• Horoscopes

For The Week Of March 30-April 5, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

They’ll be all sort of strange panics you’ll be having over your sex life, but don’t give into it much, as it’s all a state of mind. As long as you keep your eye on the prize, and avoid getting too emotional about your current circumstances, you will come out fine. After all, why add more pressure on yourself? This time around, let fate show you what its got.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your honey is only human and if you expect anything more than mediocre this week, you’ll be setting yourself up for a fall. Sure, he’ll be able to say all the right things, but doing them won’t be hitting the mark. Instead of defining your whole relationship on this week, be vigilant and don’t forget the past. Of course, if none of it adds up, then this is the week to subtract.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Bitching and moaning might be what you feel, but if you want that someone to come save your day, you’re going to have to seize your independence, go that holier than thou route and act as if you know it all. Your cockiness will translate well and draw him in like flies to honey. However, when all is said and done, don’t worry, bitching and moaning will also have its place and time.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You can’t help yourself from jumping on a good thing when you see it, but do beware than you have the tendency to flip flop your emotions just as fast and this time around someone’s heart will be on the line and unless you want to be responsible for a major disaster, think hard before promising anything beyond this week.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If you’re a cohabitator, this is the week to tell your roomie to put in those extra hours at work, because your inner beast will be out in full force. Yes, moodiness will strike you at your homiest, making you bite off the head of anyone who can’t get with your program. So, unless your baby is completely whipped, tell him to run for cover.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Don’t read too much into anything you hear this week when it comes to love or sex, because chances are you’ll be adding in a lot more spice and chaos that the situation is asking for and in turn, making yourself your own worst enemy. Sure, being a little suspicious is always good, but in all things, think moderation. This time around, what you hear is really what you get.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

The hell with debt; sometimes throwing money at a problem is the lesser of the evils and as this week pulls you through an emotional roller coaster that has you wondering where you’re going in the long term, the only way to come to a decent conclusion is pamper yourself like crazy and have the answers arise in the wake of your calm.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your heart and mind are going to skitz out in opposite directions, but if you’re going to trust one, make it your mind. In terms of love, you’ll have no sense of right and wrong if you are lead by emotions and that will get you manipulated in the wrong way. However, if you’re prudent, your brains will get you through and prove to whomever that you’re not a bitch to be messed with.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

There is a fine line between devotion and being a doormat, this week be able to step back from your relationship and understand the distinction between the two. If need be, consult one of your closest and most outspoken friends and ask their opinion. If anything, that extra dose of tough love will prove to be the perfect antidote.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Being friends first doesn’t mean your prospect is a dog or thinks you’re one. Not every relationship needs to begin with mind-blowing sex games and avoiding each other on deeper levels. Yes, sometimes people are just that genuine and want to jump your bones for something more than just the superficial and that isn’t a bad or boring thing, if it’s done right.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Being able to talk a big game and being able to bring it are two very different things and unless you are willing to step back and let this latest boy toy prove his thing, you might never know unless its too late what he truly is capable of. Not to say you have to set him up, but if he truly is on the up and up, then it’ll be obvious fast.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Taking big risks bring big fears, but don’t let that rule you. Set a major plan in motion, like a possible long distance love affair or even just a big vacation, either or, ditching everything you know for what you don’t in some capacity will lead to extreme pleasures that’ll be lighting up your mind and body with incomprehensible delights.

For The Week Of March 23-29, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

You never know where the surprises are going to occur this week, so best to just pay attention to your instincts and take those seedy mystery rides when you can, because this is the time when you will be in for an experience that you never quite had before, as it’ll expand your imagination to enter (and enjoy) realms you thought were only for freaks.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

With all the demands your baby will be making on you this week, it’ll be one of those times you’ll have to go deep into yourself and remind yourself why you love him. Sure, it won’t be easy to maneuver yourself amid the minefield of aggravation he’ll be planting, but as you know, to all your ups there has to be some downs.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Whatever routines you have going on, forget them. They won’t be working for you and the last thing that’ll get you off is anything familiar. Yes, take on whatever new challenges come your way or seek edgier opportunities, as that is what’ll give your mind and body the ultimate thrills to really get off on.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Emotions and the intellect can operate in two completely erratic ways. What you crave with your heart doesn’t always strike a cord in your mind. This week, expect to feel torn between two sides of yourself as they fight to find a common ground on someone new that comes into your life that almost fits perfectly, but just doesn’t quite make the mark.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Mounting sexual frustrations don’t have to be a burden anymore, if you can just stop being so hard on the prospects. Not to say you shouldn’t have standards, but getting a bit more creative in your approach can open up side to others that you didn’t think existed and in turn, can open you up in just the way to cure what ails.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’ll have just the right words to turn it out with that special someone, but the problem will be you won’t be in such the mood to do all that you say. Sure, you can tease all you want, but do have some mercy. While playing this part is a role you were born for, realize the whole point is to eventually provide some sort of release. Don’t reap what you can’t sow.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Home might be where you heart is, but that isn’t where your body should lay. When it comes to your new piece, don’t rush getting too personal too quickly, as you know your compassion sometimes has an aggravating way of leading you to charity dating. For now, work the social angles first to sort out if there is anything worthy to be revealed behind closed doors.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ll be feeling your power and working to enforce it. While this can bode well for you in career, friendship and with money, in love this won’t be in your favor. Judgments you make now and actions you take won’t be as you’d wish, but rather completely backwards. If you want anything sexy to happen this week, sorry to say, it’ll have to be with yourself.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your idealism is a fab world of horny sensations, but don’t be too shy in keeping them all in your head. Don’t shrug off ongoing fantasies, thinking they have to be just that — because at this moment, you are in a prime position to cross your reality with a little bit of your dream world, as the one you’ve got holding on is just the lead that will play out your needs properly.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

A friendship gets a dash of intrigue, as some bonding moment will take a PG point of view into a total Rated R one. Although you will want to act impetuously, know there are repercussions that can be positive and negative and weighing out the options is necessary if you want to explore the matters to your advantage. In other words, keep your panties on for now and think.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Intimidation is no turn-on. See a bully for who they are and don’t think you have to offer up any compassion or integrity to get him to do as you say, because if you give them an inch they will want a foot. Stand up for yourself this week and enforce your authority on yourself. This is the time for your ego to have its day.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

To get off on a whole new level, you’re going to have to let loose and let spontaneity do with you what it will. Action and adventure are on the agenda, but it’ll be more about the craziness of random events that’ll be stirring up your life and imagination than anything emotional. So that means yes to a period of wild sex, but no to romantic love.

For The Week Of March 16-22, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

So what if you’re feeling a littler pushier this week and you want your baby to get off his ass and start doing more with himself than just turning into a parasite? This is not the time to be too sympathetic to anyone’s plight, but your own. Get the balance back in your own mind and screw the rest. If you can’t teach by example, consider it a lost cause.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your anal energy will be going up a few notches, but this will be a perfect time to start using this special power to screen your life through and see what is basically adding or subtracting from the equation. Yes, this is your time to organize and gain maximum efficiency over all your matters and realize you can dominate.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Forget making plans, as they’ll only create expectations and a downward spiral to your current state of bliss. Best to just hop on this ride and take it where it will, as trying to make any predictions will only slow you down and prove nothing. Surprises are best when they actually are allowed to be surprises.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Everyone, even you, needs a little love and tenderness once in a while and for that, this is your perfect time to settle into a calmer state of mind and go private for just a few. If attached, this will give you time to get back in sync with your honey in a more familial way. If you’re single, this will give you space to get sense of clarity that’s been lacking.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Let your mind wander and take you off to a fairy never land where all is perfect and sweet and the way reality should be, if you were in control. While this isn’t going to turn out a miracle, this will help you get a greater sense of what you need to learn and how you need to step it up. Yes, dare to go off the beaten path and realize there is way more than meets the eye.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Get you party dress on and your ass out there. Prospects will be out by the droves, as there’ll be many places and faces that can bring on several positive opportunities for you — not just ones to get laid, but ones to move you up the ladder of success. The catch though, you’ll have to be the one to make that first move.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Enough is enough and all that bugs you will be no longer, as you won’t be the same compassionate lady you were just a few days ago. No, this week, it’s a change of plans, as life literally goes from bottom to top — as in you wielding a new sense of confidence to realize taking no bull and prisoners is your best suited style.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Get ready to hear lots of whining from your baby and be ready with the tough love. Sure, at first you might want to go the nurturing route, but soon enough you’ll learn that it won’t be of much use. To make the most of it, use this time to get in touch with your more creative side or at least, your more peacefully reclusive one.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your need to be social will resemble a manual car driven by someone who doesn’t know a thing about stick shift. Yes, emotions will be pulling you back and forth, making you wonder if you’re borderline personality. No matter, expect to feel crazy, and with that, be aware that fleeting love affairs are just part of this phase, so be careful of promising anything more than just a night.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your ambition will be going into overdrive and there won’t be anyone that can stop you on your mission. So, whatever your deepest desire is and what you think will make you feel like Queen of the hill, have it consume you over the next few weeks because this is the time come hell or high water you’re going to get what you want.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Who cares about always trying to take the high road; sometimes taking the lowest and sleaziest way is the one that’s best for you. After all, aspiring to be sweet (fake) all day can only make you so satisfied. This time around, dig deeper into your gut and realize that some grimy honesty is just what the doctor ordered.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Sex is a metaphor of a relationship; so if you’re not getting the thrill ride of your life, reconsider being on the love installment plan. Besides, there’s no reason you can’t be friends; after all, friends are is the category of people you admire, but don’t want to screw — which seems to be the area he fits in more and more. Admit it and get back on with your bad self.

Ask The Astrosexologist: Should I Ditch My Husband For My Online Lover?

I will start off with the players: Me, Leo 8/11/72, born approx 8:30pm, Eugene Oregon; my husband, a Virgo, 9/5/76, born in Kitchener Ontario, and the lover, a Gemini, 5/23/77, born in Poughkeepsie NY.

My husband and I married very quickly after being friends for a long time — there had always been some chemistry and attraction, but once we were married things really went downhill. It has reached the point that I don’t want to make the effort because I resent him so much, and also the lack of response and attention from him has affected my self-esteem. We ‘took a break’ in August, this was a huge relief for me. For a variety of reasons it is not possible for us to separate completely yet, and we continue to live together. He wants to reconcile, I do not think I will ever be able to be happy in this relationship. To his credit, he is very committed to me and willing to work on the relationship, but I just don’t feel like he’s ever going to get it — get me, and that is a very lonely feeling within a relationship.

Keep reading »

For The Week Of March 9-15, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Embrace your independence, because as of right now, that will be the only thing that will lead you back to sanity. If you spend too much time listening to your honey go on and on about whatever he thinks is right, you will eventually start questioning yourself — and darling, no need for that. You’re right, he’s wrong. Give it time, you’ll get to say, “I told you so.”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

If it sounds like guilt, feels like guilt, know it as guilt. Don’t feel bad for decisions you have to make for you, because this is your life and you’re entitled to feel as happy as you want to. For anyone that doesn’t see it that way, know they have no place in their life, no matter how deep your history goes with them or how good you want to view them.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your life is finally heading to new heights of fun, bringing back your optimist — hallelujah! Go ahead, make up fantasies and get lost in. Dream up all fantastical scenarios to go head over heels on. While they might not happen, the inspiration alone is worth ODing on because through it, other great accomplishments will come through and no matter what, will land you on your feet.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Keeping your composure will be your biggest task this week, as someone who thinks himself as an authority figure will spout off information that’s not his to share, putting you in an uncomfortable position. Sure, we all put our foot in our mouths, but if there’s no remorse, that is when you know that person as a jerk and to make necessary steps to avoid further incrimination.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Let loose and have a little more fun than usual. This means putting that nagging disciplined voice of yours on mute and taking on a more devil may care attitude, as it’ll be the times you feel trouble coming on that’ll put you in the most prime place to get that little somethin’-somethin’ that’ll give you your groove back.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When it comes to sharing, you might be its poster child, but that doesn’t mean you have to be. Face it, being generous can be a thankless job, especially if you are dealing with spoiled patrons that don’t seem to get that your kindness is not a right, but a privilege. Of course, being a martyr without anyone asking isn’t required either; so think twice before opening yourself up too much.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

They’ll be no holding you back when it comes to airing out your opinions. Seems somewhere along this week, you’re going to snap and let all the venom ooze out of you until you get your point of contention in its place. While this might burn a bridge, feel relief that you’ve crossed it enough times to never have to go back anyway.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Any paranoids you have in regard to health issues, deal with them now. Otherwise, your paranoia this week will be heighten to a new level of dysfunction, putting you in a ringy state of mind that won’t only make you a bitch to everyone around you and a self sabotaging maniac to yourself. Yes save yourself by dealing with obvious priorities.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Good news is on the way. Chances are a friend will have something interesting for you, which is a direct win for you or can inadvertently set you onto a path that will lead you to something you’ve been wishing for. Whichever the case, this will mean having to listen closely and even in-between the lines if you must. However, once you hear what you need, it’ll be obvious.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Your Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde will be flip-flopping all over themselves, trying to get in face time with everyone you know, making you one crazy mixed bag of nuts. Of course, chances are you have an odd variety of people around you, making it easy to pick out the freaks that get off on this kind of thing. After all, why waste this level of insanity on just yourself?

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

When it comes to basic communications with others, you’re going to have to take the high route — perhaps so high, that you might have to walk over them to get to a new plateau. To say the least, they’ll be several occasions where someone you thought had a chance will start talking out of their ass and if you don’t take it as a sign, you will only have yourself to blame.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

There will be many things that’ll irritate you beyond belief this week, but this isn’t the time to express anger back. Best to just see these misgivings for what they are and quietly mark them down as points against these wrongdoers. When the time is right and with the proper strategy, you will be able to unload, move ahead of these twits and get back to where you belong — on top.

For The Week Of March 1-7, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

If you hear something that doesn’t sit right with you and you’re feeling like you’re being lead into the wrong direction, pay attention. Your intuition will be on and if you trust it, it’ll save you from a pending disaster. Stop thinking you have to make any more excuses to get by, because there is no more time to waste.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Forget trying to get on the same page as your partner. Emotional unrest is going to be a part of the week, as the past will come back to haunt. Feel free to take that jaunt down memory lane, if you are indeed the one to get that calling, as this is the time to exorcise those demons once and for all. If it is him, just sit back and let things happen as they will, things will fall back into place.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

A monkey wrench is going to be thrown into your routine, causing all sorts of delays and tipping off a few bizarre psychological hang-ups and even uncovering a few you didn’t know. To say the least, it’s a week of startling revelations of discovering you aren’t as brazen as you come across and that your tender side speaks way louder to the one that matters.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Just as you go cruising along, living on the crest of this wave of happiness, down comes reality and washes it all away. Not to say what’s left behind is bad, just tougher to deal with than what you’ve acclimated yourself too. Yes, the honeymoon is over and now it’s time to start dealing with the important stuff — your ego.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

When it comes to changing anything up in your home life, don’t. Making impetuous decisions won’t be in your favor. Best to consider options and make sure when you are acting out of determination, not desperation. If you must do anything, move important tasks onto other territory, as it’s fine to do other things, like taking a vacation or a spa day.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Any last minute info you hear, ignore it. While news may shake you up, most of the time it’ll be a false alarm. Panic is just part of this phase, but with no real outcome. Think of it as the universe testing your preparations for emergencies, as thinking fast on your feet is skill you’re going to have to hone to be able to get you off of them in the near future.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Slowly, sluggishness will creep into your brain, but don’t let it kill your motivation on long-term goals. While there’ll be some second-guessing going on, approach it as reworking, rather than demolishing. As you should know you are an extreme lady, but not everything is always so black and white, so this week, consider those grays.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

With love, you can’t always know immediately if you’ve made the right choice. This week though, payback starts to come around and gives you peace of mind you haven’t had in ages. Lucky are you to see the one you once would of pledged your heart unconditionally to turn out to be such a loser — karmic satisfaction 100% guaranteed.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Life happens in cycles and if you’ve been feeling as if you are on a never-ending treadmill of tedium and angst, things are finally going to switch — however, into reverse, so hold on tight. This means the universe is going to open up Pandora’s Box in some way and throw a little craziness into the mix, which can make you appreciate the finer points of boredom.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Love or another meaningless fling is your perfect escape, as aggravation with friends will be the culprit of your duress. They’ll irritate to the point of wanting to erase all your contact info and start anew. While you’ll have reason to feel this way, it doesn’t mean you’re perfect either. There is always a cause to every effect and to think your best on this matter, it’ll require a little sweat.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You may want to rethink your sense of entitlement, because what you think you deserve isn’t even the prize that is up for grabs. A dose of humility will do wonders for you over the next several weeks, as you start seeing the path you are heading on isn’t the one you thought it might be — not to say it’s bad, just different.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Despite all the efforts you’ve put into helping another live a happier and more productive life; gratitude will be a rare commodity. While you can’t teach class to everyone, you can sympathize that they’ll never be as perfect as you and then rethink the extent of what you are giving. To be where you truly want to be, it means directing things on a two-way street.

For The Week Of February 22-28, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Clicking with that special someone will make you feel as if you’re on top of the world. Having gone through many trials and too many tribulations, why be shy to express your feelings? Go ahead; indulge in all the silly things that being in love means, drawing hearts, special ring tones — because if ever there were a time to gush, it’s now.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your management skills go under the wire again, as your honey once again hits a rocky patch. While you can’t be everywhere at once, being fast on your feet and honing your organizational skills is required. Sure, detouring chaos at a moment’s notice sucks, but perhaps this when you should start paying attention to these repetitious cycles and the cause and effect.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Finally, romance comes back into your life in a big way, reminding you once again why you are the sign of sex. Although it’ll feel like a glass of water after a long walk in the desert, pace yourself; more options are set to come — and although you might have made your pick already, there will be nothing wrong or hotter than letting your decision stew.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Stop putting off that phone call you know you should of made ages ago. This is your last time to redeem yourself to a wronged lover and it’s in your best interest not to let this chance go to waste. You’ll find distance has made the heart grow fonder and in this case, it’ll be in your favor as this is the time to wipe your marred karmic slate clean.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

You’ve always been realistic about your finances, perhaps a little too much so. This week, loosen up the slack and see that opening up those purse strings can now buy you a few adventures and opportunities that are priceless. If you’re attached, this means a mountain retreat weekend f*ck-fest; if single, this means a beach resort weekend f*ckfest.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Not everyone is out to get you and the sooner you realize that being angry isn’t the only way to get attention or feel edgy, the closer you’ll be to a place where unsettling drama isn’t the commodity and good times are. Seriously, the only thing that’s going down on you with these theatrics is your stock.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

A breath of fresh air is coming, as you’ll be seeing your way out of a sticky situation that you thinking you had no power. Seems now, there is nothing to lose when it comes down to being as bad as you want. So whip out the leather, put on your most dramatic f’ck me heels and lay down the law, because no one will be getting off quite the same anymore.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your compassion will be rearing its little head, making you act in ways that’ll surprise someone close to you. While it might not be turning over a new leaf completely, it’ll at least shake up preconceived notions he had about you. Seems he’ll be able to understand that sweet soft spot of yours a little easier and wanting to touch it just a little bit more too.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

As you know, relationships are never perfect and as much as you’d like to think you’ve behaved properly throughout your affairs, there are always two sides to every story. With a reunion seeming inevitable, do look both ways before crossing that line. However, know that when you do, come out with both arms fighting.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

With your love life seeming a bit dubious these days, best to put your energy somewhere else. So, if you’ve been dabbling with the idea of being your own boss or some sort of big career move, go for it. The stars are aligned for you, lighting a new path, one in which you won’t have to keep looking over your shoulder. Enter this new direction and magic will follow.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Relish in your freedom, because if you don’t see that you control your fate, you might find yourself guilted into actions that are sub par in the happiness and self-satisfaction category. Sure, help if someone deserves it, but to just dole it out thinking you owe it to anyone — hell no! Being a good person doesn’t mean being obedient.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

This week, a situation will appear that’ll put your intelligence, savvy and charisma to the test. How you handle this situation will prove to be a major factor in your future. Don’t feel ashamed to ask questions or move slowly. In fact, the more deliberate your pace, the more exciting the build up and in this case, a little mystery will go a long way.

Ask The Astrosexologist: Should This Leo Wait For Her Virgo Man To Be Ready For Commitment?

“I’m a Leo girl (Capricorn Ascendant, Moon in Aries, Mars in Capricorn, Venus in Libra) and I’m extremely emotional. I’m dating a really great guy (Sun in Virgo, Sagittarius Ascendant, Moon in Aquarius, Mars in Leo, Venus in Libra) who is really into me. We have been together for over a year and have a great relationship. We rarely argue, still have an exciting sex life and I think we balance each other out very well. My emotional personality goes well with his practicality and discipline. However, our relationship started out while he was in the process of getting divorced — he and his ex wife have been divorced for eight months now. We’ve gone through numerous difficulties and have come out of those issues closer and stronger than before. My problem seems to be trusting him and controlling my jealous impulses. I want to put my wandering mind to rest and believe that he is faithful. I have no reason NOT to believe this, as he constantly speaks with me and tells me he loves and misses me, but sometimes I can’t help but think that he is sleeping with his ex or someone he works with.

He talks about the future constantly. However, he is skeptical about moving too fast because he thinks that was his issue with his ex-wife. He says that things will develop naturally over time. However, my impatient nature has me ready to move in with him right away. He frequently says, ‘It’s not the right time for us.’ I know I should be patient, trust him and give him time, especially since he just recently got divorced, but I can’t seem to lock my emotions down and trust that this is the right thing for us right now. Help!” – Leo Lady Keep reading »

For The Week Of February 16-22, 2009

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

This is your time to love and be loved. So, whatever issues has your head in a tizzy, let it go. Let bygones be bygones and realize that in the whole scheme of things, there is major love between you and your boo and you both are on the same page with all that truly matters. No, not all will be easy sailing, but for now, enjoy that someone does has your back.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Details matter. So don’t let your logic be glossed over by a pretty picture and ignore the substance that is lurking or lacking underneath. You aren’t and never have to be as desperate to think you can’t have it all. However, if you keep trying to lie to yourself and deny what you truly want, then inevitably, you’ll be fulfilling your own worst self-fulfilling prophecy.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Make a wish now. Chances of something beautiful happening is in your stars, but you’re going to have to know what you want to recognize it. Seems in the past, you’ve made demands and as soon as you get it, you drop it. This time around, the universe is pleading with you to think in the long-term and really be ready to take that next major progressive step.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Although you like fluttering about on the wings of whatever wind is blowing your way, you’re going to have to set your roots down for a little while and source out the scene. Seems your honey is feeling rather neglected and it’s now your time to shower him with some love. If you don’t have one, then take this as your cue to get feng shui on yourself and rethink your home base.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Expressing your feelings in new ways is your best bet to improve your current status. If you’re single, this is your time consider trying speed dating or online options. If you’re hooked up, time to get down to business with your baby to discuss the future and make some solid plans — with deadlines; whichever the situation, think of this week as the first week of the rest of your life.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Be happy with the material things in your life, as they are the mark of your successes. Let them be a reminder to what you’ve accomplished in your life solo. Then, if need be, be ready to compare to the prospects coming to your life this week—will they be the type to add to your kingdom or leeches that’ll only ruin paradise? Be smart; see the obvious for what it is.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

The post-traumatic stress of V-day will be wearing thin and you’ll be able to gather yourself to a more productive state of mind. You now know what to do and how to do it. Although the demons in your head keep trying to hold you back, think of it as the last hoop to jump through until you hit the promise land. Success is just steps away.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Your intuition will hit a whole new level of accuracy, that’ll make you think you should open your own psychic hotline. However, don’t disregard the weird information that comes in, just because it doesn’t add up. Sometimes it takes time to see the entire picture. So, no you aren’t going crazy, but yes, you’re going to have to be a little patient to piece it all together succinctly.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

If you’ve been considering having a gang bang, this is your luckiest time to jump in. Yes, if you want your love life to get a boost of excitement, you’re going to have to get more people involved. However, even something as small as asking friends to set you up on blind dates will do too. It’s realizing you aren’t alone, as sometimes it does take a village or at least, doing one.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

As your star rises, your honey’s might be at a stand still and that will mean passive aggressive spats of jealousy coming over the horizon to make you see a whole new side to him that will be a big turn off. Of course, nobody is perfect, but damn it, don’t you deserve something closer to it? Yes, and for that, be on guard to see how Mr. Once Perfect behaves over the next few weeks.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Stop thinking worst-case scenarios. If you keep going on that path, it’ll only mean self-sabotaging behavior and thinking you don’t deserve any better — and who has time for that? Be willing to put your suspension of disbelief to work and realize the world is a beautiful place that wants to give you everything you want, with no strings attached.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Forget the proper protocol when it comes to anything regarding sex, because when it comes down to it, the kind you’re going to want this week will be the kind that is worth putting all shame aside for. Yes, the passion, naughtiness and chemistry with whoever is on your radar is going to hit a new level of destiny and although it might not be forever, the memory alone is worth it.

In Bed With … David Beckham

VITAL STATS
Born: May 2, 1975 at 9:30 AM in London (UK)
Sun Sign: Taurus
Ascendant: Cancer
Moon: Aquarius
Mercury: Taurus
Venus: Gemini
Mars: Pisces

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