Heartbroken Man Tries To Woo Back Ex-Wife With Romantic Closet Fire

Bronwyn Isaac / August 31, 2015

In today’s news edition of Vengeful Exes, Algonquin man Anthony Elpolito reportedly set his wife’s closet on fire shortly after she filed for divorce.
Which begs the question: Why would any woman ever leave such a spontaneous and vivacious man?! I find myself now deeply lost in the grey dead pools of his eyes, and… More »

“He Named Me Malala” Looks Just As Wonderful As Expected

Bronwyn Isaac / August 31, 2015

Malala Yousafzai is one of the few strangers with the ability to consistently make me cry. It could be an interview where she calls Obama out about drones, or a quote from her about equal-opportunity education for girls, or even just the passing reflection of her face from a bus or billboard or ghost i… More »

Just Look At This Asshole: Columnist Claims She Gets Rid Of Dogs Once They’re No Longer Cute Puppies — But Is She Lying?

I know Shona Sibary is an asshole. I’m just not entirely sure how big of an asshole she is. More »

Taiwan Is Featuring A Porn Star On Their Transit Cards

Rebecca Vipond Brink / August 31, 2015

Taipei’s public transit system will be featuring a popular Japanese porn star on a set of limited-edition fare cards. Can the Chicago Ventra system borrow this branding model?
The cards will feature Yui Hatano in “devil” and “angel” editions, and the photos are (sadly) not pornographic at all – they’re just pictures of Hatano lookingMore »

TLC’s Child Molestation Special Was Scrubbed Clean Of Any References To Josh Duggar

Last night, while the rest of the world was immersed in the VMAs, TLC aired their much discussed special on childhood sexual abuse called “Breaking the Silence,” which was made in direct response to the allegations that one of their biggest stars — “19 Kids and Counting”‘s Josh Duggar — had molested his sisters when he was aMore »

Here’s A Trump Drag Queen Makeover

Rebecca Vipond Brink / August 31, 2015

Donald Trump and Bernie Sanders are gaining in polls in Iowa, with Sanders closing in on Hillary Clinton’s lead. Trump’s holding a share of 23 percent of Republican voters, five points ahead of the second most popular candidate, who, for some reason, is Ben Carson.
But who cares? Saint Hoax, politicalMore »

Shocker, Goth Kids Are More Likely To Be Depressed

Rebecca Vipond Brink / August 31, 2015

A new study revealed that kids who associate with the goth scene tend to be more depressed than average, and are more likely to engage in self-harm. The researchers said that the majority of goth kids aren’t at risk, but that it could be important to reach out to the minority who are.
However, theyMore »

NASA Has Started A Year-Long Isolation Program In A Dome To Simulate Life On Mars

Katrin Higher / August 30, 2015

Since the Earth is slowly dying because human beings are garbage monsters, scientists have decided it’s time to try and move to Mars.
In preparation for this, they have started a year-long project to simulate life on Mars so that we can all be ready to move there ASAP.
Despite scientific and technical tests which… More »

Oliver Sacks, Neurologist And Bestselling Author Dies At Age 82

Katrin Higher / August 30, 2015

Having a shrink and all-around intellectual science and brain curious mother, we had a heavily read copy of “The Man Who Mistook His Wife For A Hat” by Oliver Sacks in our bookshelf growing up. It was one of the first non-picture books I would try to read, of course not being able to really… More »

Governor Chris Christie Thinks We Should Track Immigrants Like FedEx Packages

Katrin Higher / August 30, 2015

Perhaps New Jersey Governor and 2016 Republican Presidential candidate Chris Christie, is trying to sound more like Donald Trump in his audaciousness, because his most recent doozie is really something else.
At an event in New Hampshire on Saturday afternoon, Christie actually said:
“We let people come to this country with visas and the minute… More »

Teacher Was Late 111 Times And Blames His Breakfast

Katrin Higher / August 29, 2015

Elementary school teacher Arnold Anderson was allowed to keep his job despite being late for work 111 times in the last two years. His reason for being late is that he likes to eat breakfast. Uhhh…
Anderson didn’t even lose his job, where he makes $90,000 a year (I had no idea elementary school teacher… More »

Police Leave Reporter A Voicemail About Her “Fucking Giant Tits”

Katrin Higher / August 29, 2015

We didn’t know people even left voicemails anymore, but Colorado Deputy Sergeant Zach Farnam accidentally did when calling The Durango Herald reporter Chase Olivarius-McAllister back for a crime stats report.
He called her back with two other officers on the line as well, and when she didn’t answer, it obviously went to voicemail. But instead of hanging… More »

Patches Is The Crossing Guard Dog Who Helps Kids Safely Cross the Street

Katrin Higher / August 29, 2015

A 5-year-old black “Malti-Poo” (Maltese/Cockapoo mix) named Patches, wears a crossing guard vest and stop sign to help kids safely cross the street in the town of Jersey Shore, Pennsylvania and I am officially in love with him.

ABC Latest News | Latest News Videos

I’m not sure why we don’t have… More »

Watch: Disturbing Video Of Sarah Palin Adoring Donald Trump

Katrin Higher / August 29, 2015

Former VP candidate Sarah Palin is clearly head-over-heels for presidential candidate Donald Trump. I guess “mavericks” should stick together.
But one look at the video and it’s clear that they are both really boring mavericks. Yawn.
One of the funniest moments however, is when Palin asks him about the “idiots in the press” and Trum… More »

Julian Assange Fears Assassination Since ‘White Guys Are Now Targets’

Katrin Higher / August 29, 2015

Julian Assange, the Australian WikiLeaks founder and alleged rapist is still in asylum in Equador, after Sweden and France rejected his pleas to live there. He was granted political asylum by the government of Ecuador under the 1951 Refugee Convention in 2012.
Recently he interviewed with Time, complaining that he never gets to see the… More »

Teen Cleared Of Most Serious Charge In Prep School Rape Case

Newser / August 28, 2015

The man accused of raping a 15-year-old girlwhile they were students at a prestigious New Hampshire boarding school was found guilty of misdemeanor sexual assault but acquitted of more serious felony charges today, the Boston Globe reports. The victim claims Owen Labrie, 18 at the time, forced sexual intercourse on her—ignoring her pleas to sto… More »

Rogue Pooper On The Loose In Portland, Plus 10 Other Poop Bandits

Shit is going down in Portland, Oregon, y’all. A truly crappy state of affairs, residents are on the lookout for an as-yet-unidentified gentleman who has been seen evacuating his bowels in public spaces across their fair city. Yes, I said gentleman, as he travels with his own toilet paper and at least has the courtesy to wipe when he’s done,… More »

The Soapbox: As Serena Williams Knows, The Race-Based Wage Gap Is No Joke

Tiffanie Drayton / August 28, 2015

Serena may have whooped Maria Sharapova’s behind in 18 of their last 20 matches, but somehow, Sharapova is worth $5 million more. More »

Subway Franchisee Says Jared Fogle Bragged About Raping 9-Year-Olds In Thailand

Robyn Pennacchia / August 28, 2015

She says she alerted the company and was ignored. More »

Josh Duggar’s Extended Family Hoping He Gets “Broken” In Rehab

Robyn Pennacchia / August 28, 2015

Although the immediate Duggar family has been largely silent regarding Josh Duggar’s recent sex scandals — an Ashley Madison account, paying a porn star for rough sex, etc. etc.– other than the one statement about how he’s headed for “rehab,” two extended family members spoke to “Entertainment Tonight” about their feelings on finding out their… More »

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