Be My Boyfriend: Mr. Ballsy, AKA Thomas Cantley, Who Is Rolling A Ball Across The U.S. To Raise Money For Testicular Cancer

Dear Thomas, AKA Mr. Ballsy,

First, allow me to compliment you on your ball. It’s huge and smooth and you look really hot attached to it. But it’s not the size or the softness or the sex appeal of your ball that appeals to me — it’s what you’re doing with your ball that really matters. A cancer survivor yourself, you’ve embarked upon a cross-country trip with your rolling inflatable testicle in tow, spreading awareness about testicular health and cancer. By relying on the kindness of your fellow man to help you reach the end of your journey, you’re creating unique opportunities to share with them the goals of your trip in the first place.

“I want people to come and (say), ‘I’ll book a hotel room, I’ll take you out to lunch, I’ll fill up your gas tank’ or whatever, and I want those physical connections, I don’t just want people to donate to me, I want people to connect with me,” you explained to MTV. Well, Thomas, if I may be ballsy myself, I would like to connect with you. Keep reading »

Beyonce Was Drinking Champagne This Weekend So I Guess She’s Not Preggo After All

It appears that Bey and Jay were beginning to panic that the world was finally bored of wondering if ther marriage was on the rocks, so they upped the stakes by hinting at a pregnancy over the weekend. At one of the last performances of their “On The Run” tour, Jay Z changed a lyric in “Beach Is Better” from “I replace it with another one” to “pregnant with another one.” Not surprisingly, the world exploded a tiny bit with questions about a second Carter baby. Unfortunately for these two, however, the universe is kind of getting sick of their vague gossip-mongering, so the freak-out wasn’t as epic as they probably expected. But alas, yesterday Beyonce was spotted in a tweet seemingly partaking in a champagne to toast the end of the tour.

Keep reading »

The Soapbox: I’m A Feminist Who Loves Miss America And That’s OK

This weekend, Kira Kazantsev from New York won the 88th Miss America pageant at Atlantic City, which was inevitably followed by a slew of blog posts viciously skewering Kazantsev and the Miss America pageant in general. Gawker honed in on Kazantsev’s “rhythmless red-cup percussion“ rendition of “Happy,” inspired by the movie “Pitch Perfect.” Salon, in an otherwise sympathetic post, called the pageant “a collective American Nelson Muntz moment.” And Bustle redubbed Ms. America ”Miss Symbol of Conventional Gender Mores.”

Every year, I read these posts lambasting the Miss America pageant for being sexist, lame, irrelevant, and outdated, and the contestants themselves for being little more than a dumb person’s idea of ideal American femininity, anthropomorphized celery stalks liberally smeared with self-bronzer and Bonne Bell purple eyeshadow. And I agree with them, to some extent. (That flip-cup rendition of “Happy” wasn’t stellar, let’s just leave it at that.)

But mostly they just make my eyes roll into the back of my skull. Keep reading »

Report: Eva Mendes And Ryan Gosling Are Parents To A Baby Girl

ryan gosling eva mendes breakup

The baby that represents all of my crushed hopes and dreams has finally made her debut. According to Us Weekly, Eva Mendes and boyfriend Ryan Gosling allegedly welcomed their first child, a girl, on September 12. No word on the baby’s name but I’m sure it will be adorable. Eva and Ryan are going to be great parents and I suppose I shall have to live the rest of my life satisfied by watching Ryan be a rad dad from afar. Congrats to them both, seriously. As for me, I shall be alright. [Us Weekly]

Together Again: Seth Meyers & Bill Hader Reminisce About Stefon

bill hader stefon seth meyer
Reunited!

There’s a Stefon-sized hole in my heart that will never be filled. And when Bill Hader visited “Late Night With Seth Meyers,” the two former “Saturday Night Live” co-stars made clear they are every bit as emotional about Stefon as the rest of us. Filming the last-ever Stefon sketch, when he leaves Anderson Cooper at the altar and runs off with Seth, made both of these guys cry. Aw, I get choked up just thinking about it.

Dating Don’ts: Assorted Lessons & Observations From Watching “Dating Naked”

Dating Don'ts: Assorted Lessons & Observations From Watching “Dating Naked”

“Dating Naked” is a show on VH1 in which complete strangers gather at a resort somewhere tropical and mosquito-ridden and go on carefully staged dates with strangers, completely naked. It may sound like a ratings gamble, another entree in the already overrun category of dating shows, but the thing about it is that it’s actually brilliant. Sure, part of the entertainment is watching the kind of people that audition for shows of this nature — if you’re a connoisseur of dating shows like the brilliant “Next” on MTV or any and all iterations of “The Bachelor,” you’ll understand immediately that the casting directors pick the most ridiculous, crazy and slightly desperate people with a complete lack of self-awareness, because that makes the best television. This is definitely true of this show, but the fact that they are legitimately and truly naked as the day they were born ups the ante. I watched the show on the suggestion of many people whose opinion I valued, and let me tell you, I was not disappointed. Watching strangers who have  just met climb into a human hamster ball and bob in the waves on a tropical beach while completely naked is something that I don’t think will ever get old.

I though that I’d learn nothing from this show, that it would be just mindless entertainment, but I was pleasantly surprised. It turns out that reality television isn’t necessarily the place where human intellect goes to die. Here are a few assorted lessons and observations from “Dating Naked.” Keep reading »

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