, feeling love, having a crush, etc. Looking back, I’ve felt love for people that I barely know, let alone know well enough to deduce if I actually like them. So, in the last 20 days of being sober and date/sex-free, I’ve felt the feelings of liking someone hit me and instead of obsessing over them and rolling around in that feeling of like, I’ve tried to think about why I have that feeling. Keep reading »

I’m Secretly Excited To See “Never Say Never”


I thought I was immune to the charms of boy idol, Justin Bieber, and then I saw the trailer for his new movie “Never Say Never.” It’s like “8 Mile,” for the middle class ‘tween set. All it took was two 3-second clips of him drumming on a kitchen chair at the age of four and busking on a street corner at age eight to get me all choked up. The next thing I knew I was cruising the web to find out when and where I could catch the film. It opens February 11th, by the way. Looks like I’ve got Valentine’s Day plans after all. Arrgghh! What’s happening to me? How did I get reeled in to Bieberland? I know I’m a sucker for an underdog story, but does a 16-year-old pop superstar really qualify as an underdog? Does anyone else think “Never Say Never” looks amazing or have I just lost it? Keep reading »

Why Are Politicians Attempting To Redefine Rape?

The “No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion Act” redefines “real” rape as only that which is “forcible” and has been co-sponsored by 173 mostly Republican legislators and was called a “top priority” by Speaker of the House John Boehner. Likely knowing that fully criminalizing abortion is impossible, politicians are going after the funding of abortions in certain cases of rape and incest. Slipped a roofie and raped while you are unconscious? Raped while you are blackout drunk and unable to consent? Sexually assaulted by your uncle at age 19? If you are poor and need governmental funding to help terminate a pregnancy resulting from this horrific acts, there will be no help for you.

I hope your breakfast is sitting well with you, because you’re about to get queasy if you read on. Keep reading »

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