The March issue of Marie Claire has a brief Q&A called “The Breakup Artist” with Boston-based divorce lawyer Gerald Nissenbaum, who’s so good at his job he charges upwards of $700 an hour and gets his clients nine-figure settlements. He’s also pretty good at preventing those high-payout settlements, too, when the occasion fits. The mag got Nissenbaum to share some of his advice on preventing divorces and what not to do when divorcing, but I found his advice on affairs to be the most interesting. Although Nissenbaum says most affairs aren’t about love and aren’t worth risking a marriage, he says the relationship must remain a secret and even gives tips on how to keep it that way.

“The City” star Whitney Port wears a pair of pants fugly enough to stop traffic. [2/8/10, NYC]

The last time we heard from Louis Vuitton, they were offering $2,000 garbage bag purses. What’s next? A bag that monitors your emotions for you. In theory—and we do mean “theory”—the bag will “feel what you feel” while you take your walkabout. A jewelry accessory attached to the bag features a heart and emotion monitor that sends your location and heart rate to your smart phone, thereby creating a “heartbeat path” that maps the emotional changes throughout your journey. I’m not sure what the point of this device is? I suppose it depends on what you’re doing. If you’re shopping? Eh. But if you’re on your way to meet your valentine? It could be kind of sweet. [FER-OZ]

Some of us need proof in order to believe in the existence of life’s elusive mysteries. Call us skeptics if you like, but aren’t we really just being rational human beings? Take this so-called “love” thingy for example. Why are we all wasting our money on chocolates and roses this Valentine’s Day for an intangible, irrational feeling? You can’t see it, or touch it—there is no scientific way to quantify this crazy little thing called love. Or is there? After the jump, some recent scientific findings about love, for those of us who prefer fact over fancy when it comes to our hearts’ desires. See if these findings make you a believer.

Many women dream of their wedding days. They envision a sunset ceremony on a secluded beach and the inter-generational dancing at their reception, but most of all, they picture themselves in a poofy dress walking down the aisle ... with Pauly D. Yes, you read that correctly. Michael Schweiger, who handles appearance requests for all the cast mates of “Jersey Shore” besides Snooki, has revealed the craziest request he’s received so far. A California bride offered Pauly D $50,000 to walk her down the aisle. Even crazier—Pauly turned the offer down. “Pauly is a serious DJ,” explained Schweiger. “He does not want to be doing stuff that is unrelated to DJ-ing.” [NY Daily News]

Meanwhile, the party poopers over at MTV are trying to rein in “Jersey Shore” appearances.

This month’s Italian Vogue came out emblazoned with an all-caps rallying cry for all the “individuals” out there. Oddball models Jamie Bochert and Agyness Deyn pose poutily on either side of crazy-dressing heiress Daphne Guinness and for a second we were a bit heartened. Daphne isn’t even a model! There’s a cowboy hat involved! Yes, we see some thigh and midriff, but everyone’s relatively clothed! Oh, but wait: all three have matching dark brown hair and are roughly the size of a twig. Couple this new, pseudo-unique Italian Vogue cover with the naked LOVE mag images—which claimed to be all about showing different sized beautiful people but featured only tall, thin models—floating around the net lately and it looks like we have an icky trend on our hands: Magazines are simply jumping on the individuality bandwagon without actually committing to the ideology.

Rihanna was accused of trying to be a mini Beyonce early in her career. Remember the long, honey blonde hair? But then RiRi got a little punky around the time Sasha Fierce was allowed to come out more and more. And while Rihanna and Bey look nothing alike now, you can’t deny that Rihanna took a few cues about stage presence, leotards, and crazy accessories from Beyonce. Now, though, it seems Rihanna is looking across the pond for some style inspiration, and she has her binoculars fixed on M.I.A. Check out this photo and another one after the jump from Rihanna’s “Rude Boy” video, and tell me those stripes and the mood of the outfits don’t look familiar. [Def Jam Recordings]