Zergnet: Simply Irresistible
I’ve told you all about Legendary Rock Star Penises and Actor Wangs, but that’s a pretty big blotch covering Russell Brand’s crotch. Sadly, it’s pricey to see this steamy naked photo we found on a paparazzi site, sans watermark. So, I’m going to take up a collection, Frisky gals. Put me down for 20 smackers! [Los Angeles, 9/14/09]
I guess it’s time for me to give up the dream that Jillian Harris will realize marrying Ed Swiderski is a BIG mistake and run back into the arms of Reid Rosenthal. In light of a million warning signs, “Bachelorette” Jillian is blindly plodding forward with Ed. Yup. She’s moving into his condo this week. [Insert blood-curdling scream here.] In regards to taking this huge step in their relationship, Jillian says, “I can start [having] a real life again. I’m looking forward to some sort of normalcy –- making dinners, waking up early, cleaning house. It’s perfect.” [People]
Jillian … eek! There is a difference between “leap of faith” and “blind faith.” As those of us who have lived together know, living with Ed is not likely to be the “perfect” arrangement she’s expecting. Even all those cute pillows from Pottery Barn won’t change the fact that Ed is either gay or a two-timer. Sigh. We have to let her make her mistakes. But because I have a soft spot for her, I thought the least I could do is give some advice on how to survive the first week living together. Keep reading »
If you’ve ever heard someone’s snicker followed by a mumbled “… yeah like rabbits” and rolled your eyes, well, roll your eyes no more. At first glance this Bunny Sutra Watch looks like another snazzy Swatch watch to add to your collection. Upon investigation, you’ll find that these cute and cuddly bunnies aren’t so innocent – they’re engaging in some rather interesting positions. Trust us: You will definitely know what time it is from now on. The only snag is that after its massive sellout on the Swatch site you may have to do a bit of surfing to find a good deal. Here’s one to get you started. [$190, SwatchAndBeyond.com] Keep reading »
Tori Spelling and supermodel Veronica Webb appear to be watching two different shows from the front row at Christian Siriano this weekend. [NYC, 9/12/09] Keep reading »
Over the weekend, I got an urgent letter from a lady who thinks she might be knocked-up. Here’s what she wrote:
“My boyfriend always pulls out when we’re having sex. He’s usually super reliable, but last night he slipped up and came inside me. I freaked at him, but then this morning I got my period, thank god. So I’m in the clear, right?”
Um, sorry hot stuff, the answer is no. You can get preggers even during your period. I know, it sucks, but that’s why I’m urgently answering your email. Lucky for you, there’s the morning-after pill (aka, Plan B). It’s an over-the-counter miracle! By preventing conception, it stops you from having to answer that existential question: Should I be a mom, right now? Keep reading »
In a supreme stroke of moronic-ness, this Friday Alabama’s Supreme Court upheld a 1998 ban on selling sex toys on Friday. It’s still perfectly legal to go Down South on yourself in private, thank God. But Alabama’s highest court said the legislature is allowed to ban the sale of sex tales in public, meaning it’s a crime to sell someone a vibrator or a paddle! A sex shop in Hoover, AL, called Love Stuff challenged the ban on the grounds it violated a horny person’s right to sexual privacy, yet the heat-addled judicial brains in Alabama upheld the ban as matter of public morality. Sorry, but the only thing morally wrong with this is making the good folks of Alabama wait 3-5 business days for a vibe to come in the mail. [The Birmingham News] Keep reading »
Talk about a double life! British female police officer Victoria Thorne, 29, is on her way to jail for the next 15 months for moonlighting as a call girl at an escort agency called “Notorious Girls.” The corrupt cop had been working as a prostitute since 2006 and made about $150 per hour, servicing about 20 dudes a week. Sometimes she brought her extracurricular work home with her, although she usually did the deed at hotels. She made a special effort not to meet with Johns in the district where she works and swears she never wore her uniform in any of the proceedings. But Thorne did use police computers to score info about rival brothels for “Notorious Girls” owner Neil Lock. With her help, Neil was able to expand his business quite a bit. That is until someone saw her sexy pics on the “Notorious Girls” website, under the name Kelly, and started investigating her. Eight other women were arrested in the year-long sting aimed at outing prostitutes and corrupt officials.
So, it’s been a year since I got dumped. Frankly, I would not blame any of you for being at the point of thinking – if not saying – “Why the f**k hasn’t this bitch gotten over this yet?” I wonder the same thing myself.
There’s that saying that it takes half the length of the relationship to “get over it.” If that were the case, I would have another year and four months to go, God help me! But actually, I’m over the heartbreak. There’s not one ounce of me that’s still physically attracted to him. While I miss the friendship we had, the way he made me laugh, the sweet things he would do, like plate the dinner he made from scratch like we were dining at a fancy restaurant, and the fun we had traveling together, I don’t miss him as my boyfriend at all. That feels so amazing, I cannot even tell you. I could do cartwheels! (If I could do cartwheels, that is.)
Keep reading »