First they take our children, and now they are after our pets. The SEX EVERYTHING UP industry has struck again, and this time they’re marketing lingerie for dogs. Metro Paws sells what they call “Negligee T-Shirts,” which are “made from fine lingerie lace and the same stretchy nylons used in fine undergarments.” OK, true story time. Yesterday I had to take my dog Lucca to the vet because she has abscessed anal glands and they needed to be “expressed.” Anything that needs its ass drained should not be wearing “fine lingerie lace.” Ugh. (For the record, she is fine now.) [Urlesque] Keep reading »
Venice is 99 percent filled with tourists wearing t-shirts, sneakers, and fanny packs. In the land of over 400 walking bridges and stone alleys, making a wardrobe effort does not go unnoticed. Natalie, studying art history abroad, wears a custom-made tweed topper from her native Republic of Maldova. She picks out the fabric and buttons, and her tailor measures and sews. This is the original design collaboration, before the H&Ms and Topshops of the world! Keep reading »
I have been writing bad poetry for as long as I can remember. Well, at least since I penned the gripping haiku, “The Spark,” in 7th grade. I can’t share it … it’s just too embarrassing. But yes, it does follow the 5-7-5 syllable pattern. Can I still write a hard-hitting haiku? Yes, I believe I can. And now I have the chance I’ve been waiting for. Alan Wieder, author of the new memoir Year of the C**k, which chronicles his penile trials and tribulations, is having a contest to find the best haikus about his favorite topic … the penis. You bet your c**k I am entering my phaiku (penis + haiku) on his website for a chance to win an autographed copy of the book. Check out my masterpiece after the jump. [Asylum] Keep reading »
If you thought your friend was about to make a mistake—say, buy a computer that gets a ton of viruses or stay in a really dodgy hostel in Rome—you’d try to convince them to do something different, right? Well, I feel a little guilty because I have a friend who might be making a mistake by getting married this summer and I tried to talk him out of it. Keep reading »
These adorable little micro-piglets are bred to stay as tiny as possible for their entire lives. They are the newest pet of choice in England because they’re insanely cute, very affectionate, and as low-maintenance as cats. I want 20 of them. In my one-bedroom apartment. And no, I won’t name them all
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When Elvis Presley joined the U.S. Army in 1958, his famous quiff hairstyle was cut. Fifty-one years later, that tuft of hair is up for auction by Leslie Hindman Auctioneers. The hair is expected to fetch up to $12,000 on Oct. 18 in Chicago. [10/7/09] Keep reading »
Chanel’s Jade nail polish is already so over. Sure, the color is finally hitting beauty counters now that it’s Fall, and nails are getting their first taste of the perfect green hue. But after the Spring 2010 show, gray is the new jade.
On the runway, Karl Lagerfeld not only brought the barn indoors and made farming look chic, but Chanel Beauty Creative Director Peter Philips invited the fashion and beauty obsessed to find their newest nail adoration.
And here’s a hint: If you can’t afford the Chanel polish, Essie’s new fall shade, Chinchilly, definitely has a perfect gray look to it, and it’s more affordable! Keep reading »
There are only two reasons why I’d move in and live with another girlfriend. We’re married and determined to fill a sweatshop with our nimble-fingered love critters. Or she cracks me in the head with a shovel, sews my mouth shut, replaces my eyeballs with marbles, and sits my stuffed body in the corner. Whatever you do, don’t move in with your boyfriend. What? It’s too late? Sweet Zeus, Odin, and Quetzalcoatl, winged serpent god of the Aztecs! I hope your cohabitation doesn’t end the way two (two!) of mine did – with helicopters launching off the roof amidst tornadoes of debris and smoke, a single individual hanging off the skids, flipping the bird to the person whose name is on the lease. Keep reading »
Post-failed engagement, I’m not sure how into the idea of marriage I am. I think it’s great for other people and maybe I’ll really want to get married eventually, but for now, I don’t really see it as the end-all, be-all of my romantic future. That said, I’m all about commitment and monogamy, just without a legal document decreeing it so. But according to a conversation on “The View” this morning, this kind of commitment — the wedding band-less kind — is not as serious. The gals were talking about David Letterman of course, and Whoopi kept exclaiming that during the time that Letterman was schtooping his staff, he may have been with Regina Lasko for nearly 20 years, but he hadn’t married her yet. And based on all the clatter Whoopi has heard around the Hot Topics table over the years, that made his cheating not as bad. I think that’s ridiculous. Keep reading »