Pucker Up, Pooches, With The School Of French Kissing For Dogs

The School of French Kissing For Dogs would gross me out if I didn’t see Amelia smooching her pup Lucca on a regular basis. (You know she eats garbage off the street, right?) [Lucca does not use tongue ever. -- Editor] How soon until PETA busts a nut over this UCB skit? It’s comedy, guys! And it looks like doggies got peanut butter out of it. And, you know, some lovin’. [YouTube] Keep reading »

Funny Or Die’s “Mob Wives” Spoof Is As Good As The Real Show

Missed the first season of “Mob Wives“? This Funny or Die spoof with Sophia Bush and Drea de Matteo is not far from the real thing. Add in more brawling, though. I am so grateful that watching “Mob Wives” taught me that if I’m ever in a fight at a dinner party, I should take my heels off first. [Funny Or Die] Keep reading »

Girl Talk: How I Learned About Feminism And Motherhood From Molly Weasley

I was eight years old when I first picked up Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone at an elementary school book fair. My mom bought me a hardcover copy to take home and read at my leisure. Instead of tuning into the Disney Channel I devoured all 309 pages of Harry’s first adventure in one night. As time passed, I continued to keep up with Harry Potter. I read all seven books upon their immediate release. I went to midnight showings of each film, sitting alongside my fellow Harry Potter Heads with their broomsticks and faux-lightning scars. I even visited The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Universal Theme Park in Orlando, Florida, this past January, courtesy of the best Christmas gift ever. Both the 90-minute line to get into Ollivander’s Wand Shop and the hour-long wait for a meal at The Three Broomsticks were well worth it.

I’m sad that my childhood journey with Harry will come to an end on July 15—fourteen years after my initial HP experience—with the opening of “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2.” Some kids read the Harry Potter books and learned about Azkaban, love potions, and chocolate frogs. I learned about feminism and motherhood, thanks to one of the series’ most underrated characters:

Molly’s character is viewed the same way most view the role of mothering: she is under appreciated and not acknowledged enough in comparison to her true significance and what she accomplishes on a daily basis.

Molly is the mother of Ron, Harry’s best friend at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, as well as six other Weasley children. Her husband, Arthur, works at the Ministry of Magic and leaves her as the designated homemaker. Her character is short and plump, with flaming red locks that match the rest of the Weasley clan. She rules the roost and wears many different hats—caregiver and expert pie maker, activist and one of the only female members of the Order of the Phoenix, and participating fighter in the Second Wizarding War to name a few. In “Deathly Hallows,” Molly will go toe-to-toe with Bellatrix Lestrange, chief Death Eater and Lord Voldemort’s right-hand-woman, during the Battle of Hogwarts. In case you haven’t read the books, she plays a pivotal role.

Molly’s character is viewed the same way most view the role of mothering: she is under appreciated and not acknowledged enough in comparison to her true significance and what she accomplishes on a daily basis.

She welcomes other children into her family and treats them like her own. Despite her lack of financial resources, she always comes up with a decent Christmas feast for all guests invited. While Molly upholds the traditional stereotype of being a stay-at-home mom, she is a new kind of mom that’s revolutionary in children’s stories. She is not a submissive character by any means; instead, she uses her role as “mother of many” as a means of power and accomplishing great tasks.

Molly Weasley’s unique, badass mothering reminds me of my own mom. Their similarities struck me at a young age through basic, minor details; specifically when Molly sent a Christmas package to Harry Potter during their first year at Hogwarts because she knew he was an orphan and wouldn’t get many presents. My mom always buys my friends her own Christmas presents, too, I thought to myself.

On a more serious note—Molly’s ability to aggressively stare down any problem facing her family, no matter what the cost or sacrifice, confirmed my suspicions that she shared more than a few characteristics with my own mom.

Like Molly Weasley, my mom stayed at home, but redefined the traditional role in her own ways. She’s never failed to encourage my progressive thoughts, urging me to pursue my most radical opinions over a cup of Lipton tea and piece of homemade bread pudding. My mom raised my siblings and I to never assume just because she stays home with us all day, she’s responsible for doing the dishes after dinner—my brother, sister, and I are very familiar with a sponge and dishwasher detergent.

It was a form of magic to see the same qualities play out between this made-up mother character in my favorite books and my real mom. My views on modern motherhood were inherently affected by witnessing both mothers nurture all children who need them, not just their own blood; manage to hold their families together under any and all circumstances; have unconditional love and support, even in the most frustrating moments; and partake in empowering, female-friendly movements that positively influence their daughters and sons alike.

J.K. Rowling didn’t only provide a source of entertainment for readers through Harry Potter; her works of fiction serve as critical tools in shaping the ways in which we perceive real-life experiences. Underneath the Death Eaters and Floo Powder are characters, themes, and metaphors filled with a deeper understanding. The Wizarding World might be a whole world away from reality, but its underlying messages hold true. I’m just so grateful that my mom bought me my first Harry Potter hardcover at that book fair. My feminist consciousness wouldn’t have been the same without it.

Vivident Gum’s Man Boobs & Marionettes


Vivident Gum is apparently the most popular gum in Italy, perhaps because their commercials are, um, so memorable. For a country dismayed by the antics of the “Jersey Shore” cast, I am surprised this ad passed muster. Naked man tits? A frightening marionette man? What does this have to do with gum again? [Best Week Ever] Keep reading »

No, Roseanne Barr Doesn’t Want To Go To The Movies With You

“I hate movies. I hate the whole f**king movie business. I hate everything involved with movies. Producers. Moviemakers. Those people are freaking nuts and criminals. I can’t take it. They’re not like the rest of humanity. I’d rather hang out with plumbers. They’re so self-important. And everything they do is bulls**t. Excuse me, but movies are bulls**t. They’re tidy little f**king bulls**t stories. They all have a rape thing in them. They’re all anti-woman. They’re all f**king bullshit. There isn’t one of ‘em that speaks to me or says anything decent. Somebody could go in with the best f**king script, like, ‘Grapes of Wrath,’ and they’d come out and it’d star Kevin James. Nothing can happen good in movies and it never does … I didn’t like being in movies. You have to sit there 19 hours in a trailer. Which is why I got into show business—to get out of a f**king trailer. I’m sitting in a trailer and 19 hours later, they come down and they turned on a light. So you go down and stand there and then you go back and wait 19 more hours. And then you go and say your line 75 times in a row. It’s boring to me. I liked that movie ‘V [for Vendetta].’

Roseanne Barr tells The Daily Beast how she really feels about the movie industry. I guess you you shouldn’t invite her to movie night, unless you happen to be screening the one she thinks is acceptable. Sure, she may be a bit of a sourpuss but I love that Roseanne can go on this kind of rant simply by being asked, “Did you see ‘Knocked Up’?” [The Daily Beast] Keep reading »

Mind Of Man: First Dates Are The Worst, Am I Right? Seriously? AM I RIGHT?

I think “tapas” is actually Spanish for “Hey, these people will spend a lot of money to eat small portions of food off of tiny plates.” The whole idea of “tapas” was probably invented in the ’70s as a way to fleece English-speaking tourists who found appetizers sold as entrees charming and rustic. I hate going to tapas places on first dates. Because a dinner date is still dinner. I’m hungry. I have to order five or six tapas to make a meal and then the plates crowd the table and I look like a pig because those there are only two of those ridiculously tiny sausages and I ate them. But it’s not like I don’t raise my eyebrows and nod at the tiny sausages, which is the universal sign for “have a tiny sausage.” I am generous. I offer food from my plate to those with whom I am breaking proverbial bread. There is nothing stopping a certain dinner companion from also ordering five or six tapas, including the tiny sausage tapas, instead of just having what looks like a sprig of the Jolly Green Giant’s pubic hair.

Damn tapas. Damn tiny sausages. Damn social awkwardness. First dates are the worst. But who am I kidding? I’m not going on any first dates. Keep reading »

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