For The Week Of August 31-September 6, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your patience is running thin. To remain intact, realize it’s time to make a compromise or a total cut in your emotional dealings. No, it won’t be as painless as you’d wish, but trust it won’t be as harsh as you imagine. Don’t be scared of making the change, because if you don’t make that move now, the universe will do it for you and it won’t be as compassionate.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Emotionally, you’ll be too drained to deal with the nitty-gritty of life. Then, to also have to deal with picking up the slack for someone else who you already know isn’t as capable as you, that’s just another drama. However, options always abound and unless you look to see the obvious, then you can consider this week a peek into your Christmas future.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your cynicism will get a shock to its system as all that bulls**t you’ve been through, which has caused a callus to form over your heart, will start to get diffused by a miraculous romantic concoction. You’ll be wondering if you’ve stepped into an alternate reality. Sure, it might last a day, or it might last forever. The point is to keep an open mind.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your optimism for love is like a bulletproof vest that protects you from shots of reality that would have others, who have no vision, running for the hills. This week, though, even you will take the grave wrong turn. But it will give you the clarity to see that someone isn’t truly all that.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Be careful of saying things you feel at the moment you feel them. Seems this week your emotions will be too unpredictable and changeable to make any promises, which can cause a major upset if you reveal too much. As it goes, you won’t be in a place to make any solid commitments — even though it might feel like it one minute, your mind will change in another.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

There will be subtle jabs at your confidence from an undermining source — someone who you thought had your back. While this duplicity will anger and upset you, don’t react suddenly. Be gracious about separating yourself from this bad energy, as it won’t be worth confronting. Rather, use this knowledge as power to beat them at their own game. Show them who’s the master.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You’ve seen all sides to the case in dispute. Now it’s time to call all your inner voices in for a huddle to get to the verdict. Dealing once and for all with your state of distress will set you into fight or flight mode. However, do realize that you must be prudent, as all sales are final with no exceptions made.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

If you find yourself living in your own version of Groundhog’s Day — where everything just repeats itself over and over again, and no matter how many different ways you approach the situation, you always wind up at the same place — don’t fret! A change is coming. It will pull all you’ve learned into perfect order, finally making sense of your madness, at least just a little.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Drama hits your friendship and this time it won’t be as easy to gloss over as in the past. It might be time that you have to let someone go or, at the least, take a time out. Whichever the case, emotions will be running high. The more you allow yourself to vent and f**k the pain away, the more you will ensure yourself of landing on your feet.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Being able to think for the greater good is vital for you right now, as it’ll win you the trust you seek. Otherwise, just going for instant gratification won’t win you any fans, or any true satisfaction. As it goes, right now is about laying down tracks that will make a solid foundation for your future. If you can’t see that straight, then realize you’re probably barking up the wrong tree.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Throw a party for yourself this week because there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. An epiphany is due to you! It will give you a sense of clarity you haven’t had in ages. However, you must be prepared for whatever lesson you will learn, as there is no stopping the caboose now, as now it’s all about fast-tracking.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

If you have someone to boogie down with, do so. This is a hot week to get your groove on and really work out the tension in the deepest parts of your psyche and body. Let loose and get as freaky as you’d like to, because the more you let your imagination run you wild, the more control you will feel you have over your fate. It’s sometimes about ending so you can begin again.

Roxanne’s Revenge: Former Hip-Hop Artist Doesn’t Get Angry, She Gets A PhD

Some stories make me want to run through the streets screaming “Take that ‘the man’!” This is one of them. Before Salt-N-Peppa were pushin’ it and Lil’ Kim was blowing your mind with her dirty bird lyrics, Roxanne Shante was blowing up the airwaves with her single “Roxanne’s Revenge.” She was just 14 at the time (it was 1984), and even though the song was a hit and her future looked promising, she didn’t achieve the same fame and fortune as the female hip-hoppers that followed in her footsteps. After some shady business (lying, stealing her royalties, the usual) with her record label, Warner Brothers, she realized that they were slippery bastards. By 19, she was a bitter has-been—a broke teenage mother living in the projects. But Roxanne decided to truly get revenge when she found a life-saving clause in her contract, which stated that the record label would fund her education for life. Keep reading »

Assad Mounser Jewelry Line Teaches Us A Lesson

We guess good things come to those who don’t wait. A year ago, Brooklynite Amanda Assad was working as a publicist for New York-based shoe designer Alejandro Ingelmo (check out his ultra high, dangerously sexy heels if you haven’t already). She started making jewelry in her spare time, and voilà! Now her oversize multiple charm necklaces (like this amazing rosary-inspired piece available at Otteny) are showing up in major fashion editorials, such as this one in Purple magazine. So I think we’ve all learned a very valuable lesson here today. Don’t slack! What’s your big idea? Keep reading »

The Futuristic, Fashionable Version Of Crocs

Architect Zaha Hadid is known for designing notable buildings and structures around the world, but lately she’s had an interest in fashion. Hadid created the container for Chanel Mobile Art, which traveled to Hong Kong, Tokyo, and New York and involved contemporary artists’ takes on the luxury brand’s classic quilted bag. Now, she’s designing accessories of her own in a partnership with Brazilian shoe company Melissa. The shoe company already produces crazy plastic shoes, and with Hadid’s help, they get even more futuristic. These aren’t cheap rubber Crocs, either, at $300 a pair. We won’t be at all surprised if we see these on Uhura‘s feet in the next Star Trek movie. [Epaulet via] Keep reading »

Doin’ It With Dr. V: Love Hurts & Sex Bruises

This week I got a letter from a lady who is learning that love may hurt, but sex can leave a bruise: “I met a guy who’s shaping up to be pretty awesome. Except, he squeezed my boobs so hard the other night that i woke up the next morning with black and blue bruises from where his fingers were. Needless to say, next time I see him, we’ll be having a little chit-chat. Or will we? Because when I look in the mirror instead of thinking, ‘Ew, those nasty marks are GROSS!’, my thought process is more along the lines of, ‘Hell yeah, I got some last night!’ I generally have the same reaction when I get hickeys, even if it’s a pain to cover them up and they look horrendous. Is it strange to take pleasure in getting sex scars?”

Yeah! You got some! [Insert victory dance here.] Meanwhile, I was just watching “Project Runway.”

Anyway, I once was in love with a biter. One night, he chomped down on my nips so hard I couldn’t wear a bra for two days. It hurt so good that I’m not even embarrassed to say I like the John Mellencamp song of the same name! No need to be disgusted by yourself. Maybe you’re just discovering that you’re into S&M like a lot of peeps, including yours truly. Psst, I’m an easy bruiser too.

Battle wounds are cool, and love marks are a source of pride — that is, unless they embarrass you at the office. Here’s how I cover ‘em up to save corporate face… Keep reading »

Five Acceptable First Date Lies

Meredith Goldstein, the relationship columnist over at the Boston Globe, recently received a letter from a guy (whom we shall refer to as “Guy”) caught up in a lie-induced love pickle. The lie (that Guy was a rock star who’d just signed a major record deal and was about to go on tour) was not, in fact, one that he made up. Rather, the acquaintance who introduced him to the girl/lie victim chose to stretch the truth (Guy is, in actuality, an independent singer/songwriter who would like to be a famous rock star). Read more

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    The French Make Mail Smell Good With Chocolate-Scented Stamps

    The French have every right to be proud of their national cuisine, and have no problems boasting of its glory. So much so that the country’s post office has just come out with a chocolate-themed stamp collection to celebrate the key ingredient (are you dreaming of rich, flaky chocolate croissants yet?). Designed to look like a fancy bar of chocolate, the limited-edition stamps are also scented! Sending love letters can be even sweeter now.

    So what would happen if the USPS decided to make a scratch n’ sniff stamp collection honoring American cuisine? Hot Pocket-flavored mail? [] Keep reading »

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