Talk about stealing from the cookie jar. In Dayton, Ohio a former Girl Scout troop leader, Tamara Jo Ward, was convicted of taking $28,000 over the course of five years from the bank account where her troop stored their cookie money. Using a debit card, she used the money to pay her bills, buy groceries, and even go on vacation. But she got caught. And yesterday, she was sentenced to cough up $20,000 in restitution. Ward’s going to have to be a tough cookie to deal with all of those angry girl scouts. Maybe they should make a new badge in her honor? Something with the scales of justice embroidered on it? [Dayton Daily News]

“I don’t do all this talking on the thing, this is just some new stuff I’m doing,” Brown said in a YouTube video he made at Shaquille O’Neal’s house on Tuesday. “I just wanna say ‘What’s up?,’ because I ain’t been out there in a minute. But the new album is gonna be coming soon. We working on it right now. It’s called Graffiti. It’s got everything on it, so y’all be ready for that. I’m about to drop a single this summer for y’all. We ain’t going nowhere. Everybody that’s haters, they just been haters. All my real fans, I love you. I ain’t a monster.”

Um, really dude? After keeping silent for so long about your alleged altercation with Rihanna, you want your first message to the public to be a…plug for your new album? There’s a time and a place for self-promotion, but this “ain’t” it. Drop the attitude, not the album.

Jessica Simpson made headlines with her MTV reality show “Newlyweds,” especially after her famous Chicken of the Sea line. The show ended, as did Nick and Jess’ marriage. That’s why I was surprised to hear that Simpson is giving reality TV a second try with a new show, “The Price of Beauty.” This time around, the focus will be on “society’s scrutiny of women’s bodies.” Simpson, who has received a lot of flack in the press for a spike in weight exaggerated by a very unforgiving pair of high-waisted jeans, pitched the idea to several networks, according to Us Weekly. “The idea behind the show is that she and a friend set off on a road trip around the world in search of what people find beautiful and why,” a source from the magazine said.

If we had to pick one exercise we have the ultimate love/hate relationship with, it’d be squats. That’s why we were particularly impressed by this adorable dog who does them with ease. Seriously, the pooch could give Richard Simmons and Kim Kardashian a run for their buns of steel. (P.S. Urban dictionary has a totally different idea of what a squat dog is.)

Obviously, we are big Tina Fey, Amy Sedaris, and Aisha Tyler enthusiasts. So we immediately clicked on this Huffington Post poll about 15 of the leading ladies of funny. But—wait—it asks readers to rate the women on their looks? Even HuffPo acknowledges that it’s a “poll of ridiculous proportions.” Sure, these women are beautiful. But it’s their wit, slapstick antics, and all-around hilariousness that stole our hearts. So while we wished they asked, “Who’s the funniest comedienne?” we decided to take a look at the current rankings. What we found may surprise you.

Science has confirmed something we’ve known since middle school: Women talk more than men—about three times as much—plus we speak at a much faster rate than guys do. According to this study women spit out 20,000 words a day—that’s 13,000 more than most guys say in any given day. The reason? According to Dr. Luan Brizendine, author of The Female Brain, “Women devote more brain cells to talking than men.” She says we’re built to do this in the womb, while guys are wired differently.

Dr. Brizendine also has some other doozies for the age old Mars-versus-Venus debate. “Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road,” she says. Meanwhile, go figure, the part of the brain she calls the ‘sex processor’ is twice as big as in men as it is in women.

So do these findings mesh with the highly scientific research you’ve done in your life? Or does this sound totally right?

Danica Patrick made history last year when she became the first lady to win an IndyCar series, during a race in Japan. Now, the 27-year-old is hoping to drive home a much bigger win at the Indy 500 tomorrow. According to folks in the know, “The Indy 500 is the most important in the series and takes about three and one-half hours of all-out driving.” Translation: Crossing the finish line first would give Patrick the driving credentials to justify all the media attention and magazine covers she’s gotten over the years. Here’s why we’re thinking Patrick has what it takes…