Tag Archives: love advice

Ask A Married Guy: “My Boyfriend Is Suddenly Being Weird About Moving In Together”

Ask A Married Guy: "My Boyfriend Is Suddenly Being Weird About Moving In Together"

I’m confused about whether or not I should move in with my boyfriend of about a year.  We are both in our twenties. For the past year, I’ve been living with roommates. During that time, he would frequently invite me over to his place, a house with a big yard, and then invite me to stay the night.  He would do this almost every night and feel very happy about it, even proudly joking he had successfully “stolen” me from my roommates once again. He always talked about me moving in. Even when I tried to find other roommates, he would always insist I just move in with him.

But when my roommates moved out a month before the lease expired, his story changed.  Now that it’s just me, he never “steals” me, and if I go to his place he is sure to bring me back to my place so we can sleep separately. Now he says he’d prefer for us both to have our own separate places.  I can’t afford to live on my own in this city without roommates, plus I very much prefer to live with other people. Living alone feels unnatural, uncomfortable and unsafe to me.

My lease expires soon, and I wasn’t searching for other roommates very seriously as I was spending most of my time with him, and up until a few weeks ago, he was insisting I live with him. Why did he only want me when I was living with other people?  What is going on in his head?  I feel trapped. – S.

It boils down to this: there’s a difference between what people say, and what people do. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Why Is My Boyfriend So … In-Between?”

Commitment Kryptonite?
Ask A Married Guy: "Am I Destined To Be Kryptonite For Commitment?"
Tom has advice for a woman whose relationships don't last. Read More »
Married Guy: Brazilians
ask a married guy
A reader asks: Should I get a Brazilian wax? Read More »
Married Guy: Players
Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"
"Did I just get played by the player of all players?!" Read More »
Ask A Married Guy: "Why Is My Boyfriend So ... In-Between?"

I’ve been dating a guy for seven months. He’s in the middle of an easy divorce (no kids, no assets). I’m going through a divorce too (I have kids). We were head over heels for each other in the first few months. He had no issues with me having kids. He would always ask to see me, and we did tons of fun stuff together. I had a toothbrush at his house, and even had dinners with his parents. Great, right? But in the past few weeks, he’s distant, not making an effort to see me. He makes excuses about work, and when I ask him about it he says I’m overreacting, that sometimes life gets in the way and there’s nothing wrong with our relationship. I’ve been making all the effort, rearranging my schedule to spend time with him, and he doesn’t seem to appreciate it. He has a very lax, “ehhh I’ll see you when I see you” attitude. He says he’s not looking to remarry any time soon and I’m honestly not either, but there has to be an in-between phase, right? We can be in a relationship and take it easy, but I don’t get the 180-degree change in behavior. Why is he so in-between? – Danielle

It could be a lot of things. He could be dealing with a lot of pain. Maybe he’s not that into you anymore. Or he could in truth, be really busy with work and life and all that complicated stuff. But here’s the point: IT DOESN’T MATTER. His deal is his deal. Focus on yourself. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Am I Destined To Be Kryptonite For Commitment?”

Ask A Married Guy: "Am I Destined To Be Kryptonite For Commitment?"

I am an attractive writer, divorced for almost four years. For as long as I can remember, I have never been at a loss for male attention. Since my separation, I have dated plenty of guys. But, the only guys I seem to attract who are not paralyzed by the idea of even commitment-lite are already married to someone else!

For my entire dating life, I have shied away from appearing needy, bitter, or desperate because those three qualities make my skin crawl. I have had a good number of great first dates where we seem to click on many levels. Yet, at some point, same guy will shift to texts and phone calls, evading a second or maybe third meet.

I am not ready to give up. I enjoy the company of men. And I do really want to be in a loving relationship with someone available. Especially since I had a 15 year marriage of convenience — for timing and “appropriateness” more than affection, sex, or love.

So, am I destined to be Kryptonite for commitment? Or can I change my game plan of appearing independent? – Beth

Beth, your email contains equal parts heartbreak and hope. In that order.

Commitment is the tragic ambition of all humans. We seek it constantly. We yearn for unconditional love. But when the wrong person asks it of US? Eww. Gross. Go away. Why the fuck do we do this to each other? Why do we take the risk of breaking our hearts, and those of others, over and over again, looking for this ineffable thing called commitment? Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: When He Says He’s “Just Not Sure”

Married Guy: Players
Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"
"Did I just get played by the player of all players?!" Read More »
The Do-Not-Date List
Guys you should avoid at all costs! Read More »

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

I’ve been dating this amazing guy for 10 months. Two months into our relationship, he told me he loved me and I realized I loved him back. Lately, things have started to change. He spends less time with me and stopped saying he loved me (the only exception is when he’s drunk).

When I finally asked him about it, he said that he likes me now (like, not love) but isn’t sure what the future holds. At this point, I cannot imagine doing anything but break up with him. However, he still wants to keep seeing me or take a break to sort his feelings out. When I prodded him further, he confessed that the driving factor in all this is his fear of commitment. Some days he says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, other days he’s not so sure. He wants some time to sort out his feelings. The other item we discussed is that we don’t ever really talk about the deep stuff, that even though we’ve been dating for a while, we don’t actually know each other all that well. He thinks maybe if we continue seeing each other and getting to know each other better, his feelings may change.

I don’t know if I should cut my losses and end this relationship now. What’s the point of getting my hopes up again or wasting my time by continuing to see each other? What is wrong with him — if he doesn’t love me anymore, why can’t he just leave it be? – BC

Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Is Mr. Nice Just Stringing Me Along?”

Married Guy: Lies
Ask A Married Guy: "I Can't Forget That My New Boyfriend Lied To Me At The Beginning Of Our Relationship"
"I can't forget that my new BF lied at the beginning of our relationship." Read More »
Married Guy: Brazilians
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A reader asks: Should I get a Brazilian wax? Read More »
Married Guy: Players
Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"
"Did I just get played by the player of all players?!" Read More »

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

Mr. Nice and I met in 2012. Our first date lasted 13 hours: incredible, as was every date after that. We’re both divorced: he’s 52 and I’m 46, each with two kids (his in college, mine in high school). We’ve kept the kids out of it, so neither has been to the others’ home.

About eight months in, he started to become withdrawn, calling less frequently in the evening. We were still going out several times a week (dinners, movies, etc.), but it was not the same.

I finally inquired, and he gave me this response: he moved a deceased friend’s wife and four kids into his house. The friend’s wife was going through cancer treatment, unable to work, had no family, and was on the verge of homelessness. He felt he had no option but to help. He went on to say there wasn’t anything going on between them (he volunteered info), and that he hadn’t it shared with me because he didn’t know how I would respond. He said he adored where we were relationship-wise and wanted to continue. (Eight months into dating, we weren’t having sex. Lots of heavy kissing and cuddling, even a few weekend get-aways in a shared bed, but no sex). We both agreed early on that sex complicates things and we really wanted to take it slow. Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?”

Ask A Married Guy: "Did I Just Get Played By The Player-Of-All-Players?"

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

So I’ve been a friend of this good guy for over 10 years.  We’ve always had sexual tension, but I never really gave a thought to it nor did I think we were going to act on it. On a total random drunken night, we had sex.  So we decided to go on a date, and it really was no different from any other time we’ve hung out.  He said stupid things to me all night like “You’re my dream girl,” and to be honest, I loved it and had a great time.  I didn’t realized how much I actually like this guy, until one day – he just stopped calling. He’d make plans, and cancel last minute, which is unlike him. We’ve always been close, and I’ve known FOR YEARS that he is a commitment-phobe.  All the years that we’ve been friends, he’s never had a single date. Is this guy genuinely scared of me/relationships or did I just get played by the player-of-all-players? — Alisa

You did not get played. You got “manned.”

Let me tell you something about men. Their deepest, darkest fear is being trapped.  It’s constant. They fear it even when there are no traps in sight. Put a man in a wide-open emotional space, with nothing but happy meadows and tweeting birds for miles around, and he’ll still be terrified of some girl popping up yelling, “I’m pregnant and it’s yours!” Keep reading »

Your “Significant Other Is Returning From A Business Trip” Check List!

Your "Significant Other Is Returning From A Business Trip" Check List!

Those of us with significant others who travel for work often spend days and weeks at a time alone. This solitude can be wonderful — control of the TV, a bed to yourself, tons of quality “me time.” What inevitably happens to us non-traveling partners is laziness. With no one watching, you end up forgetting to do some of the basics. Never fear, your jet-setting lover never has to know! Keep reading »

Ask A Married Guy: “Should I Tell My Fiancé That I Hooked Up With My Female Friend Before We Met?”

Ask A Married Guy: "Should I Tell My Fiancé That I Hooked Up With My Female Friend Before We Met?"

This is our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email him at friskymarriedguy@gmail.com! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.

I’m happily engaged to my boyfriend of four years.  About four-and-a-half years ago, my friend Angela and I hooked up, twice. She’s strictly a lesbian, and was single at the time. Too much booze was involved both times, and it was just something that happened that had no strings attached. We remained good friends. Angela and her girlfriend Amy have been together for two years. I see Angela regularly, and Amy occasionally.  I genuinely like Amy, and think that she’s a great match for my friend. But I recently learned (through a friend) that Amy is jealous, and doesn’t approve of my friendship with Angela because of our past.  This upsets me because Angela and I have no romantic relationship potential or desire.  I love my fiancé very much, but we have never discussed past relationships or sexual encounters as Angela and Amy obviously have.  I have not yet spoken to Angela about this, and now I feel like I am keeping a secret from my fiancé.  Angela is one of two girls I have asked to stand up with me at my wedding next year, and now I’m not so sure where to go from here. Should I talk to her or just try to casually bow out of this friendship?  Do I tell my fiancé? – Sarah

Oh, so many secrets. Please leave a copy of your email, in code, on microfilm, up a false chimney, in a barn, in Yemen … IN CASE YOU ARE CAPTURED. Keep reading »

How To Start Dating Outside Your Type

Change Your Type!
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Types Of A**holes
Asshole
Here are some common assholes and how to deal with them. Read More »
How To Start Dating Outside Your Type

We pick up our phone everyday, see the same pattern of emoji-laden iMessages from the same seven people. When we head to the bar, we’re drawn to buy a drink for the same kinds of people — the pierced girl, the prep, the bookish nerd, the rustic leather jacket clad bad boy. Our types are something we’ve all accepted having, something we even laugh about. Maybe that’s not as peachy keen as we think it is.

A recently released study by Aalto University indicates that people have a tendency to communicate with the same kinds of people again and again. Through tracking mobile phone patterns, researchers concluded that we’re all just wading in the same talk bubble of the same people, the same genders, and same ages every damn day. And it’s restricting us; communicating in identical groups stymies new ideas and information from circulating. It also leads to dating déjà vu: that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach where you recognize a current date is nearly identical to your ex and they keep talking about “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” nonstop. Oh, crap. They even chew in that same obnoxious way. Keep reading »

Wes Anderson’s Guide To Love

Wes Anderson's Guide To Love

As a self-proclaimed Wes Anderson junkie, I couldn’t wait to take a peek at the just-released trailer for his latest film, “The Grand Budapest Hotel.” In what looks to be another classic from the famed director, the romance between lobby boy Zero (Tony Revolori) and Saoirse Ronan’s Agatha is reminiscent of the young sweethearts in last year’s “Moonrise Kingdom.” Set in the ’60s on a New England island, that film follows Suzy and Sam, troubled preteens who write love letters to each other before deciding to run away together. The young star-crossed lovers at the center of the camp-themed coming-of-age film really just melt your heart.

Wes’s films always incorporate a romantic coupling, exes, or a love triangle, and the characters involved are usually full of witty advice and observations on relationships. So until we see how Zero and Agatha’s love story plays out in “The Grand Budapest Hotel,” let’s look back at the couples and ex-couples from Wes movies along with their lines on love’s redeeming, disappointing, and confusing qualities. Read more on Tres Sugar…

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