I have never really enjoyed weddings. I usually think of weddings as funerals with dancing. I used to think weddings had better food, but then I went to a funeral that had the most divine smoked salmon platter. I once explained to a girlfriend that weddings were the last meals served to death row inmates. That once upon a time, women were nothing more than property and marriages were contractual agreements between two wealthy landowners. The wedding itself was a way of softening this truth to the bride. In exchange for a life of servitude, she’d get a big fancy wedding where she’d be treated like a princess for a day. One last hurrah before the inevitable. If I were on death row — probably because I bore an uncanny resemblance to a political prisoner who was the love of a woman I didn’t deserve and then switched places with him so he could be with her and I could kneel before the guillotine — you can bet I’d order a huge ice cream sundae served in a mop bucket. Keep reading »
It has recently come to my attention that perhaps I am not as concerned about the cleanliness of my anus as I should be. See, in the last few weeks, I feel like the universe has been trying to tell me that keeping my chocolate starfish pristine should be higher on my list of priorities. It’s giving me a complex. Keep reading »
John Edwards will most likely be indicted with criminal charges for using campaign cash to cover up his affair with videographer/wackadoodle, Rielle Hunter, ABC News is reporting. The U.S. Department of Justice has approved the prosecution, which seeks to indict the sleazy politician for using roughly $1 million of campaign donations to squire away Hunter from the media and the campaign, both of whom suspected the two of having an affair (and later, a love child). The prosecution is expected to argue that the Edwards campaign misused funds to try to cover up his cheating so he could continue onward with his 2008 presidential campaign. Two rich donors allegedly supplied the funds and I think we can assume “hiding the mistress” was not on their list of ways it should be spent. Ugh, I’m going to have to make a spreadsheet of sleazy politicians, their mistresses, love children, and their money problems, because it’s getting hard to keep track of them all. Sigh. [ABC News, NY Times] Keep reading »
As luck would have it — it being Wedding Week and all — I am attending the wedding of a good friend from college this weekend, in the Napa Valley. I know, boo hoo for me, what a pain. What is a pain is that I do not have a cover-up of any sort to go along with the strapless cocktail dress I’m wearing. This is a common conundrum for the average female attending a wedding during the late-Spring. During the actual outdoor ceremony, the weather will be warm enough to go bare-shouldered — but at night, during the reception, the temp is going to take a dip. What’s a gal to wear with a fancy dress when her closet is full of heavy dark blazers and casual cardigans? Not wanting to drop a lot of bones, this softly structured open jacket is the perfect amount of dressy and gentle on the pocketbook. Best of all, it can be rocked with jeans and a T when wedding season is over. Sweet!
Beyonce’s new video for her song “Girls (Run the World)” features some sweet dance moves — not to mention likely suspicious Illuminati imagery
! — but is its message a tad, um, premature? I’m obsessed with this video from vlogger Nineteen Percent which breaks down the many ways in which Beyonce’s lady power victory anthem just ain’t true. It’s funny, it’s distressing, and it’s a brilliant way to use pop music as a “great tie-in to a discussion of feminism.” Kick ass! [YouTube
] Keep reading »