Give Mom The Gift She Really Wants This Mother’s Day

Child: Hey mom, I got you something really special for Mother’s Day! Here are some Mr. Clean products for you so you can get back to the job that really matters to you — cleaning the house.

Mom: Oh thank you, honey! I can’t imagine anything that I would enjoy more. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but that day at the spa you were talking about treating me to sounded awful. [Buzzfeed] Keep reading »

What’s Your Most Dreaded Item To Shop For?

Yesterday, my friend Katelyn and I were walking around downtown Portland when I spotted a pair of ballet flats sitting on a sidewalk sale table. They were black patent leather with blue sequin details and, best of all, they had been marked down to 10 bucks. I scanned the stacks of boxes for a size 7, found one, slipped them on, loved them, and bought them. The time that elapsed between me squealing, “Look at those cute shoes over there!” to me owning those cute shoes over there was approximately 30 seconds. As I skipped out of the store with the shoebox tucked under my arm, I looked over at Katelyn who was shaking her head in disbelief… Keep reading »

Mother’s Day Gift Guide For Lucille Bluth-Types

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Some of us were lucky enough to grow up with a mom like Donna Reed or Carole Brady, a mom who was always on standby with a PBJ sandwich, a Band-Aid or some motherly words of wisdoms.

The rest of us … well, our moms our more like Lucille Bluth from “Arrested Development.” A hard-drinking and narcissistic mama like Lucille is always on-hand with a strong martini and a muscle relaxant, usually taken in tandem.

Moms like Lucille may be the reason you — and the Bluth clan — are in therapy three days a week. But dammit, she’s a mother, too, and that means you need to get her something for Mother’s Day. Because if you don’t, you know you’ll be hearing about it.

This Kissing Device Doesn’t Do It For Me

I don’t care if it feels like kissing. I have no desire to put a motorized straw in my mouth and pretend like it’s a human mouth. This kiss transmission device, which uses computers to simulate the way a person kisses down to their taste, breathing, and moistness of the tongue, is very ingenious, but very unnecessary in my opinion. Kissing is one of the few simple pleasures in life. It is perfect just as it is. I say, if it ain’t broke, don’t digitize it. How about you? Would you kiss this thing? [Buzzfeed] Keep reading »

The 15 Most WTF Looks At The 2011 MET Ball

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No, seriously, WTF were these MET Ball 2011 attendees thinking? I think I know…

The Love Guru: Now I Know What “The Bachelorette” Feels Like

I walked into the restaurant and spotted Old Flame sitting at the bar sipping a beer. He looked better than I remembered and when I hugged him I felt a stirring in my nether regions.

Near the end of a dinner filled with laughter, Old Flame’s hazel eyes turned serious. He reached across the table and gave me an unexpected kiss on the lips. It was soft and sweet. No tongue. Keep reading »

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