Knowd: Simply Irresistible
You gotta love dads. Mine knows I’m a card-carrying feminist, but my entire life, he’s hassled me to watch these totally cheesy, sexist/racist John Wayne flicks where the macho cowboy with a gun and a lasso rescues the damsel in distress from the “Indians.” No, Dad, I’m still not interested in watching “The Searchers” with you. But in honor of your adorable cowboy complex (which will never be realized because you live in New England), I’ve pulled together a few no-bull Father’s Day gifts that any little lady would do right by getting for her pops.
This ain’t your average throw pillow, ladies. Despite what the “Girlfriend’s Lap” pillow looks like, the makers swear there is nothing dirty about this lap pillow. If you are questioning what exactly you are looking at, no worries, you’re not alone. As the name suggests, you are indeed looking at a pillow in the shape of a woman’s legs made from urethane foam. I am not a foam expert, but apparently this kind of foam has a skin-like texture, so minus the lack of a torso you might never notice that you are taking a cat nap on a fake lap. Of course, the mini skirt does add that extra special dose of reality, so maybe not. What, you thought we added the mini? Oh no no, the “Girlfriend’s Lap” pillow comes with the polyester skirt, but you can strip it off, if you’d like. Perv.
- Sam Ronson dumped Lindsay Lohan via text after a fight about Nicole Richie because Nicole reportedly told Sam not to bring Lindz to her party. [Dlisted] — Maybe Nicole should read this article.
- Jada Pinkett Smith tried to dispel rumors that she and Will are swingers, saying they’re freaky, but not that freaky. [Perez Hilton] — You know, when someone tries really hard to convince people that they have good sex with a particular person, I tend to think they’re not getting any at all from that person. I wonder when Jada is going to dispel the gay rumors about her and Will.
- A reality show about Chaz Bono’s sex change is a no-go. [E! Online]
There are certain places I expect the President of the U.S. to pop up: CNN, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, etc. Since President Obama is unusually stylish, it’s no surprise that he and the super glam Michelle regularly grace the cover of non-news magazines. The one place I was not expecting to see the handsome face of our fearless leader: a dildo. Oh yes, he’s really got his own stimulus package. Personally, I’ll pass. Luckily for those of us who find that politics rarely leads to fun in the bedroom, but want to show their patriotism in an unusual manner, there is plenty of oddball Obama merchandise out there. Keep reading »
I am devastated. I can’t take another heartbreak. Another wonderful relationship gone down the drain only to be replaced by pain and the fear that I will never find a heartthrob equally attractive. Oh wait, did you think I was talking about a real relationship? Nah, I am just mourning the latest heartthrob to develop a detestable habit.
Robert, how could you do this to me? Smoking! I can’t understand why you would throw away everything we will one day have for such a bad habit. Cigarettes are a dealbreaker for me for many reasons, but with you sweetie, it’s especially problematic. I am only with you for your amazingly hot bod and dazzling face, which cigarettes will ruin. It’s gonna be tough to give you up, but I think I will make it, if only because I still have Edward Cullen.
Shapewear will never be the most attractive undergarments—cue Bridget Jones swatting away Daniel Cleaver from gawping at her control-top panties—but at least Spanx are making an effort to look less frumpy. Detailed with lacy designs and metallic lining, Spanx’s Haute Contour undergarments are actually pretty, which is practically unheard of for thigh-shapers and tummy-squeezers. The camisoles and thongs still look rather old-fashioned—but we wouldn’t fight Hugh Grant too hard from seeing them. [Spanx Haute Contour] Keep reading »
We know what the real housewives of today look like. According to Bravo, they’re infighting California real estate agents, squabbling Atlanta athletes’ wives, back-stabbing aspiring New York City socialites, and now table-tossing New Jersey gangsters’ molls. But what will the housewives of the future look like? Photographer, filmmaker, and artist Erwin Olaf has created a very strange short film that takes a peek behind the linen curtains to find out. One online reviewer describes it as “Jacques Tati meets David Lynch.” I call it superfreaky. If you get bored with all the interior panning about, fast-forward to the 2:27 mark for the surreal reveal. Let’s hope the mothers-of-the-future don’t really turn out like these spooky cyborgian replicants. They might scare the babies. Keep reading »
How does Grandpa keep Grandma wrapped around his finger after all these years? With this ring for the family jewels. The gold band looks like your average man hand accessory, until you pop the onyx top and find the perfect hiding place for that little blue pill, Viagra. Hey, why let erectile dysfunction get you down, when this stylish piece can keep it up? Keep reading »
- Al Roker has been accused of attacking Heidi and Spencer Pratt on “The Today Show” on Monday, as the newlyweds discussed their one-week stint on “I’m a Celebrity…Get Me Out of Here.” [Today] — Seems to us that Roker was just doing his job.
- Oh dear. Here’s a list of “10 Things Your Dad Inadvertently Taught You About Sex.” [Em & Lo] — Cringe.
- Katie Holmes has reportedly met with “So You Think You Can Dance” executive producer Nigel Lythgoe more than once. Reps for the show haven’t confirmed that Holmes will take center stage on the show, but there have been rumors that she may! [People]
I think we can all agree that men like explosions. I think we also can all agree that men like boobs. So, some genius did the math and fused these two things together into this website ExplosionsAndBoobs.com. When you go to the site, a white screen appears along with a picture of an explosion and a pair of (classily covered) boobs. When you reload the page, you get another set. It’s so simple, so stupid, and men love it. This website proves yet again that trying to make sense of men is such a waste of time. Keep reading »