Category Archives: Horoscopes

Friskyscopes are your weekly love horoscopes from your astrosexologist Kiki T.! Learn more about what your astrological sign should expect this week in the dating, relationship, and sex department.

For The Week Of May 26-June 1, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Brace yourself, this is going to be a week of hell where the one you’re working on won’t respond quite the way you would think, confirming that this person is in fact an idiot. Whatever, their standards suck. Sure, you barked up the wrong tree, but thankfully you’re smart enough to know this recent lack of judgment is an exception to your usual rule.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Hopefully you’re reading this on a tropical paradise, lounging about with hot studs fanning you with giant leaves and a cocktail by your side. If so, bonsai! It’s exactly where you should be. If you are reading this elsewhere, change your trajectory. Hedonistic pursuits are your only worthwhile challenge now.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Stop wasting your time creating worst-case scenarios. Not only are you cosmically drawing that negative energy to you, you are neglecting to realize that time has its own agenda and that only in time can you see how your story unfurls. What you know today might not hold true tomorrow. This week, expect a sexy red herring to prove this point.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If you’ve been seeing someone, a new comfort level is about to be achieved near the 25th and can have you dreaming about the next step. However, take heed that your brain gets jumbled on the 27th, making your libido more ambitious than your heart. In other words, enjoy the sex, but avoid making any deep commitments.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

The only things you’ll be wrestling with this week are your demons. Unfortunately, confusion will put you in panic mode and not be sending off your best vibes into the universe. Forget trying to reason with it. Give in and go all the way — take down those bitches! Besides, the only way to lure the prospects back is with the scent of your sweat from a victorious battle.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Your question of the week is, “How bad do you want it?” This could mean sex, love or just a distracting flirtation. Whichever, know that it’s possible, but it just won’t come easy — like crawling through a minefield of mental traps. The worst part is, the end result might not even be worth the efforts. So, be smart, really know how much you want it.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Be careful using guilt as a weapon. Passive aggressive tactics to get your honey to do as you wish is only going to backfire on you. If you want him to take action, you are going to have to lead by example and hope he catches on. If he does, then know he is on the same page. If not, then realize you might have to consider how smart he really is.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Watch what you say, because being misconstrued and having the wrong information come back to bite you is highly probable. To play it safe, don’t spill any of your secrets or confess any of your feelings. Ideally, this is a good time to beginning a flirtation, but do it with actions, like a wink to the hottie you see in your morning commute, but keep all else to yourself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money matters to you and there should be no love for anyone, unless they can pay to keep up with you. Not to say you should turn into a gold digging whore, but draw the line on those broke-a$$ boys that need you as their sugar momma. Accept a guy with potential may be sexy, but a guy living out his potential is sexier.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your brain will feel like scrambled eggs all week in regard to boys. Lucky you though, your best play isn’t to bear all the responsibilities, but take in the worship and observe the situation. Although it’ll be hard not to throw your two cents in every two minutes, your silence will give you a vital position to scope out the long term potential.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Stop blaming the world for your problems, because the more you bitch the more negative energy will come your way. Instead, to jump start the feeling of joie de vivre, spread open your wallet and treat yourself. So what if life is less than stellar? And who cares that your love life is rocky as hell? You have the power to buy some happiness, hook yourself up.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sure, you’re the queen of the zodiac, the ruler of romance and the original It Girl. However, despite that startling resume, you aren’t perfect and can’t contain all the answer to the universe’s mystery. So, when a lusty conflict happens between you and a close friend (for example, fighting over a guy) realize this can happen to even the best of them.

For The Week Of May 19-25, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

This is the beginning of one of those phases when you’ll have to spend a lot of time talking to yourself, convincing yourself everything is fine. Unfortunately, there’s no good news to report right now, as it’ll feel as if everyone is going against you. If anything, make it your time to compensate with overspending and overeating. Yes, find satisfaction wherever available.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Get your priorities in order. Put on your party hat and hit the town. Your infectious energy is necessary to inspire friends around you from skimming the bottom of the mood chain. By assuming the role of the cheerleader, good things will follow. After all, how deliciously will you stick out being the lively center in a group of well-dressed zombies?

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Mark the 19th down and watch what happens near then. In a rare astrological form, there are two full moons in Scorpio this year, which means if you didn’t settle an ongoing trauma last month, the gods are giving you another chance. As destiny goes, second chances are precious and if given one, you better rise to the occasion. Otherwise, you’ll be royally f’ed.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Rocky relationship times are coming. Even despite wrapping one issue, others randomly appear. While the love is there and you will be solid despite the mess, the small aggravations will irritate. The worst is that by next week, these conversations hit repeat. To circumvent the repetition, answer with action: tackle him down and give his mouth something else to do.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Although you’d love to escape to a desert island with a superfluous supply of your vices and a gaggle of able-bodies love slaves, you’re going to have to postpone even the fantasy. Seems you’ll have no time to even think, as an unexpected work pandemonium has you fighting for survival. Dramatic? Yes, but wouldn’t it have to be, to leave such paradise behind?

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’ve been nice for too long. Stop being taken foregranted of and get acknowledged for all the efforts you put out, demand pay back. Put yourself in the spotlight and indulge your most selfish ways. If you give him no choice, but to worship, he will oblige — and in a way that’ll make everyone feel all right.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Despite the fact that you’ll be in full homebody mode, beyond moody and noncommittal, motivate yourself to do something larger than life. Break free from the confines of your excuses and dare to take a leap into the unknown. Even if the spark lasts for less than 10 seconds, at least it’ll give you something specific to be isolated, moody and noncommittal about.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Being bitchy might be the way you land them, but it’s not the way you’re going to keep them. Sorry to say darling, but these days your insanity could scare salmon from swimming upstream. That’s right, your negative energy will have the power to confuse instincts and self-sabotage. Curb those undercutting opinions, no matter how imperative you think it is to win.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money makes the world go round. Expect a pleasant windfall to hit your wallet and give it a bulge it hasn’t seen in years. The one caveat, the cash won’t come in directly. It might be your partner’s or you’ll only hear about the pending cash, but the check will still have yet to arrive. Either or, you’ll be one lucky bitch.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You know how people think you’re a multi-personality disaster of mayhem and manipulation? Well, hold on to your hat because you might think the same as your mind ping-pongs between extremes. Feelings will vary one minute from the next and what you say might not be what you feel for too long. Whatever, at the least, no one could ever accuse you of being boring.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

The past returns to kick your ass. Unresolved emotions resurface by way of someone returning or your own flip-outs from nostalgia. Whichever the case, expect to reconnect with something that you’ll be painfully aware of how toxic it can be for you, but you can’t seem to resist. Don’t fret, fate has your back and in the end, you will come out enlightened.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

A friendship with much sexual tension will start to get you uncontrollably hot and bothered. Although you can try to play smooth, honesty won’t be able to keep you calm. However, no matter how hard it’ll be to keep your secrets, do try. This isn’t the time you can clearly express the depths of your emotions. Instead, keep building the friendship and get him to make the move.

For The Week Of May 12-18, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Test new waters out. Leave your comfort zone behind. Whatever sexy stranger arrives or new challenges come your way, hop on it fast. Switching your routines and doing a 180 is in your stars. The less you hold onto the past, the more you’ll find you’re no longer who you thought you were, but someone way bolder, sexier and powerful.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’re the original “turn the other cheek” girl. You hate confrontation so much; you often get the raw end of the deal. Thankfully, karma has had your back all along and rewards for your compassion arrive. Magically, a major issue with your sweetie that you’ve been passively aggressively nagging about disappears. Seems their listening skills do work.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Competition turns you on. To heat up the boudoir, start cock battling with your baby over career and money. Although you generally do work as a team, that unspoken fight for ultimate power has always been an underlying aphrodisiac in your relationship. This week, it goes to a new level, with one pulling ahead faster than the other — most likely you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

All the paranoia you feel about your new plaything fades. Sit back and let them do all the talking. Drop subtle hints — they’ll pick them up. In their verbiage spillage, they’ll confess everything — how they feel, what they want and what they are capable of. Of course, this won’t be direct, so listen between the lines and trust it’s all in your favor.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

On one had, lust will make you feel as if you’re hopped up on uppers 24-7. However, when it comes to articulating those feeling to the other or anyone, you somehow fall short. So, to avoid any complications, show your affection through actions rather than language. You’ll get a lot farther climbing on top to express what exactly it is that you feel.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

If you live with your honey, expect the a-hole levels to soar to new heights. Your love will get bossier than normal and hard-pressed to compromise equally. Thankfully, your social calendar is going to fill fast. So, if they want to hang around and be a s***, there’s no better time — as the house will be completely empty for them to hear themselves whine.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

If you have to tell a few little lies to get you what you have to, who cares? In the scheme of things, it’s all-good. After all, it’s not like it’ll harm anyone and if curbing the truth to make everyone a little more comfortable, then so be it. Of course, if the most comfortable one is you in a bed with that special someone, even better. After all, all is fair in love and war.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Lavish you and your lover with all the decadence reachable in your realm. Let go of boundaries and gorge on the finer things in life. Having spent too much time trying to “do the right thing” and disciplining yourselves to be who you aren’t is no longer a fun experiment. Turn back to the gluttons you are and realize it’s a bond that’ll keep your love alive.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Money is the number one issue couples toil over. Plus, you’re the sign of security, magnifying the dilemma. Although you’ve been trying to play it cool with your honey’s frivolous spending habits, quit it. Besides the anxiety dampening your libido and building the resentment, it’s also unnecessary. Speak out, offer suggestions and pull those purse strings. They’ll get it.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your brain will feel too scrambled to think straight. You’ll see too many options and like them all. Feel free to it talk out. You’ll find the one that boggles your mind the most and has your mind looping about endlessly will be the one you will want to go with. After all, it’s curiosity that drives you — and once you make up your mind, the rest will unfold beautifully.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Don’t wait around for understanding and appreciation. Being genuine with random acts of kindness means doing it and letting it go. Expecting anything in return is only asking for a let down. Besides, your partner can’t be on your wavelength all the time and understand the sacrifices you make. If you want to please anyone right now, make it yourself.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’re not an idiot. You know life can’t always be the way you want it to be, not all the wishes you desire come true and the ones that do don’t always feel as salacious as you dreamt. However, you’re a pro at playing the game and projecting that idyllic image. So, for now, fake it until you make it. Think of this as the ultimate testing of your belief in the laws of attraction.

The Most Magical Widget In The World

How much do you LOVE the FriskyScopes written each week by our fabulous Astrosexologist Kiki T? Well now you can get them on the comfort of your desktop or share them with friends on Facebook with this handy-dandy FriskyScopes Widget! Just click “Show Menu” above, “grab” the FriskyScopes widget, and put it wherever your little heart desires. And tell your friends! We’d love to enrich their sex and love lives through the magic of astrology too. By the way, while you’re at it, head on over to our Widgets page and grab our Headline Widget and Amazing Guy Spy widgets. All the cool kids are doing it. [FriskyScopes Widget] Keep reading »

For The Week Of May 5-11, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Luck is returning to your side slowly, but surely. The catch though, there’s only a small window where it’ll benefit your love life. So, hit a few happy hours this week and forget consequence. Make it a love hoorah all about something new and exciting. However, by the end of the week, what you crave will be something from the past.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Standards are nonnegotiable — so when it comes to a friend trying to play matchmaker, stay firm with demands. No doing anyone a favor with your time, as charity cases should never be part of your agenda. If you’re going to do anyone a favor, make it yourself and don’t make desperation part of your love M.O.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If you’re involved with someone, it’ll be one of those fairy tale weeks when catching a glimpse of each other’s eyes will have you falling madly in love again. If you’re single, this is your best time to place an order to the universe in exact detail and on paper of what you want. Yes, it’s totally new agey, but unless you know what you want, how else will you recognize it when it appears?

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Trying to get straight answers from anyone is going to make you manic. You’ll hear one thing, but you’ll know deep down they’ll mean something else. Of course, you’ve never been a wallflower type; so throw caution to the wind to set the records straight. If you work hard at it, honesty will be your aphrodisiac.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Money opportunities are coming and a big pay out is expected. Not only will this news put a bulge in your wallet, but one in your ego too. Let the swell to your confidence boost you to new fearless spending levels. Lavish yourself in total nouveau riche-ness. If this means getting a K-fed for the week, love being the sugar momma with a long whip.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You will be in just the right way to connect and bond over strange quirkinesses with the one you lust after. Feel free to lose your inhibitions and reveal your glorious inner freak — as in bizarre habits, strange theories and all out dorkiness. The PG-entertainment value alone is priceless, but the captivating audience you seek will fall at your feet in total rated R style.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Let your flip-flopping mind out trump your heart. Yes, as much as you’ll be feeling intensely drawn to that certain someone, slow down and listen to your instincts. Do your research and trust your psychic powers. However, this set back might only be temporary, and by next week you’ll be ready to jump his bones again.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Taking on a self-righteous attitude with the one you love is not going to win you any popularity contests. Not only is he going to have a bigger mouth than normal, spreading all these horrific stories to his friend and yours that he has access too, but they will all be siding with him. So, unless you want the world hating you, curb your insanity and ask nicely, don’t demand.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

May 5th is your day to snap, as the new moon in Taurus will bring in a feisty energy that’ll have your inner dominatrix out on the prowl. After all, you’re sick of the nice girl routine, as it’s given you no satisfaction. Now, if other folks can’t play nice, don’t hesitate to let them know you’re going to have to get a little dirty.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your mind will switch gears; making whatever obsession you have fade to black by midweek. For example, you’re cynicism can suddenly turn into driving ambition or your horniness can transform into house hunting. Just like kissing a frog, the surprises are coming. Thankfully, being on your toes is where you’re sexiest.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Just one more week of being the top and then, hoorah, back to being the bottom. Yes, a reprise in your life is coming and all the hustling you’ve been doing will start to show results. As early as the 10th, the world will finally heed your genius and put you just where you like, on your back and being pleasured by the world.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Selfishness pays. Draw boundaries on that freeloading lover and let him know the deal. Otherwise, miracles aren’t going to save you. The only way to salvage your pride is throwing down the gauntlet now. If you need back up, call up friends. Besides, they’ve been waiting in the wings to help out, as they saw this mess miles away. Oh well, guess love is blind.

For The Week Of April 28-May 4, 2008

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

The universe isn’t perfect; stop wishing it could be. Instead of putting all your eggs in one basket, trying to achieve happiness down one path, broaden your horizons. Free your curiosities. Only you can make change happen, so do it. Start by booking yourself a solo trip to an exotic locale where the locals are hot and the decadence is inspirational. Reinvention = happiness.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your partner’s nagging won’t end. He might think he’s being constructive, but you know he’s being a pain in your ass. The only way to shut him up, make a plan of attack for financial issues and eclipse his demands. Get moving by the 3rd, when Gemini goes into mercury, giving you a leg up on sweet-talking your way to the head of any line.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’re one dirty little birdie that can’t seem to think of any scheme that doesn’t involve sex. Oh well, that’s just how you are and that’s okay if you don’t trust anyone that isn’t sexy. Your instincts are the way they are and they haven’t proven you wrong so far. However, by the week’s end, you might find a loophole to your theory that’ll shock you in all the right places.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If your partner is more on the DL than usual, beware that he’s saving the sh*t storm for the 3rd. Forget routines going smoothly and your happy-go-lucky attitude to get you through. Seems many unforeseeable issues will arise and perhaps leave you wondering whom you’ve been sleeping next to this whole time.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t make any rash decisions about whom you kick out of bed yet. Besides the fact that it won’t take too much effort to keep the options open, new information about who they are, what they are about and what they might open up to you won’t be apparent right away. Let time pass. You’ll learn what this all means and how you benefit soon enough.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

The only way someone can truly strike a physical chord with you is through your mind. Feel free to start deep conversation with a hot somebody, as the mental connection is necessary for your hot tryst. However, realize things that start up fast might also end fast — but the good news is that no matter what settles, a friendship can emerge.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Thankfully you’re a girl that’s got a lot of vices. You’ll need them, as confusion will cloud your judgment with all things love related. No matter what you hear, feel or think you should do, there will be nothing 100% to go on. With nothing left to lose, quell your anxiety with naughty habits that you know bring bliss — even despite weighty consequences.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

On the 30th, actions won’t be as important in affairs of the heart. However, by the 3rd, what you say better sound perfect. This will leave a small margin for bulls*it, so be willing to bend the truth when you can. While you’re not one that goes under a microscope calmly, realize the price you’ll pay for a mess up is severe.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Anxiety over sorting out your love issues ends as Taurus enters Venus on the 1st. It’ll stabilize your mood, making you see that being bossed around despite your feelings isn’t cool — and perhaps force you to unleash those repressed emotions by the 3rd. Of course, revealing such raw passion might be what jump starts the dysfunction all over again, so beware.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You wouldn’t be you unless you schized out occasionally, leaving others toiled in confusion. Yes, your fury spins like a tornado and your mind erratic. You’ll want to shut down and feel the burdens of the world. However, by the 3rd, do come up for air and text a 411 to that crush you’ve been working. It’ll save weeks of the emotional work you’ve built with that other.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Speed isn’t one of your strong points, as far as making decisions regarding your love life. You tend to analyze and analyze until you deconstruct the situation into something it no longer can be. However, this time around, you might be onto something and if you’re feeling the pangs of sentimentality towards another, feel free to explore it — if only in your already cluttered mind.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Nobody likes giving the, “It’s not you, it’s me,” speech. It’s completely unoriginal and an obvious blow off. However, it’s safe and effective — and as far as your future, do it. You’ll need a fast exit to make way for the slew of more important priorities coming. Although it is all work-related, the onslaught of cash is definitely a sexier upgrade.

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