For the week of April 14-20, 2008
Aries (March 21-April 19)
They’ll be no shortage of lust in your life. However, let him step it up by the week’s end and prove to you that he’s worth it. Yes, seems overnight, your standards have shifted and it’ll take more than a pretty face, but a MENSA membership to get into your pants. Thankfully, this means all you have to do is sit back and enjoy the show.
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Have you ever dreamed that you slept with your father? Or rode a mechanical bull while a coworker watched? We have and were disturbed for months. Fortunately, dreams don’t always mean what you think they do, and having sex with your father is nothing to worry about, so long as it only happens in your subconscious. Here, we ask psychologist Veronica Tonay, Ph.D. to decode your crazy dreams each and every week, so that you can sleep at night, and dream some more.
THE DREAM IN QUESTION: I have a reoccurring dream that I discover a wing of a mansion hidden in my apartment. For example, one day I open the closet and find a door that leads to a series of overly decorated rooms that are HUGE. Often in my dreams I discover these rooms are haunted or someone died there. The rooms have really dated furniture, and it’s apparent these rooms have not been lived in for ages. I grew up in a tastefully decorated home — what’s with the tacky furniture? — Living Amidst Shag Carpet, New York, NY Keep reading »
For the week of April 7-13, 2008
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Hot, horny and insatiable is you on the 6th, when the new moon in Aries revs you up. However, the next day, when Venus, the sensuality planet, enters Aries, you’ll be officially out of control. Expect lewd thoughts to fill your brain and your body to go into automatic, rubbing against any hot thing with a pulse. As for personality, that’ll be the least of your cares.
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Secret sex will stir up your life. Love being the girl with the mysterious glow that has everyone whispering. Not to say you can’t spill your skeletons, but why bother? The privacy you’ll have to let whatever happen, without nosy friends prying will be the best gift you can give your bourgeoning relationship. Besides, let’s see if he’s even worth talking about first.
Decisions come out this week. Expect to finally seal the deal with that special someone or have had it with a relationship all together and decide to go solo. Either or, finding your balance is going to be your new mission and come hell or high water you’re going to find it. The good news is that no matter what you choose, empowerment will follow.
By the way people scowl at you when you tell them your sign, you should know you have nothing to lose when it comes saying how you really feel. Face it, most people aren’t going to get you anyway and that’s okay. Realize that’s the best defense you can ask for and keep on intimidating. After all, do you really want to be dating spineless morons?
The level of selfishness you hit now will say all you need to know about how much you care about your latest plaything. Committed or not, this week will lead you down the road to many tempting offers and some may be too hot to refuse. How you play your cards can give you the winning pot or make you bottom out. Choose wisely.
If you’re already living with someone, expect a lovey dovey time of domestic bliss. If you’ve been seeing some, step it up and play house. Even if you don’t think you’re there yet, jump in and try it out — even if it’s for a week. Learning those odd habits now will be what endears you the most to one another and get your oxytocin levels soaring to new heights.
Hot hook-ups will be close to home. If you have had the hots for your neighbor or someone that works close by, this is the time to put on the F-me pumps, walk on over and introduce yourself. If there’s no one close by, then hit up siblings for introductions. If you’re an only child that lives and works alone, then this is a great time to buy your perfect vibrator.
Let your superficiality rage. As the sign of compassion, you have a tendency to hook-up with one too many charity cases and this week, time to turn the tide. Be good to yourself; indulge in lust for just pure lust. Not to say you can’t want someone for his inner beauty, but who has time for anything other than instant gratification? For this week, certainly not you.
Hot, horny and insatiable is you on the 6th, when the new moon in Aries revs you up. However, the next day, when Venus, the sensuality planet, enters Aries, you’ll be officially out of control. Expect lewd thoughts to fill your brain and your body to go into automatic, rubbing against any hot thing with a pulse. As for personality, that’ll be the least of your cares.
Get in a sexier state of mind by hitting the dance floor and shaking it. Positive energy attracts positive energy and unless you get back in touch with your more physical side, it’ll make your outlook rather dull. Jumpstart the caboose. If you have a man, drag him out there too. If unattached, your moves and the pheromones oozing out your pores will draw in the prospects.
Although you’re an air sign, ruled by mercury, and are all about operating on an intellectual plane, time to switch gears. Drop the psychoanalysis routine and let your emotions do your talking. Not that you have to get all sappy and cry, but admitting that you aren’t all logic and fact will soften you up and make you more approachable, not to mention more f’able.
Sure, your mama brought you up to be a nice and respectable lady, presentable for even the most formal occasions. However, you know there’s a freak inside you that can spring out at the most inappropriate times, making you a menace to tradition and a hound for trouble. Don’t fight it. Accept who you are and the right flock will find you.
There’s nothing hotter than you at your bossiest, going ego to ego with the one you lust. Expect sparks to fly when you and you honey have it out. No stone will go unturned. Drama will fly from every corner of your life and through it all will be deeper understanding and intense revelations. To say the least, this week, you’ll be cocked and ready for action.
You know our girl Kiki T? She of the amazing FriskyScopes and Astrosexology Advice board in the Frisky Forums? Well, she’s a Renaissance woman — in addition to penning the fantastic Celestial Sexpots Handbook, she also recently became a featured expert on MyLifetime.com, where she dispenses sex and love advice straight from the stars. Check out her “Celestial Charm School” videos, especially the ones which give you the sexual and celestial lowdown on all the signs of the Zodiac. [Celestial Charm School With Kiki T] Keep reading »
For the week of March 31-April 6, 2008
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Your hotness heats up, so aim high. Don’t waste time on charity cases and borderline crushes. You know they only occupy mental space that then makes you waste time analyzing his actions when deep down you could care less. Break free of those habits now. A worthy contender is coming; until then, save the juice for a more savory flavor.
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Have you ever dreamed that you slept with your father? Or rode a mechanical bull while a coworker watched? We have and were disturbed for months. Fortunately, dreams don’t always mean what you think they do, and having sex with your father is nothing to worry about, so long as it only happens in your subconscious. Here, we ask psychologist Veronica Tonay, Ph.D. to decode your crazy dreams each and every week, so that you can sleep at night, and dream some more.
THE DREAM IN QUESTION: I never had fantasy dreams when I was single, but now that I’m committed to one person, I have them all the time. I once dreamed that I met present-day Paul McCartney, my favorite Beatle, at a Stella McCartney fashion show. We had sex in an abandoned, pink Spanish-style house with no windows that was covered in ivy. Then, we moved it to the roof of his silver Mercedes, which was parked outside under a big tree. — Kickin’ It With Macca Keep reading »
Is your love life in a tizzy? Feeling trapped in a scandalous situation that only cosmic forces can pull you out of? Looking for answers that only fate can provide? If so, then you’ve come to the right place — right to the presence of Kiki T., the one and only Astrosexologist Extraordinaire and overall moral authority. Spill your sexy secrets and find out how to satisfy yourself celestially. By learning all the astrological ins and out to love and lust, you can realize that getting some control isn’t necessarily light years away. Sure, Kiki’s FriskyScopes are awesome, but aren’t you hungering for more….specific advice? Head to Kiki’s board on The Frisky Forums and post a question about your own sex/love life — just be sure to include as much astrological info as possible so Kiki knows who she’s workin’ with.
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For the week of March 24-30, 2008
Aries (March 21-April 19)
Self-possession is 9/10th the way to turn on any object of desire. Remember you’re the sign of fearlessness and thrive on challenge. You’re a warrior and failure is never an option. Repeat this to yourself often, like putting on armor and then ready yourself for that fated moment this week when you’ll finally be face-to-face with that hot someone you’ve been eyeing.
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Have you ever dreamed that you slept with your father? Or rode a mechanical bull while a coworker watched? We have and were disturbed for months. Fortunately, dreams don’t always mean what you think they do, and having sex with your father is nothing to worry about, so long as it only happens in your subconscious. Here, we ask psychologist Veronica Tonay, Ph.D. to decode your crazy dreams each and every week, so that you can sleep at night, and dream some more.
THE DREAM IN QUESTION: My dad had just left my mom for Margaret Cho. He was staying in a bachelor pad, and my mom wasn’t bummed about it at all. In fact, she seemed happy. (In real life they are still together after 38 years.) I was staying at my dad’s place and had to sleep in his bed since it was a studio. He had a hot body and accidentally spooned me, thinking I was Margaret Cho. While I was disgusted, I was also slightly turned on. WTF is wrong with me? — Cuddling Daddy
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