Category Archives: Horoscopes

Friskyscopes are your weekly love horoscopes from your astrosexologist Kiki T.! Learn more about what your astrological sign should expect this week in the dating, relationship, and sex department.

For The Week Of May 25-31, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Standstills are not your cup of tea, but realize you don’t have to take a passive route and think you have to wait around for others to make a move. You have many other directions to head and many other options to forage. If you think in any other way, you will only be screwing yourself of chances that hold way more promise.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your tastes have been somewhat questionable and this week, even you will be taking a second look at your choices, trying to sort out what is happening and how you were led into the moment you are currently faced in. Of course, this could be a grand ole surprise too. Whatever the case, a big 180 won’t be out of the realm of your possibilities.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your anxiety levels are finally going to start dropping and you will start to feel like a sane person in a matter of time. The crazy issues you’ve let you brain get wrapped around and the dramas you’ve create in your head will reach a very anticlimactic breakthrough that will suddenly have you shrugging your shoulders and saying, “Okay, now what?”

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

If you keep cruising from the explosive energy of last week, then this week will basically continue your giddiness. If you didn’t have a fab week last week, the perhaps look out for this week to serve it up, as this is your time when karmic payback will light you up in places you thought only the dark could witness.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your diva routine is going to backfire on you if you don’t infuse a sense of humor into your act. Even though you may be right and you have every reason to make demands in your love life right now, humility will take it that next step and keep your classy aura intact. Otherwise, remember there is a fine line between having balls and just being a bitch.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Options make your life go around, because if there is something you like, it’s having your brain wander into the far reaches of the universe. This week you imagination starts to turn onto a higher level, making you realize there is more than what you want to see. Seems there are things that exist that you have to learn to see and this week, you’ll be seeing them!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

There are always two sides to every story, so before you go rushing to judgment and thinking you know it all, wait. In time, the truth will reveal itself and vindication will clear that guilty suspect on the line. Otherwise, blowing up and assuming the worst inevitably will cause your relationship to suffer.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Money issues are a drag, which will be brought up again this week and put a damper on your mood. However, if you just face up to the drama now and sort it out, a compromise will come as your ingenuity for negotiations are in prime form. While this may not forever kill this issue, consider this a big enough band-aid to hold it down for a decent amount of time.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Don’t be too shocked to run into people you haven’t thought of in ages. This will make you have a major blast from the past and a bout of nostalgia that’ll have you thinking all sorts of crazy things about your current life. Hopefully this will be an enriching and ego boosting movement, because as these things go, anything can happen.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Forgiveness is an easy thing you give out. However, it’s the follow through and never bringing up those arguments again that can drag you back down the pit. Luckily, this week, you will have one last hoorah of that old and worn out issue that seems to rain on your parade and by the start of the new month, all will be sunshine and smiles once again.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your boo’s friends will be a point of contention with you and if you don’t want to turn a mountain out of a molehill, you’re going to have to find a way to deal in the less intrusive manner because if you place yourself in the hot spot for too long, you will explode and it won’t be a pretty picture. Perhaps this is a week to catch up your friends.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Just when you thought power struggles would be the death of you, a light will come at the end of the tunnel that’ll shower respect and accolades onto you. Sure, you’ll have to truly put yourself to the test and humble yourself to the unknown to get it, but there are far worst things you have had to do to get reverence in your past, so consider this pass a piece of cake.

Not Always in the Stars: Why You Should Ignore Your Horoscope

Horoscope writers use a lot of tricks to make us believe what they’ve said. Here are some of the top ones and some reasons why, even if we do trust the writers, we should still ignore our horoscope anyway. Keep reading »

For The Week Of May 18-24, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Doors you thought closed forever start to open; changes are in store. Be ready to keep a slow pace to make the most of these opportunities, as they’ll be delicate to begin with, but if you just stroke it right in those soft little ways of yours, you’ll find magic that’ll eventually explode. Patience is your key to paradise.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Time to get giddy all over again. Seems a wave of sentiment and all that drives your imagination will be sparking up again in a whole new way that it hasn’t in a few months. Whether this is with someone you are already with or a new someone, it’ll be one of those week when it’ll feel like you have beer goggles on, even when you’re completely sober.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Forget trying to make sense of anything, because you’d only be wasting time. Best to just jump on the crazy bandwagon and ride with the freaks and weirdoes to new sites and witness a new slice of life. Screw control, it’s only held you back in the past and if there is something to be learned now, it’s to embrace the ridiculous and enjoy the openness humility brings.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

As the song says, “If you can’t be with the one you love, love the one your with.” As it goes, this week is going to be one of those times you have to be romantic and settle for who ever you can cast into the role. Although you have ideals; remember, you also have a great imagination. If this means having to mentally makeover someone to fit your needs, for now, realize it’ll do.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Get your summer plans in order now and give yourself some inspiration. Everyone needs a carrot on the stick to work towards and as it goes, there is nothing so delicious for you — but that doesn’t mean there can’t be. Book a trip now or make some kind of adventurous plan, as it’ll most auspicious set the lusty energy into proper motion.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

All your rules are about to go out the window, as this week someone will shock your little mind and heart into submission in whole new way that’ll miraculously work for you, making you feel deeper shades of hotness that you never quite felt before. Seems there is someone out there smart, exciting and cute enough.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

It’s time for a showdown on domestic issues. If you are single and living alone, then this won’t be as intense for you and it might even make you happier to be single. If are co-habiting, then expect petty arguments and just all round aggravating passive aggressive behavior that isn’t sexy on either side of the fence. While you might love him, this week you won’t like him.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

As long as you can keep a dialogue going, that is all you need to do this week. Forget trying to make any major decisions, because this is the time you will be seeing all sides of the fence and wanting to explore all. To be able to have you cake and eat it too will mean knowing how to charm cool and persuasively. Think slight of hand, but with words.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Collect numbers and play your little games. This week, your flirty side will be in top form and it won’t be wasted on lame people either. Yes, karma is back in action in your romance sector and this will move stagnant emotions once again. Just don’t be too shocked when someone you never suspected will be able to heat things up just a bit hotter than expected.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

New ideas will inspire and your more adventurous side will be waiting to stir. However, this isn’t the time to dart off and go without a plan, because if you want what you want, then strategy and super sleuth skills are necessary in nailing that special someone just the way you want — and as it goes these days, your presentation will be what you are judged on the most.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

If you have been dying to ask that more-than-just-a-booty-call about where your relationship is heading, this is your time. Karma is back on track, to help you get answers you deserve. No more being in the dark, unless you want. However, fearing the worst is far worse than just dealing with whatever you have to. As it goes, you’ll never know, unless you ask.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Friends are a major factor this week, as they are the gateway to profound wisdom and opportunities. If ever there was a time to bury the hatchet with everyone and do a little ass kissing, it’s now. Even those frenemies that you have on speed dial to gloat to can be helpful in surprising ways, as this week getting laid is a wacky numbers game.

For The Week Of May 11-17, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As the cliché says, “Just fake it, until you make it.” This means if you have to fib and turn the truth up a bit to impress that someone, go ahead. You have a tendency to “under talk” yourself anyway and if you think you are bragging, it’ll end up just being what really is going on anyway. You only have yourself to sell yourself and always hawk it to the highest bidder.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

They’ll be no accounting for your taste this week, but why judge yourself? Whatever gets your rocks off this week, just do it. No one is going to hold you responsible for all the decisions you make in life and nothing has to be forever, so lighten up and do what feels right and exciting, despite the unfamiliar surroundings.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your love life is about to hit a skid and whomever you are palling around these days with will have a high chance of driving nails into your brain and heart with thoughtless behavior. How you deal with this seemingly fatal flaw is up to you, as freewill be giving you a lot of leeway to do what you must this week to maintain your sanity.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Don’t let other’s promises hold you up from what you want to do. Not to say this is a week of flakes, although they will be a part of your week, but knowing you can’t rely too much on the day-to-day favors you’ll hear, as there will be something unexplainably ridiculous in the air that will cause obstacles. It’s nothing personal either, just inevitable.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t make everything out to be a big drama this week, because if you clutter your mind with garbage, everything will stink. It’s mind over matter time and owning up to the fact that you have full control and that no one can talk you off your dreams and if they do, know it’s wrong and then let it slide off your back and keep on keeping on.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Love won’t be easy because when it comes to what really matters to you, you won’t be able to see eye-to-eye and the controversy will burn you hot under the collar. However, people are entitled to their opinions and while you can argue your side, you can’t expect you are going to change anyone. If you do, you’re just asking for disappointment.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Finding the right words will escape you and being misunderstood can cause some long-term repercussions. Be clear with what you say and don’t let small arguments get out of hand. As it goes, this isn’t the time to be dealing with any heavy communications right now, as the lighter it stays, the less chance you have of falling into an emotional danger zone.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

A little stubbornness will get you what you want and when faced with this as your challenge to win victory, you might as well just put down your armor and enjoy waiting it out. Standstills are the best crossroads to bear right now, as it gives you time to rest and focus on other areas of your life. As it goes, this time around, you do have the upper hand to make the opposition sweat.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your sense of reasoning can’t always help you, especially now because essentially you’ll be using your skills to lie to yourself with a thick helping of excuses, which aren’t going to get you the love you want. Unless you get honest with yourself, there is no real joy. However, not all is lost if you just admit what you want, how you want it and without apology.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You have learned every lesson you need to know to get your life in the order you want. When it comes to love, even doubly so. This is no time to short change yourself into playing games that really aren’t worth your time, efforts or ego. Your skill and cleverness have far exceeded present situations. Don’t waste the energy.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your emotions are going to flip flop once again and you’ll repeal a commitment. Don’t worry, this sudden shift will be strong enough to push your off into a new and more exciting direction with a steadier pace. Trust you have plenty of karmic points to cruise you through this transition with grace and a positive upturn finale.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You’ll be feeling as if your sense of authority is going to be undermined by someone close to you, causing major power struggles that won’t make your libido burn as hot as its known to. Instead, your tempers will be short and those around you will have to fend for themselves, as you won’t be someone to mess with.

For The Week Of May 4-10, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You’ll be feeling your independence this week and it’ll surprise you with how liberating you can be and how daring you’re going to get. Feel free to let loose in the biggest way you can, as in being as extravagant, decadent and determined as possible, as you are in the driver’s seat this week and this is your time to live it up from a new perspective.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your uppity attitude and moral codes are going to make you feel more reserved than you have in a while, throwing you into the background and making you want to observe the world with a more open point of view. This will include reevaluating those closest to you and this could mean falling deeper in love or totally out.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

If something doesn’t give this week, like learning a secret, sealing the deal with that someone you’ve had ambiguous times with, or just an overall feeling of peace in your life, then it’s time to rethink your current situation because as it goes, one of those three things should relate to you now.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Deal with any paranoia you have about your health this week, as this is your bravest time to face those demons and get tested. If you’re with someone, then time to hit the clinic together for that oh-so romantic commitment sealer of getting your STD tests done together, so you can begin your entry into total monogamy on a pristine note.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Changing up your routines and letting the wind blow where it may will be of great benefit to you, if you are out to get the romance stirring back into your life. As it goes, if you step out of your comfort zone, you’ll be immediately and greatly rewarded with someone to really sink your teeth into and remind you that you’ve still got it.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

If you just stay put and listen to your heart in silence for a second, it’ll tell you all you need to know. Otherwise, going at the rate you’re going, trying to come up with the smartest answers and over thinking the situation only kills your current potential. Seriously, the obvious is not only your best bet; it’s the easiest one too. Put away the drama and just deal already.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Communications will be all out of whack this week. While you will hear personal news that will bring a glow to your heart, you will also hear not-so-sunny news in regard to another, must likely a relative, that’ll put a damper on things. However, while it sucks to have to dim your bliss in light of circumstances around another, it doesn’t mean you have to turn it off completely.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

If you want a little more compassion from your honey, you’re going to have to step it up with gifts, some humility and worst of all, be willing to let him rehash the past to get the drama out of his system. Of courses, this sucking up your pride will be the worst, but if you want things to go back to normal, it’s necessary. To soften the blow, hit happy hour everyday before going home.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Clarity and cash are in your stars and they’ll both be lifting your confidence to a bold new level, giving you the power to tell those who have been using you like doormat to step off. Seriously, as you truly embrace what makes you happy and thrive, you’ll see that a lot of the old ways you had stuck in your head are just crap. Then, you can buy yourself something deliciously decadent.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your moment to say, “I told you so,” is coming and it’ll feel so good, that you’ll feel as if you had three weeks at the spa. Nothing spells bliss than satisfaction to know that you are indeed smarter than others and with this win, you can expect that someone special will be wanting to kiss your ass just a little more sweetly.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

When you find that you can bury the hatchet and finally let that someone that you thought was the devil back into your life and turn a new leaf, you will feel as if you are the most mature lady in the universe and for that you should definitely feel free to indulge yourself in whatever way you feel fit, because god damn it, you deserve it!

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Someone you’ve been idealizing and thought of as unattainable is going to come through and make all your wildest dreams come true. However, don’t get too caught up in the moment, thinking this is your fairy tale ending, because this is only the beginning of the game and if you want to win in the end, this will mean showing some reserve too.

For The Week Of April 27-May 3, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Random kinky ideas will hit your brain like bolts of lightening, daring you to take your slinky little self to the other side of paradise. Think of this as a one-way ticket to a level of fulfilling lust you’ve never quite attained before, as the struggle between your prim and proper side hasn’t allowed you this enticing of an invitation before.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Although sex shouldn’t be a weapon, this week it’s the only effective arsenal you’ll have to prove a point to your honey that he can’t always have his cake and eat it too. If this means closing down the candy shop until he learns how to behave, consider it a compromise you’re going to have to make; then break out your vibrator and call it a day.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

You’ll need to think strategically when it comes to dealing with your honey and his aggravating idiosyncrasies that waste your time and much of his. While he won’t respond well to the tyrannical side of you that’ll be raging this week, be ready to burn that excess energy of yours in other ways before laying down the law in a fresh and fun way to that big confused baby of yours.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Fate will be frustrating you with tossing hotties to you that aren’t as bright as you’d wish. Although you’ll want to reason with yourself that perhaps it’ll take time to uncover their inner Einstein, you’ll know deep down that what you hear is really what they get. So, take this cue and realize screwing without talking is your best bet to get off this week.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Having to prove you’re some crazy party animal isn’t the way to go when it comes to sealing the deal with that special someone. After all, when you’re done playing this charade, what are you going to be left with? Having to clean up a lie, live up to a imaginary standards or being stuck with regret? Realize the truth is your best defense and your hottest come on too.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Sure, your standards have come from long hard experiences that made you who you are. However, there are always exceptions to the rule and when those moments come, you’re just going to have to act fast and hop on the ride. This week, don’t be left behind because the picture you see isn’t as perfect as you’d wish it to be.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can give you a fast thrill and a boost of confidence when you need it — like this week, as all the answers you’re waiting for slow to a screeching halt and leave you anxious and in doubt. Go ahead, throw money at the problem and call it a day. If anything, buying a new standard will be an answer you’ll be able to rely on.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Trying new ways of reaching out for love is on your agenda this week. If this means accepting a blind date or posting that online profile, just get in touch with that pioneering spirit of yours and do it. While it might not give you instant gratification, it’ll at least put you in line for stirring up the love energy around you and for now, that is a success onto itself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

They’ll be a feeling of urgency in your pants that won’t be the most cautious. However, getting put up against a fence and having to decide between practicality and little danger is hot onto itself and no matter how dreadful the circumstances, isn’t a little adventure worth the trade off? If anything, it’s a scandalous page for the memoirs.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Here you go again, revisiting a situation that started up a few weeks ago with a friendly acquaintance. This time around though, things won’t be as sketchy as they were and if you play your cards right and communicate your thoughts, without any game playing tactics, this could put you on a whole new level with that certain someone.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your heart will be telling you one thing, while the circumstances will be telling you another. No, this won’t be the easiest week for you to decipher what the hell is happening in your love life, but you can be thankful for one thing — your friends. They’ll be with you through this mess, so remember to be grateful and don’t kick a gift horse in the mouth.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

All the bumping and grinding you’ll be up to this week won’t be leaving you with too much motivation for much else, if it were up to you — but this is when you’re going to have to get in touch with your more disciplined side to turn it out — as in being able to spot a major career opportunity and using your wandering eye for more than just a good time.

For The Week Of April 20-26, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

If you can put all your thinking aside and the need to be three steps ahead of yourself, then fate will finally be willing to step in and sock it to you with a little something something that’ll make you feel more ravishingly beautiful and shockingly sexy than you have in a while. Yes, this week, control is only something you should embrace after the orgasm.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Being blindsided by secret info that has you thinking of that someone special in a different way may take a few moments to absorb, but once the news settles into place, you’ll realize that what you have in your hands is a hotter and sexier piece than you ever thought before and that keeping off your hands off of him will be nearly impossible.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Striking a new deal is in your stars and pieces of what seemed like an awkward puzzle will start to come together, switching up your routines and turning a new page for you. While the chances of this are for the better, not worst, not all will be as pretty as you’d wish — as there still will be some combative energy to deal with, but think of that tension as your Spanish fly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your love life is about to get a big dose of major power that’ll be throwing you into a whirlwind of activity, boosting your stamina and confidence to levels that should have you feeling superior and thrilled to be you. The only thing standing in your way this week in terms romance is you. Don’t be scared to take chances, as the bigger risks you take, the tastier the rewards.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

As much as you try to be cautious, looking in all directions before you take action, it won’t matter because who ever you have on the other line will be pulling plays that’ll surprise you in all the right ways — and as much as you might want to self sabotage yourself in this situation, oh well, not going to happen. The mesmerization will take control and you will (and should) submit.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Unfortunately, words are faster than actions and as much as you’ll be hearing all the right things, your inner cynic won’t be happy that there’s nothing to back it up. Whatever, time to stop holding onto your doubt like a safety vest and realize progress has to start somewhere. Not that you have to give in all the way, but communication is the beginning to all possibilities. Lighten up.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Drama can be fun, but not unless you can take responsibility for yours. While things in your love life might be taking a bit of a wonky path these days, it doesn’t have to mean taking it to the streets to plead your case. Having a sense of privacy will work highly in your favor, as sharing gossip about your relationship won’t be doing any good for anyone, least of all for you.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

There is going to be so much action happening around you, it’ll be smart to keep extra panties in your purse! Seriously, big issues from the past are finally going to be put to rest in a positive way, which will happily surprise you — and with the future wide open, you’ll be in prime position to put it ablaze with all your ideology and determination. Good times.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You comfort zone is about to get a shake up, but thankfully, you will be more than ready to handle it, start putting one foot in front of the next and making excitement happen again. Seems your taste will be taking a big swing to the left and a more dangerous and edgier approach to all matters of the heart will be the only way to turn you out right.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your instincts will be brewing with all sorts of ideas and fascinations when it comes to your love life, but still the view will be a bit cloudy. Best to let your friends have an opinions on your latest antics, as they can be the seeing eye dog that guides your love life back onto a path where the enlightenment isn’t as perplexing.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

For a split second you might of felt real love, but all of sudden, it seems you aren’t as impressed as you once were and with the haze clearing and your high being worn off, the reality of the situation you find yourself in seems to be a bit more platonic than previously assessed. Oh well, being a heartbreaker is the curse you were born to bear.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Second best is as good as nothing and if that is the motto you keep near and dear to your heart this week, then all will turn out just fantastic. Yes, career accolades are in the stars, as are raises and new responsibilities that’ll fire you up to feel like a woman in full control. With satisfaction like this, expect your libido to be as relentless.

For The Week Of April 13-19, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Lust is going to make you crazy, as what you thought was happening is going to hightail itself in the opposite direction, making you more confused than ever. Don’t think too much on the past, as what was once true is no longer the case. For now, the only thing you should trust is your future and making things right with yourself again.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You won’t be able to rely on logic this week, as making sense is so last week. Now, it’s time to use your creativity and instincts to plow through responsibilities and any dragging emotional issues you have. Think the softer and more compassionate route and a week from now, you’ll find yourself landing back to reality softly and sweetly.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your dreamy romantic emotions are going to be taking a turn, this time into a more aggressive realm, where you no longer have to fantasize about those things you want, but actually be able to have them as hard facts. Yes, this is the time to really put yourself on the line and get in charge of how you want to turn it out.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Put your phone on silent, because there’ll be more than a few crazy calls from those closest to you about ridiculous things that’ll be of no bearing to you. While you can strive to be everyone’s best friend, don’t waste your energy on such things because as it goes, this is prime season for you to be on your back, not on the phone.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Someone close to you, or yourself, will be letting down their wall big time and the wave of emotions is expected to be at tsunami levels. Whichever the case, don’t censor yourself. Take this ride for what its worth and let it take you were it will. In the end, at the least, it’ll make you feel refreshed and tighter with that special someone.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

A feeling of restlessness is inevitable and there are only a few things that’ll somewhat calm those nerves. Of course you can always screw your week away, but chances are that might jack your anxiety levels more, as your mind will have the tendency to wander off into bizarre emotional caves from it. Sorry to say, the best thing for you to curl up to this week is a good book.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You can’t give anyone you world right now, but you don’t have to feel bad about it. There is no reason you own anything to anybody, other than yourself right now. Best to rethink commitments you‘ve made and really sort out your emotions in a way that has you feeling good about yourself and back in control. If you can do this on a solo getaway, book the trip right now!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You shouldn’t have to pretend all is right in your world, no matter whom you’re trying to mislead. The fact is it’ll catch up to you. Besides, there’s no reason to hide the foibles that fill your life, as those are the things that up your steaminess, as it’s the things that challenge you that make you hot — as least in the eyes of the man candy you have on the hook now.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

The friendship part of your love life will be your priority this week, as the focus will turn to the companionship part of your relationship and has you relearning what you found so endearing about the other in the first place. Not to say sex won’t be a part of your week, but certainly not the grand prize.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Apologies from a bonehead from your past will be the highlight of your week, but not so much the satisfaction you’ll win from the obvious grovel, but because you realize how little this will mean to you at the end of the day and how far you’ve come from the seemingly endless torture you once felt over this moronic someone.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Having high-flying ideals and talking a big game isn’t sexy, unless you back it up. As much as you feel and say you want to do what you want, talking won’t make them happen, nor will thinking about it. Action is on the agenda and if you want to save face, this will mean hopping onto the bucking bronco and riding it into the wild unknown.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The secrets you think you’ve hidden aren’t as inconspicuous as you think and the lies will come out. Drama, heavy emotion and all the mysterious things that have power over you will unravel, throwing you into crisis mode. Whatever, karma is a bitch and you’ll have to deal, but at the least, look forward to a short recovery time.

For The Week Of April 6-12, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

As the sign of efficiency, you tend to just assume the job of caretaker, navigator, events coordinator, etc. Hell honey, that is no way to live! Lucky for you, your baby is going to see it that way too and decide to get off his lazy little entitled butt (and without being told too) and work up a nice surprise for you, as in showing that he’s in for the ride too.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’re a true romantic and god knows, everyone loves you for it. However, life isn’t working so great from that point of view, which means you’re going to have to kick a little more ass to get things going in the direction you want them to be in. Yes, this means dealing with those daily little responsibilities that get in the way of daydreaming.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Whoever is the one that is closest to you will be the one that’ll reveal many more thoughts and feelings inside them than you ever suspected was brewing behind that placid façade. Yes, emotions will be running high this week as your comfort zone gets shaken up with a little more fire, which if wielded properly will heat you up to prime tasting temperatures.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Your caution will be on, as things you hear and feelings you have will be slowing you down to question the current scene you are in. Not to say you will be horrified, but with life having steamrolled you out into the place you are now, it’s been a while since you’ve had any real time to collect yourself — this week though, tune yourself back to full sharpness.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

No matter what your boo says to you, you’re the one with the brains in this relationship and it’s you that will have to also deal with your current dilemma and digging yourself out from the wreckage. Thankfully, he’ll be on board for whatever you have on the agenda — as he should have been all along.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

As smart as you think you are, your baby isn’t going to be buying any of your reasons or ideas for future plans right off the bat. Yes, this week is all about standstills, creating all sorts of aggravating and cheeky tensions. So, if you’re as bright as you think you are, twist this power for your gain, to get what you want and prove who the real master is.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your mind will be floating on a marshmallow cloud and all will seem dreamy and creamy, as love is the drug that takes you higher and higher. No matter what all the naysayers have to say, screw ‘em! This is your time to feel so pretty and even if your world comes crashing down soon after, this moment of bliss would still be worth it.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ve made your mistakes, now, time to deal with them. If this means a little groveling, well that might just be the ticket to turn on that special someone that you’ve wronged in that tingly way that’ll make them swoon with a glimmer of hope for you. However, fate is on patrol and to truly get back into the game, it’s going to take more than just fast fixes, but true patience.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You don’t have to have all the answers all the time, but if you can just flub it and sound like you can hold your own, for now, that is all that will be required of you. Yes, efficiency is the theme and as long as you can keep the motion in a forward direction, then karma will pick up and shuffle you along onto the right path accordingly. You know it, just look pretty.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’re no dummy and for that, accept that when someone cute crosses your path with no game, it means no potential. Yes, as sad as it is, you’re way past just getting off on one-dimensional hotness. While it might be fun to string it along, why waste the time? There are so many better ways to spend your time than feeding your ego on empty calories — like feeding your wallet.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Get ready for a deluge of emotions you’ve been putting off to finally hit you and throw your balance majorly off. Instead of throwing yourself a grand pity party though, use it to resort your mind and get your priorities back in order — and remembering you have friends, because it goes, true love isn’t about only playing master and servant.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sweet promises have a way of hypnotizing you and leading you to follow wherever those sounds are coming from. This week though, a major pause is going to be happening as you size up the actions versus the words, and it might seem that the equation won’t balance out in your favor, which only means one thing — taking back control big time!

For The Week Of March 30-April 5, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

They’ll be all sort of strange panics you’ll be having over your sex life, but don’t give into it much, as it’s all a state of mind. As long as you keep your eye on the prize, and avoid getting too emotional about your current circumstances, you will come out fine. After all, why add more pressure on yourself? This time around, let fate show you what its got.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your honey is only human and if you expect anything more than mediocre this week, you’ll be setting yourself up for a fall. Sure, he’ll be able to say all the right things, but doing them won’t be hitting the mark. Instead of defining your whole relationship on this week, be vigilant and don’t forget the past. Of course, if none of it adds up, then this is the week to subtract.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Bitching and moaning might be what you feel, but if you want that someone to come save your day, you’re going to have to seize your independence, go that holier than thou route and act as if you know it all. Your cockiness will translate well and draw him in like flies to honey. However, when all is said and done, don’t worry, bitching and moaning will also have its place and time.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You can’t help yourself from jumping on a good thing when you see it, but do beware than you have the tendency to flip flop your emotions just as fast and this time around someone’s heart will be on the line and unless you want to be responsible for a major disaster, think hard before promising anything beyond this week.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If you’re a cohabitator, this is the week to tell your roomie to put in those extra hours at work, because your inner beast will be out in full force. Yes, moodiness will strike you at your homiest, making you bite off the head of anyone who can’t get with your program. So, unless your baby is completely whipped, tell him to run for cover.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Don’t read too much into anything you hear this week when it comes to love or sex, because chances are you’ll be adding in a lot more spice and chaos that the situation is asking for and in turn, making yourself your own worst enemy. Sure, being a little suspicious is always good, but in all things, think moderation. This time around, what you hear is really what you get.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

The hell with debt; sometimes throwing money at a problem is the lesser of the evils and as this week pulls you through an emotional roller coaster that has you wondering where you’re going in the long term, the only way to come to a decent conclusion is pamper yourself like crazy and have the answers arise in the wake of your calm.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your heart and mind are going to skitz out in opposite directions, but if you’re going to trust one, make it your mind. In terms of love, you’ll have no sense of right and wrong if you are lead by emotions and that will get you manipulated in the wrong way. However, if you’re prudent, your brains will get you through and prove to whomever that you’re not a bitch to be messed with.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

There is a fine line between devotion and being a doormat, this week be able to step back from your relationship and understand the distinction between the two. If need be, consult one of your closest and most outspoken friends and ask their opinion. If anything, that extra dose of tough love will prove to be the perfect antidote.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Being friends first doesn’t mean your prospect is a dog or thinks you’re one. Not every relationship needs to begin with mind-blowing sex games and avoiding each other on deeper levels. Yes, sometimes people are just that genuine and want to jump your bones for something more than just the superficial and that isn’t a bad or boring thing, if it’s done right.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Being able to talk a big game and being able to bring it are two very different things and unless you are willing to step back and let this latest boy toy prove his thing, you might never know unless its too late what he truly is capable of. Not to say you have to set him up, but if he truly is on the up and up, then it’ll be obvious fast.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Taking big risks bring big fears, but don’t let that rule you. Set a major plan in motion, like a possible long distance love affair or even just a big vacation, either or, ditching everything you know for what you don’t in some capacity will lead to extreme pleasures that’ll be lighting up your mind and body with incomprehensible delights.

  • Zergnet: Simply Irresistible

  • HowAboutWe

  • Popular