Sometimes Craigslist Missed Connections read exactly like the First Act summaries for quirky romantic comedies. In fact, I would like to option this Craigslist Missed Connection ad I just read titled “I told you not to feed your dog grapes.” Can you option CL ads? Can I just steal it? Anyway, the poster is allegedly a 33-year-old dude in cargo shorts who saw a woman feeding her dog grapes at the park and took the time to warn her that his own dog died after eating a bowl of grapes. In that moment, a special connection was formed, at least on Cargo Shorts end, and now he’s looking for the woman with a Border Collie who, P.S., may or may not be pregnant, because he wants to take her on a date. Sure, it’s kind of rude to say a woman looks like she might be pregnant, especially because two months pregnant could just as easily be a burrito baby, but Cargo Shorts wants a date regardless so YAY ROMANCE! When I make the movie version of this romantic tale, Ryan Gosling would play Cargo Shorts, DUH, only he would not actuallywear cargo shorts, because they are awful. I’m still unsure of the state of Dog Owner’s womb, though. Burrito baby or real baby? Hard to decide. [Craigslist]
Hershey announced last week that its prices would increase due to a rise in the cost of chocolate ingredients. Very soon, those amazing Hershey’s Cookies ‘n’ Creme bars (or am I the only one who likes those?) will now cost eight percent more, and so will every other treat the company makes. Other candy companies will probably follow suit. The price increase is effective immediately, and it’s time to stock up on chocolate in case the price goes up even higher in the future.
By sales, Hershey is the top candy maker in the US, and it also sells 40 percent of dark chocolate in the country, so we’re pretty much at its mercy to cut us a deal on our chocolate fix. The rise in the price of ingredients can be attributed to a growing chocolate market in Asia, and chocolate consumption is still rising in the US, which makes the demand that much greater. Researchers have predicted that there could be a one million-ton international cocoa bean deficit by 2020. Halloween is going to be a struggle this year. [Quartz]
Last week, women reading the Internet collectively reached for their wallets to check how much cash they had, because there was a fellow lady out there who needed a drink. And that lady was a woman on Reddit who posted a spreadsheet (picked up by Deadspin) that she had just received from her husband.
The spreadsheet had three columns: DATE, SEX? and EXCUSE. The second column was mostly filled with the word “No” and the third column was mostly filled with the wife’s reasons she did not want to have sex that day, like “I’m exhausted” and “You’re too drunk.”
On the Reddit thread of her post, Spreadsheet Wife (username throwwwwaway29) said her husband sent this to her right before she left for a 10-day business trip — and wouldn’t pick up his phone when she called. Assuming this isn’t some Internet prank — always a possibility — the whole shitshow is rude, immature and callous. Keep reading »
A Saginaw, Michigan sheriff is so convinced that “Orange Is The New Black” made orange jumpsuits cool that he’s assigned inmates at the Saginaw County Jail to switch up their uniforms. The jail’s 513 inmates will likely all have switched over to old school black-and-white striped uniforms by the end of this year. Sheriff William Federspiel, the man behind the change, told Saginaw County News that line has become too fuzzy between pop culture and actual prison culture because of shows like “Orange Is The New Black.” He says that people think it’s cool to dress like an inmate, “wearing all orange jumpsuits out at the mall or in public.” The inmates aren’t pleased, and have complained about the change in attire. I guess they can direct their blame past Federspiel and right over to Piper and Alex for looking so good onscreen. Federspiel told the News, “It’s not to be crass. We’re not trying to embarrass or shame them. It tells me something, though, when the inmates think that it’s bad: It’s probably good.” Keep reading »
Charlie the dog didn’t realize he would make the baby cry when he stole her toy. So he tried to make it up to her the best way he knew how — with more toys. Way to own up to your mistakes, Charlie! [22 Words]
“All that, I wouldn’t even speak on. It doesn’t even matter to me whatsoever, who would show up. Because the most important person to show up there, to me, was Kim. And that’s all that matters to me.”
Kanye West has a big, meaty profile in GQ and it’s filled with Kanye-isms about art, celebrity, happiness, Kim, North, and some weird tangent where he insists he is not a shark but a “blowfish.” But let’s get real — we wanted to hear Kanye clear up some of the rumors surrounding his wedding. No, he did not give a 45-minute toast to himself. No, there was no ”Gold Toilet Tower.” No, he did not saw up the entire bar apart in front of the Italian construction team who had just built it. But the rumor we really wanted addressed was why Jay and Bey completely bailed on the wedding. And Kanye’s response is pretty much: who cares? [GQ] [Image via GQ]