Make It Stop: “My BFF Eloped Without Telling Me And I’m Really Hurt”

By: Anna Goldfarb / March 6, 2015
Sure, she didn't tell anyone, but couldn't she have at least had the courtesy to tell her best friend?! More »

Kim Kardashian & Kanye West Have Sex “500 Times A Day”

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / March 6, 2015
EYEROLL. More »

Harrison Ford Crashes Plane; Writer Barely Avoids Heart Attack

By: Rebecca Vipond Brink / March 6, 2015
Harrison Ford crashed his vintage single-engine WW2 jet into a golf course yesterday and walked away with some non-life-threatening injuries, THANK GOODNESS, because honestly, I could not handle Harrison Ford dying right now. My lovely fiancé had to brace me for the news about it last night because Harrison Ford is my imaginary boyfriend,… More »

Satanic Monster Energy Drinks Lady Says God Made Her Go Viral

By: Robyn Pennacchia / March 6, 2015
Christine Weick, best known to us internet folk as the "Satanic Monster Energy Drinks Lady" made an appearance on last night's "Tosh.0" to have a lighthearted chat about, well, how Satan is using Monster Energy Drinks as a tool to recruit whoever the fuck drinks Monster Energy Drinks to worship him. I'm guessing that the… More »

Salvation Army Uses “The Dress” To Send A Message About Domestic Violence Against Women

By: Amelia McDonell-Parry / March 6, 2015
"The Dress" -- I'm still seeing both black and blue and white and gold -- is probably the most talked about thing on the internet so far this year, and has thus been spoofed and used in various promotions more… More »

Absolute Beginners: Quitters Win

By: Rebecca Vipond Brink / March 6, 2015
Hi there! Welcome to Absolute Beginners, our new fitness column. I’d tell you to sit down and make yourself comfortable, but that’d really go against the whole modus operandi of what I’m trying to do, here. Instead, I don’t know, go do some jumping jacks, then come back and read this. So, I write about… More »