So have you noticed that I haven’t written this column in awhile? That’s because it’s going monthly. Planning a wedding is not that action-packed, to be honest! Especially when you haven’t actually started planning it yet—well, to be fair, we are waiting to hear back on a particular location. If that gets secured, I will actually start working on the other details.

But just because my reply to the nearly daily question, “How’s the wedding planning coming along?” is “What wedding planning?”, doesn’t mean I still don’t have plenty to say about being engaged. And I have determined in the last six months that the easiest way to determine if you’re ready to marry someone, the easiest way to make sure that this person is the right one to spend forever with, is if you can tolerate all the things about them that annoy you. Because fiances are still annoying.

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Who needs gold, platinum and silver, when you can have blood, tats and locks? Today’s celebs are anything but traditional when it comes to expressing their love and “commitment” to each other. Rings are just too boooring for these celebs.

Most recently, Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson have been spotted around town sporting matching red infinity lock bracelets by Jules Smith to show off their alleged lesbian love. They also apparently wear matching anchor necklaces as a sign of “stability,” oh and Sam recently gave Lindsay a $22,000 Cartier ring. They are really selling this “we’re together forever thing.” My bet’s another week. Anyway, here are some other famous couples that have chosen unique ways of staking claim on their partners, after the jump…

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The following story turned even my black heart into a marshmallow rainbow where unicorns can prance. When we read about the eight-year-old British boy who proposed to his best girl at a laser tag party, we got so many warm fuzzies we nearly melted our plastic covered PC.  After battling leukemia for four years, Reece Flemming was given weeks to live by his doctors.  And the little guy had one big wish—to marry his grade school sweetheart.  Oh damn, here come the tears. (Also, we adults can barely muster a man to take us out for casual drinks, and this kid is willing to commit?!) So, the brave and romantic Reece proposed to his girlfriend, Ellie Purgslove. She said yes (becoming the only child bride we would ever support). The parents set up a make-believe wedding with rings, a certificate and a Vicar officiating. Then the two went to dinner in the Mayor’s limo to celebrate for their first and last time as husband and wife. Sadly, albeit his wishes fulfilled, Reece passed away the very next day. Sorry, I can’t type anymore, I need a tissue. [Telegraph U.K.]

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According to Dr. Sue Johnson (not to be confused with the old Sex Talk’s silver fox, Sue Johanson), there are three types of sex.  Short and sweet, long and aerobic, drunken and sloppy? Well, that’s what we thought!  But the doc breaks it down a little more scientifically. Sue says emotional presence is the biggest aphrodisiac and it defines the degrees of intercourse.  The freedom of speech you can achieve with a partner actually informs your Big O. With that in mind, here are the sexy levels of sex—whether you’re in a relationship or not—as Doc Johnson sees it, after the jump…

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at tips@thefrisky.com.

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Ladies and Gentlemen, I have a dilemma…My boyfriend has a career. OK, so you’re probably grumbling to yourself, “I can think of at least 10 things worst than that.” But did I tell you it’s a music career?

Yes, my guy is one of a few trying to change the direction of hip hop, so we never have to hear crap like “Crank That (Soulja Boy)” ever again. I’m really proud of him for fighting this uphill battle, but I can’t help feeling a little jealous or disappointed when his career comes before me, like when he deejays EVERY Friday night.

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Have you ever been attracted to someone whom you only heard, but had not seen? Well it turns out that through our senses, we are able to judge a potential mate’s health and reproductive genetics--reflected in the symmetry of their body--via the sound of his/her voice. In a recent study, published in the Journal of Nonverbal Behavior, participants listened to recorded voices and rated the voices based on attractiveness according to nine characteristics, including approachability, intelligence, sexiness and warmth. The researchers found that men and women whose voices were deemed approachable, sexy and intelligent were the most attractive overall. And the voices rated the most attractive were from those whose bodies were the most symmetrical. But a sexy voice and symmetrical body have nothing to do with the attractiveness of a person’s face. And researchers are still unable to objectively quantify a “sexy voice.” [Tango]

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Admitting you’re boy-crazy is a bit like admitting to alcoholism or to an embarrassing addiction to The Real Housewives of Orange County. It might be okay when you’re fifteen years old, and you plaster your room with posters of Leonardo DiCaprio and Barry Manilow (so I was a strange child). But, I find that increasingly, as I enter into the twentysomething world, I’m faced with a dilemma: I’m no less boy-crazy, but I’m a whole more embarrassed about it. 

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Relationships expert Dr. Pam Spurr writes in The Times (U.K.) that one of the secrets to a lasting relationship is touching without sex, i.e., hugs and cuddling. But men have been discouraged from a young age, around 9 or 10, not to ask for hugs, so they find intimacy difficult and think their girl cuddling with them means she’s in the mood for sex. Basically, it seems like you have to retrain them to realize that hugs are just nice by themselves sometimes. If you have forgotten how to hug, here are some instructions for the “Lover Hug”: “Extend your arms toward him and hold them around his neck and shoulders. Lean as close as possible and press your torso against his. In situations of extreme intimacy, interlocking your leg in his is appropriate. Avoid holding arms below his shoulders and/or embracing strongly and tensely.” [The Times, U.K. and wikiHow]

Amelia was so distracted by her dog Lucca’s cute butt that Gul___’s name got truncated. Give your best guess in the comments.

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at tips@thefrisky.com.

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Fuel prices are affecting bank accounts, that’s for sure, but did you know high prices might be influencing relationships, as well? An article in The Washington Post discusses the effects of increased plane ticket prices on long-distance relationships. It seems that as a result of the current state of the economy, many going the distance are either seeing each other less often or reducing their spending on other extras. I never quite understood how people in LDRs did it in the first place—they seem so taxing.

Greg Guldner, the director of the Center for the Study of Long Distance Relationships says it’s too soon to tell whether the economic downturn will truly affect LDRs, but high prices do seem to make couples more stressed. However, his research shows that people doing the long-distance thing don’t need to see each other a certain amount of times—like every month—to make their relationship work. “People who buy into those myths who now can’t afford to [travel] are now facing quite the dilemma,” Guildner said. “Because if they believe that the relationship won’t work if they don’t see each other once a month, they may be making decisions about either ending the relationship or ending whatever it is that’s keeping them apart.” [Washington Post via Tango]

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A swan couple in England that has been together for seven years was forced to spend 10 days apart after the male was attacked by a dog. The dog severely injured the poor guy’s left wing, and the swan had to be rescued by firefighters in a boat, treated by a vet, and nursed back to health at a wildlife rescue center. The “cob,” which is the term for a male swan (females are known as “pens"), was then released, and the pair of swans swam toward each other and lovingly rubbed necks as if they had been apart for an eternity. This would be really sweet if a swan hadn’t bitten me (unprovoked!) when I was about four years old. [ShropshireStar]

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First date. He comes to my apartment for a boxed wine party a deux, his enthusiasm for Franzia leading me to believe this is the exact person I should be dating.  And he’s cute.  He’s real cute.  Over the course of the evening I find out that he’s smart.  He’s a self-proclaimed “literature guy.” He’s funny. He reaches over and pushes aside the hair that’s fallen in my eyes while I’m laughing.  I like him.  And then he says, “There’s something I need to tell you...”

Ahh!  Enter the inevitable dealbreaker.  (My, don’t you look familiar!) When he then confesses that he “can’t have sex right now,” I breathe a huge (and embarrassingly audible) sigh of relief.  I’m thinking, “No big deal!  He’s just a hermaphrodite or something! I’ll learn to love it.” But when I ask why, I find out that no, it’s not something simple like a combo of boy and girl parts down there, it’s much more complicated than that.  This guy can’t have sex because, well, he’s very religious. 

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For his wife’s 29th birthday, a man gave her 52 tiny envelopes each filled with a handwritten love note and enough cash to buy herself fresh flowers. Check out the beautiful blooms she’s bought so far. Gentlemen, this is the basically the sweetest gift ever. If you can’t find the perfect gift for your lady friend and she loves fresh flowers, she will basically be obsessed with you after you do this. I know I would be. [Year of Flowers on Flickr via A Cup Of Jo]

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For some people the idea of having an affair is super sexy, but also complicated, time consuming, and dangerous. That’s why it should come as no surprise that there are actually matchmaking services out there dedicated to bringing two morally bankrupt, already committed people together. Meet2Cheat and The Ashley Madison Agency both charge pretty reasonable sums to pair up men and women who are dying to stray but too lazy or ugly to make a forbidden love connection with someone they already know. Haven’t they heard of Craigslist? [Via Twentysomething Tales]

The other day, I was telling some stupid story about something ridiculous that happened in college and since my ex-boyfriend was integral to the story, I mentioned that he was there. It gave me some pause because I realized that my exes come up a lot. I don’t think I’m unnaturally obsessed with them, but I’m also not going to sacrifice the punchline to a good story just because I’m scared it’s going to upset my current beau. (Also, I know he’s going to be okay with these mentions, because, duh, he realizes that I’m totally not hung up on these dudes.) Funny thing, though. My boy Andy rarely mentioned his ex-girlfriends. At most, he’ll be like, “Yeah, I’ve been to North Carolina. Asheville’s amazing.” And I have to say, “Who were you with, [insert name of one of his exes]?” Which he either confirms or denies, depending on his mood.

We’ve both hit the point that we know what’s in the past is in the past and not necessarily affecting what we have. But I do wonder if I should be more prudent about my hilarious ex-boyfriend stories. Because even though he doesn’t care, I’m sure he also doesn’t really want to know. 

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Shortbus, Swingtown, Kinsey, the media does a great job of making polyamory seem sexy. After all, who doesn’t want to get the most bang for their buck? Open relationships sound good in theory, are they really in practice?  While most of us seem to have a hard enough time wrangling one man, could we juggle two or three or four?  After a couple of seasons of polygamy portrayed in Big Love, we’ve all got curiosities, questions and secret desires.  And thankfully Jenny Block has got public answers. A bisexual author, suburban wife and mother, Block has just written what is considered by the polyamorous community to be a ground-breaking autobiographical book Open: Love, Sex, and Life In An Open Marriage.  Ms. Block loves her husband and their daughter, but she longed for more sex and wanted some of it to be with women.  So, she and her husband decided to boldly go polyamorous and then talk about their experiences. Man, that sounds so healthy and slutty, a rare-ish combination.  What’s their secret?!  Guess there’s only one way to find out—make Open your required summer reading. [Huffington Post]

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at tips@thefrisky.com.

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Friday marked the sweet 16th Anniversary of my first kiss—conveniently also on Independence Day.  I thought it was going to go down just like DJ Tanner and Steve on Full House. In my case, the poor kid licked my face and then ran back to the boy’s side of my sleep away camp.  I’d never seen a fat kid run so fast.  But I also found out two key things over the summer make-out session: 1. Practice makes perfect. 2. Spring may have its flings, but in summer, things really heat up. We all want to be naked, we’re already warmed up, and everyone is out and about, strutting their stuff and bumping into strangers. It’s a booty buffet and this summer is already looking pretty steamy!  Have you ladies been putting the ho in hot too? Confess in the comments…

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In honor of Independence Day, we asked around for the best things about being single and independent. Here’s the top ten!

10. HOOKING UP
“Kissing total strangers when you’re out at bars or on dance floors. No names, no numbers exchanged, just random frenching.”—Sonia
“Ahh, guiltless, shameless flirting with strangers.”—Jocelyn

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If you are trying to occupy yourself at work (only four more hours until 5 p.m.), I recommend you read this cute story. It’s about a man who met his wife on Craigslist, and not in the “casual encounters” section. Chris Ayres sold his couch to a woman named Lucie, and today they’re married and have a kid. [The Times, U.K.]

I remember the end with a daunting visual and emotional clarity that is sometimes even accompanied by a distinctly palpable nausea. We were lying in bed one overcast afternoon, the bed we’d shared for years, the bed that had actually lived against a different wall when we first met, the bed with the creaky mattress that necessitated a trip to Sleepy’s, whereas there was no store where we could purchase a salve for our dying relationship. Annihilated by that particular form of fatigue that results from an exhausted argument for which there is no solution, we drowsed in and out of sleep. At one point I felt that very bed lift, as if suspended by an unseen platform, and to my left I could see a coursing, churning brook, and to my right, a dried up riverbed. As I caught myself falling to that side I jolted awake, felt him sleeping next to me, and tried to insinuate myself beneath his heavy arm. He too awoke with a start, and then rolled over to turn away from me. All the glassy looks, the distant conversations and the poison tongued exchanges suddenly seemed inconsequential compared to this very concrete action, proof that it was indeed over.

Have you seen graffiti that’s kind of sweet (even if it is against the law)? Send us a pic at tips@thefrisky.com.