Sometimes I think Rick Santorum is just a really elaborate Onion spoof. There is no better evidence of this theory than what Jezebel is referring to as Pink Ballgate. Yesterday, at a campaign event at a Wisconsin bowling alley, Santorum was heard advising a young man not to use a pink bowling ball when it was his turn. Especially not on camera. (Why? Because pink bowling balls cause gayness?) A Reuters reporter overheard Santorum tell the boy, ”You’re not gonna use the pink ball. We’re not gonna let you do that. Not on camera.” He also reportedly added, “Friends don’t let friends use pink balls.” I mean, c’mon. I know that Santorum isn’t a made-up politician designed to point out the ridiculousness of the extreme right; I know he’s a real man with a somewhat real shot at the nomination, but I just can’t handle quotes like this. If the facepalming continues, I am going to have welts. [Raw Story, Jezebel]
Feminine hygiene products should be hygienic, no? Well, that was not the case when Danielle Parr went to insert a Kotex tampon into her hoo-ha and discovered that the tampon popped out of the applicator covered in mold. Let me repeat that: MOLD. MOLLLLLLLLLD. Luckily for her, she was, for some reason, removing the tampon from the applicator before inserting it so she was able to spot the black and green fungus before it was injected into her lady business. Can you imagine? I’m dry heaving. Keep reading »
Brazilian police have finally made some headway in a case that will undoubtedly be turned into a movie starring Blake Lively. Apparently, a gang of six young, attractive women has been staking out upscale shopping mall parking lots, targeting well-to-do blond shoppers to kidnap and rob. Two members of the gang hold the hostage at gunpoint for a few hours while the others drain her bank accounts and use her credit cards to buy designer merchandise. The Blondes have allegedly carried out more than 50 of these crimes, but now half of the crew has been arrested, and police have identified the remaining members. I’m sure there’s a “How many blondes does it take to commit 50 robberies” joke in here somewhere, but I won’t go there because 1) blonde jokes are stupid, and 2) I’m scared of retaliation. [NY Daily News]
Dear Man Who Propositioned Me For Sex On The Subway,
Why is it that after I respectfully responded “no, thanks” to your subway sex proposition, you found it necessary to call me a “bitch”? Have you not seen the movie “Shame”? Even an exceptionally fantastic looking guy like Michael Fassbender (who, might I add, was playing a sex addict) found it difficult to come on to a girl while riding the train because he feared rejection.
But you sir, wearing that hideous shirt, those skinny jeans which were obviously washed one time too many because they revealed your ankles, a pair of busted Converse, with a chip-toothed, yellow grin, thought that your offer to leave the train with you on 23rd street “to hang out at your house” should have been received with excitement. Keep reading »
Last month, the world imploded (for a little while anyway) when ESPN writer Anthony Frederico penned a headline about Asian-American basketball player Jeremy Lin with the phrase “chink in the armor.” He said he simply meant that Lin had screwed up his winning streak for the Knicks, but was promptly fired amid cries of racism. Federico said he didn’t realize “chink” was a racist slur, certainly didn’t intend to use it that way, and had used the phrase “chink in the armor” a bunch of other times when referring to non-Asian players messing up their game. If you missed the giant-ass kerfluffle in the media, you must have been in a coma.
This Tuesday, Jeremy Lin took Frederico out to lunch to chat. ”It went incredible,” Federico told Newsday. “The fact that he took the time to meet with me in his insanely busy schedule … He’s just a wonderful, humble person. He didn’t have to do that, especially after everything had kind of died down for the most part.” Keep reading »