Category Archives: Horoscopes

Friskyscopes are your weekly love horoscopes from your astrosexologist Kiki T.! Learn more about what your astrological sign should expect this week in the dating, relationship, and sex department.

For The Week Of June 2-8, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As fate would have it, you’re born under the sign of the perfectionist wannabe and can spend days mentally flogging yourself for the slightest errors in your decision-making. So, be careful when given all sorts of offers at the office. Whatever you do, celebrate the one that brings you money; ignore the one that can lead you to removing your clothes.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The hottest thing you have to turn on the boys this week? Your big set of morals. Seems out of all your tricks, none will be great and powerful as the way you stand up for the underdog and fight the fight for what you believe. Go ahead, release your anger and take that high road. When you get to the top, trust they’ll be someone ready to be your bottom.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

It’s karmic payback time. This means the universe is going to tallying the score and see if you’re a saint or a sinner. Depending on where you place, the magnitude of your prize will correspond. Of course, knowing you, your hands have been in all sorts of naughty places, which means one twisted surprise headed your way.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You and your honey can expect a period of hungering for each other like savage animals, with his electric rod of love lighting up your life in ways never imagined. The only catch, both your flaky sides will be out and killing the timing. Luckily, the job, when done, will be so good that the lulls in-between will keep you giddy.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Boredom is optional. If you find yourself sinking deeper into the shadows of your demons, stop it. Instead, get your ass to the gym and sweat it out. Pump up those endorphins and drench your body in pheromones. After all, if your attitude will be less than spectacular, might as well rely on the old tricks of Mother Nature to get yourself some.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Reconnecting with an old friend will warm the cockles of your heart and have you seeing life as you once loved it isn’t gone forever, but has transformed. So, just when you think you were settling down and losing it, in comes salvation. To reclaim the youth that you still have to burn, jump onto the spontaneity bandwagon and let it take you were it may.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

A new beginning is yours, but the deal is you have to end another thing first. Even if you just mentally make a note of whatever you have to end, as in a nasty habit of any sort, the universe will be willing to make you that exchange on credit…which means, you better live up to your end of the bargain if you want positive karma to keep playing on your side.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your flirty nature goes wild, attracting new and zany characters into your life. Sure, you can’t take most of them seriously, but they’ll entertain nonetheless and come with all sorts of talents you can exploit. So, who cares what the circumstances are, let these men worship you and do all your necessary handy work — and you can define “handy work” on whatever terms you choose.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your love is god and it needs proper worship. Yes, this is your time to stop the martyr routine, picking up the scraps and trying to make it work for you. Enough of the bargain mentality when it comes to romance, it’s completely passé. However, to get satisfaction means putting out the work too — and for you, this could start with losing that bad habit lying next to you.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Luckily you’re a gal born with so many talents and personalities that you always have a back up plan. Be ready to launch a new one as you mind calls anarchy on your body and has the two sides fighting for control. Happily, this will be way more comedic than tragic, but prepare, you’ll be running all about town with your panties in a bunch.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

No matter where you go, the past will haunt you. Seems nothing new can erase the old and it’ll consume you until you get on your hands and knees and start praying for a release…or you pick up the phone and call that person that has been enslaving your libido and mind. Astrologically, they’ll be happy to hear from you, drama queen.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

If you’re attached, realize the Siamese twin routine is played and no one is having any fun being dragged or doing the dragging around town. So, if you want any passion, separate and do your own thing. Creating time to miss each other not only will do wonders for your sex life, but it’ll give you twice the gossip to talk about. Yes, a win-win solution for everyone!

For The Week Of May 26-June 1, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Brace yourself, this is going to be a week of hell where the one you’re working on won’t respond quite the way you would think, confirming that this person is in fact an idiot. Whatever, their standards suck. Sure, you barked up the wrong tree, but thankfully you’re smart enough to know this recent lack of judgment is an exception to your usual rule.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Hopefully you’re reading this on a tropical paradise, lounging about with hot studs fanning you with giant leaves and a cocktail by your side. If so, bonsai! It’s exactly where you should be. If you are reading this elsewhere, change your trajectory. Hedonistic pursuits are your only worthwhile challenge now.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Stop wasting your time creating worst-case scenarios. Not only are you cosmically drawing that negative energy to you, you are neglecting to realize that time has its own agenda and that only in time can you see how your story unfurls. What you know today might not hold true tomorrow. This week, expect a sexy red herring to prove this point.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If you’ve been seeing someone, a new comfort level is about to be achieved near the 25th and can have you dreaming about the next step. However, take heed that your brain gets jumbled on the 27th, making your libido more ambitious than your heart. In other words, enjoy the sex, but avoid making any deep commitments.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

The only things you’ll be wrestling with this week are your demons. Unfortunately, confusion will put you in panic mode and not be sending off your best vibes into the universe. Forget trying to reason with it. Give in and go all the way — take down those bitches! Besides, the only way to lure the prospects back is with the scent of your sweat from a victorious battle.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your question of the week is, “How bad do you want it?” This could mean sex, love or just a distracting flirtation. Whichever, know that it’s possible, but it just won’t come easy — like crawling through a minefield of mental traps. The worst part is, the end result might not even be worth the efforts. So, be smart, really know how much you want it.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Be careful using guilt as a weapon. Passive aggressive tactics to get your honey to do as you wish is only going to backfire on you. If you want him to take action, you are going to have to lead by example and hope he catches on. If he does, then know he is on the same page. If not, then realize you might have to consider how smart he really is.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Watch what you say, because being misconstrued and having the wrong information come back to bite you is highly probable. To play it safe, don’t spill any of your secrets or confess any of your feelings. Ideally, this is a good time to beginning a flirtation, but do it with actions, like a wink to the hottie you see in your morning commute, but keep all else to yourself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money matters to you and there should be no love for anyone, unless they can pay to keep up with you. Not to say you should turn into a gold digging whore, but draw the line on those broke-a$$ boys that need you as their sugar momma. Accept a guy with potential may be sexy, but a guy living out his potential is sexier.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your brain will feel like scrambled eggs all week in regard to boys. Lucky you though, your best play isn’t to bear all the responsibilities, but take in the worship and observe the situation. Although it’ll be hard not to throw your two cents in every two minutes, your silence will give you a vital position to scope out the long term potential.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Stop blaming the world for your problems, because the more you bitch the more negative energy will come your way. Instead, to jump start the feeling of joie de vivre, spread open your wallet and treat yourself. So what if life is less than stellar? And who cares that your love life is rocky as hell? You have the power to buy some happiness, hook yourself up.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sure, you’re the queen of the zodiac, the ruler of romance and the original It Girl. However, despite that startling resume, you aren’t perfect and can’t contain all the answer to the universe’s mystery. So, when a lusty conflict happens between you and a close friend (for example, fighting over a guy) realize this can happen to even the best of them.

For The Week Of May 19-25, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

This is the beginning of one of those phases when you’ll have to spend a lot of time talking to yourself, convincing yourself everything is fine. Unfortunately, there’s no good news to report right now, as it’ll feel as if everyone is going against you. If anything, make it your time to compensate with overspending and overeating. Yes, find satisfaction wherever available.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Get your priorities in order. Put on your party hat and hit the town. Your infectious energy is necessary to inspire friends around you from skimming the bottom of the mood chain. By assuming the role of the cheerleader, good things will follow. After all, how deliciously will you stick out being the lively center in a group of well-dressed zombies?

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Mark the 19th down and watch what happens near then. In a rare astrological form, there are two full moons in Scorpio this year, which means if you didn’t settle an ongoing trauma last month, the gods are giving you another chance. As destiny goes, second chances are precious and if given one, you better rise to the occasion. Otherwise, you’ll be royally f’ed.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Rocky relationship times are coming. Even despite wrapping one issue, others randomly appear. While the love is there and you will be solid despite the mess, the small aggravations will irritate. The worst is that by next week, these conversations hit repeat. To circumvent the repetition, answer with action: tackle him down and give his mouth something else to do.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Although you’d love to escape to a desert island with a superfluous supply of your vices and a gaggle of able-bodies love slaves, you’re going to have to postpone even the fantasy. Seems you’ll have no time to even think, as an unexpected work pandemonium has you fighting for survival. Dramatic? Yes, but wouldn’t it have to be, to leave such paradise behind?

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’ve been nice for too long. Stop being taken foregranted of and get acknowledged for all the efforts you put out, demand pay back. Put yourself in the spotlight and indulge your most selfish ways. If you give him no choice, but to worship, he will oblige — and in a way that’ll make everyone feel all right.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Despite the fact that you’ll be in full homebody mode, beyond moody and noncommittal, motivate yourself to do something larger than life. Break free from the confines of your excuses and dare to take a leap into the unknown. Even if the spark lasts for less than 10 seconds, at least it’ll give you something specific to be isolated, moody and noncommittal about.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Being bitchy might be the way you land them, but it’s not the way you’re going to keep them. Sorry to say darling, but these days your insanity could scare salmon from swimming upstream. That’s right, your negative energy will have the power to confuse instincts and self-sabotage. Curb those undercutting opinions, no matter how imperative you think it is to win.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money makes the world go round. Expect a pleasant windfall to hit your wallet and give it a bulge it hasn’t seen in years. The one caveat, the cash won’t come in directly. It might be your partner’s or you’ll only hear about the pending cash, but the check will still have yet to arrive. Either or, you’ll be one lucky bitch.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You know how people think you’re a multi-personality disaster of mayhem and manipulation? Well, hold on to your hat because you might think the same as your mind ping-pongs between extremes. Feelings will vary one minute from the next and what you say might not be what you feel for too long. Whatever, at the least, no one could ever accuse you of being boring.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

The past returns to kick your ass. Unresolved emotions resurface by way of someone returning or your own flip-outs from nostalgia. Whichever the case, expect to reconnect with something that you’ll be painfully aware of how toxic it can be for you, but you can’t seem to resist. Don’t fret, fate has your back and in the end, you will come out enlightened.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A friendship with much sexual tension will start to get you uncontrollably hot and bothered. Although you can try to play smooth, honesty won’t be able to keep you calm. However, no matter how hard it’ll be to keep your secrets, do try. This isn’t the time you can clearly express the depths of your emotions. Instead, keep building the friendship and get him to make the move.

For The Week Of May 12-18, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Test new waters out. Leave your comfort zone behind. Whatever sexy stranger arrives or new challenges come your way, hop on it fast. Switching your routines and doing a 180 is in your stars. The less you hold onto the past, the more you’ll find you’re no longer who you thought you were, but someone way bolder, sexier and powerful.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’re the original “turn the other cheek” girl. You hate confrontation so much; you often get the raw end of the deal. Thankfully, karma has had your back all along and rewards for your compassion arrive. Magically, a major issue with your sweetie that you’ve been passively aggressively nagging about disappears. Seems their listening skills do work.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Competition turns you on. To heat up the boudoir, start cock battling with your baby over career and money. Although you generally do work as a team, that unspoken fight for ultimate power has always been an underlying aphrodisiac in your relationship. This week, it goes to a new level, with one pulling ahead faster than the other — most likely you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

All the paranoia you feel about your new plaything fades. Sit back and let them do all the talking. Drop subtle hints — they’ll pick them up. In their verbiage spillage, they’ll confess everything — how they feel, what they want and what they are capable of. Of course, this won’t be direct, so listen between the lines and trust it’s all in your favor.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

On one had, lust will make you feel as if you’re hopped up on uppers 24-7. However, when it comes to articulating those feeling to the other or anyone, you somehow fall short. So, to avoid any complications, show your affection through actions rather than language. You’ll get a lot farther climbing on top to express what exactly it is that you feel.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

If you live with your honey, expect the a-hole levels to soar to new heights. Your love will get bossier than normal and hard-pressed to compromise equally. Thankfully, your social calendar is going to fill fast. So, if they want to hang around and be a s***, there’s no better time — as the house will be completely empty for them to hear themselves whine.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you have to tell a few little lies to get you what you have to, who cares? In the scheme of things, it’s all-good. After all, it’s not like it’ll harm anyone and if curbing the truth to make everyone a little more comfortable, then so be it. Of course, if the most comfortable one is you in a bed with that special someone, even better. After all, all is fair in love and war.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Lavish you and your lover with all the decadence reachable in your realm. Let go of boundaries and gorge on the finer things in life. Having spent too much time trying to “do the right thing” and disciplining yourselves to be who you aren’t is no longer a fun experiment. Turn back to the gluttons you are and realize it’s a bond that’ll keep your love alive.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money is the number one issue couples toil over. Plus, you’re the sign of security, magnifying the dilemma. Although you’ve been trying to play it cool with your honey’s frivolous spending habits, quit it. Besides the anxiety dampening your libido and building the resentment, it’s also unnecessary. Speak out, offer suggestions and pull those purse strings. They’ll get it.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your brain will feel too scrambled to think straight. You’ll see too many options and like them all. Feel free to it talk out. You’ll find the one that boggles your mind the most and has your mind looping about endlessly will be the one you will want to go with. After all, it’s curiosity that drives you — and once you make up your mind, the rest will unfold beautifully.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Don’t wait around for understanding and appreciation. Being genuine with random acts of kindness means doing it and letting it go. Expecting anything in return is only asking for a let down. Besides, your partner can’t be on your wavelength all the time and understand the sacrifices you make. If you want to please anyone right now, make it yourself.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’re not an idiot. You know life can’t always be the way you want it to be, not all the wishes you desire come true and the ones that do don’t always feel as salacious as you dreamt. However, you’re a pro at playing the game and projecting that idyllic image. So, for now, fake it until you make it. Think of this as the ultimate testing of your belief in the laws of attraction.

The Most Magical Widget In The World

How much do you LOVE the FriskyScopes written each week by our fabulous Astrosexologist Kiki T? Well now you can get them on the comfort of your desktop or share them with friends on Facebook with this handy-dandy FriskyScopes Widget! Just click “Show Menu” above, “grab” the FriskyScopes widget, and put it wherever your little heart desires. And tell your friends! We’d love to enrich their sex and love lives through the magic of astrology too. By the way, while you’re at it, head on over to our Widgets page and grab our Headline Widget and Amazing Guy Spy widgets. All the cool kids are doing it. [FriskyScopes Widget] Keep reading »

For The Week Of May 5-11, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Luck is returning to your side slowly, but surely. The catch though, there’s only a small window where it’ll benefit your love life. So, hit a few happy hours this week and forget consequence. Make it a love hoorah all about something new and exciting. However, by the end of the week, what you crave will be something from the past.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Standards are nonnegotiable — so when it comes to a friend trying to play matchmaker, stay firm with demands. No doing anyone a favor with your time, as charity cases should never be part of your agenda. If you’re going to do anyone a favor, make it yourself and don’t make desperation part of your love M.O.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If you’re involved with someone, it’ll be one of those fairy tale weeks when catching a glimpse of each other’s eyes will have you falling madly in love again. If you’re single, this is your best time to place an order to the universe in exact detail and on paper of what you want. Yes, it’s totally new agey, but unless you know what you want, how else will you recognize it when it appears?

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Trying to get straight answers from anyone is going to make you manic. You’ll hear one thing, but you’ll know deep down they’ll mean something else. Of course, you’ve never been a wallflower type; so throw caution to the wind to set the records straight. If you work hard at it, honesty will be your aphrodisiac.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Money opportunities are coming and a big pay out is expected. Not only will this news put a bulge in your wallet, but one in your ego too. Let the swell to your confidence boost you to new fearless spending levels. Lavish yourself in total nouveau riche-ness. If this means getting a K-fed for the week, love being the sugar momma with a long whip.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You will be in just the right way to connect and bond over strange quirkinesses with the one you lust after. Feel free to lose your inhibitions and reveal your glorious inner freak — as in bizarre habits, strange theories and all out dorkiness. The PG-entertainment value alone is priceless, but the captivating audience you seek will fall at your feet in total rated R style.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Let your flip-flopping mind out trump your heart. Yes, as much as you’ll be feeling intensely drawn to that certain someone, slow down and listen to your instincts. Do your research and trust your psychic powers. However, this set back might only be temporary, and by next week you’ll be ready to jump his bones again.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Taking on a self-righteous attitude with the one you love is not going to win you any popularity contests. Not only is he going to have a bigger mouth than normal, spreading all these horrific stories to his friend and yours that he has access too, but they will all be siding with him. So, unless you want the world hating you, curb your insanity and ask nicely, don’t demand.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

May 5th is your day to snap, as the new moon in Taurus will bring in a feisty energy that’ll have your inner dominatrix out on the prowl. After all, you’re sick of the nice girl routine, as it’s given you no satisfaction. Now, if other folks can’t play nice, don’t hesitate to let them know you’re going to have to get a little dirty.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your mind will switch gears; making whatever obsession you have fade to black by midweek. For example, you’re cynicism can suddenly turn into driving ambition or your horniness can transform into house hunting. Just like kissing a frog, the surprises are coming. Thankfully, being on your toes is where you’re sexiest.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Just one more week of being the top and then, hoorah, back to being the bottom. Yes, a reprise in your life is coming and all the hustling you’ve been doing will start to show results. As early as the 10th, the world will finally heed your genius and put you just where you like, on your back and being pleasured by the world.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Selfishness pays. Draw boundaries on that freeloading lover and let him know the deal. Otherwise, miracles aren’t going to save you. The only way to salvage your pride is throwing down the gauntlet now. If you need back up, call up friends. Besides, they’ve been waiting in the wings to help out, as they saw this mess miles away. Oh well, guess love is blind.

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