Category Archives: Horoscopes

Friskyscopes are your weekly love horoscopes from your astrosexologist Kiki T.! Learn more about what your astrological sign should expect this week in the dating, relationship, and sex department.

For The Week Of April 12-18, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Nobody has the right to judge you, and that even means you. While there are a lot of mess-ups that you think you could have avoided, dealing with them now will make you feel overwhelmed at times — just go into forward motion mode and ignore the rest. Making yourself your own worst enemy now won’t be pretty or reconcilable.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

When it comes to love, sweet love, you will be the grandmaster of it all, as this week the powers of the universe are bestowing all their love energy onto you and making you one hot piece. If you are attached, expect you will get even more so. If you aren’t, then out of the rubble of your lost loves a new lust will rise that will make you speechless.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your sex appeal is a natural power you emanate and one that if you wield properly can win you a lot of favors. This week, it’ll be doubly so — use it to your advantage and think of these worshippers as your own personal servants. While there might be a king in this mix, it doesn’t mean you can’t claim the empire all on your own.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Watch out, fate is about to come in and swoop you away on a magical journey that will touch you down in a magical land far from your reality, bringing with it mystical awakenings and a passion so intense that you’ll feel the burn for days and the inspiration for a lifetime. However, be prepared: that may be the only evidence you’ll have for your time spent.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If you want to win big, that means you have to play it large. This isn’t the time to be meager with anything; this is the time to go all the way and show your dedication. Seems there is a lot at stake now, as you are in a phase where things are going to either grow or wither away quickly, making it all about what you put in and having faith in the seemingly impossible.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Be prepared to hear all sorts of craziness this week – it’ll seem as if the filter fell off your honey’s mouth and left him one unedited mess. While some of those random comments will have roots in passive-aggressiveness, the rest will be just pure insanity. To avoid going overboard, trudge through what was said to get to the points that actually matter.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Look out for number one and you won’t go wrong. Enough of putting your own feelings aside to accommodate others! After all, don’t you owe yourself some comfort? Of course you do, but no one is going to give that to you unless you give it to yourself first. Luckily, though, once you start to get in the gist of spoiling yourself, others will follow your lead.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Spring cleaning is in full effect. It’s time to close the book on dull chapters in your life that have been going nowhere. While the transition may cause a lull in your mood and life, take this as a time to recalibrate your brain and heart, because once the new cycle begins you better know where you want to go with it, as thinking fast is the prerequisite for your success.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Nobody is going to convince you of doing anything you don’t want to do, so don’t even bother being polite with listening to other options. However, with that said, be prepared to fight the fight, as it is obvious that you like challenges and taking the harder route. As they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

If it’s been way too long since your last dalliance, don’t hesitate to dial up friends who can hook you up. This is the week when friendships will matter, and getting a leg up on them will literally get some legs wrapped around you. Go ahead; share your thoughts, exact descriptions, needs, etc., as it’ll be your quickest, easiest and most accurate way of getting some.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Although it might feel as if you are trying to run uphill with your love life, don’t get discouraged now. A breakthrough is coming that will lead you to a whole new level of understanding and control. Yes, seems to be that the ball will soon be floating over to your court, but if you don’t want to screw it up, it’ll mean being ready to serve it right back with all you’ve got.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

When it comes to nabbing the finest, you’re going to have to go out on that limb. While that certain someone has most definitely been sitting on his or her laurels long enough, it’ll take your last-ditch effort to incite the passion. Sure, you should never have to work this hard, but sometimes humility is just the thing you have to get in touch with to get that brass ring.

Ask The Astrosexologist: “My Long-Distance Man Won’t Use Labels”

I have been seeing this Sagittarius for a few months now. Things are going great and we are both really into each other. The only problem is we live on opposite sides of the country. He just happened to be in my area for work for around three months. Now that he has returned to his coast, he helped pay for a trip to go out and visit him and I have now met all of his friends, neighbors and co-workers (he took me to work to show me around).

Now, I am a Sagittarius as well, and the idea of commitment weirds me out too, but when the whole “what are we?” conversation came up, I was surprised when he told me he didn’t want a label. “Why ruin a good thing by putting a label on it. Why don’t we just see what happens and where things go?”

Normally this is a line guys use to tell you they want to date other people or don’t want anything serious and you aren’t much more than a fling. However, he isn’t actually seeing anyone else. He treats me like a queen, dotes on me and calls me, as well as texts me all the time, and has confessed to being very attached to me. What is his deal? — Confused

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Decode My Dream: A Confusing Reunion With An Old Flame

I am curious about a dream I had last night. Before I share the dream, I should give you the background.

In college, I had a near-affair with a close friend. Unfortunately, the timing and where we were in life was all wrong and we ended up severing all ties in 2003. We got back in touch this past October. He was going through some difficult things at that time, and said that he wasn’t very good at maintaining relationships. It has in fact been very difficult to communicate with him at all on any subject, no matter how impersonal. In December, he informed me that he “couldn’t offer me the kind of closeness [I] wanted.” Note: what I wanted was never discussed. But he said he didn’t want to stop talking altogether. I have not heard from him since, nor do I expect to in the future.

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For The Week Of April 5-11, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

If it feels as if no one is listening to you, that means you are paying attention. Yes, this is the start of a short cycle that’ll make you reexamine what kind of power you possess and what you control. Seems the power dynamic you currently have will feel less than on par with what you feel you deserve and seems this is the time you’re not going to take it anymore!

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

The past is going to start to haunt you right now, with high chances that an ex will come creeping back out of the woodwork to ruin your stride. If this doesn’t mean a physical manifestation of him, then it could mean a psychological one, which most of the time is harder to fight off. Whichever, realize everything does happen for a reason.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Your friends love and need you. While it might not seem this way 24-7 and that can cause you to spring the green eye of jealousy and judgment, don’t let it push you over the edge. Realize it’s not you, but something in the universe, otherwise known as Saturn, the troublemaker, retrograding back into your house of friendships to test your confidence. After all, you’re perfect!

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Haters are everywhere. So, do understand being that chirpy, resourceful and always-land-on-your-feet-self isn’t going to make you the most popular in a crowd, especially now. Beware of others talking smack about you and trying to ruin your rep. You’re winning now, but only by a small margin, and the competition is hot on your trail. So, move faster now!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Getting to that fairytale ending isn’t without a price to pay. Lucky for you, the only adjustments you need to make, to get what you are after, is changing up what you want the finale to be. Yes, time to switch up your goals and realize what you once wanted isn’t going to cut it anymore and it’s a time for an upgrade. Dream bigger, get more.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Details matter now, so avoid shortcuts. The more thorough you are, the less likely that the strange surprises that’ll pop up on you will be as detrimental as they could be. If anything, you will see how fast you think on your feet or back, whichever position you are in when you come upon these crazy circumstances.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your love life will be a major point of contention this week, as passive-aggressiveness and irritating situations arise, forcing you into aggravating actions that could have been easily avoided. Unfortunately, it’ll make your relationship feel more like an adventure in babysitting than anything else.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Be careful of the battles you incite, because the more you ruin what you have going on, the deeper the cuts will go. This isn’t the time to fight the status quo, but rather to work your way around it. Not to say you ultimately have to compromise, but timing is the key to your success right now, so hold tight before getting too nuts.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Yes, you’ll be hearing some words that will make you want to do a double take on your life, as you thought everything was going superbly. Sorry to say not everything you see will be what is occurring. This week will mark a turn of events; a few blows you didn’t see coming will strike your ego — they may spin the direction of your relationship in another direction.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

It’s not that you want to be a pain in the ass, but when it comes to group dynamics, any dealings are going to cause a big old buzzkill. Seems like you’ll be more in that private and cuddly mood, but loyalties and obligations will get in the way, proving that even the happiest of relationships can posses a dark side, as there won’t just be two in your bed this week.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You know all the ins and out about being evasive, so as the tables turn and it’s you needing to read between the lines, let this be a lesson in how you communicate. Yes, time to really take the reins and just get to the bottom of the story. Logic is on your side, if you want it to be, which may mean putting on a thicker skin to wade through all the bull.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Humility is hot, if you wield it properly. Even if you have to fake it, showing some this week will seal the deal with whomever you have hanging on the line, as seeing that softer side to you will make him want to bite it hard. Of course, with that said, how great of a lay can it be if he can’t handle your fire too?

Ask The Astrosexologist: “My Boyfriend’s Kid Drives Me Crazy”

I am a Scorpio dating a wonderful Aries. He is a great boyfriend and wonderful man; he treats me like a queen. I really can’t complain. However, he is also the dad of a cute three-year-old little boy. I had never dated a single dad before, but since he is great, I decided to give it a try. OH MY GOD WAS I WRONG!

It bothers me when he has to spend time with the kid, that we have to have dinner in certain places just so the kid could eat, it bothers me when the kid wakes up early, when he won’t stop talking or screaming, etc. Pretty much everything kid-related bothers me. I am not sure I want to have children ever, but my boyfriend and I have been talking about marriage and stuff so I would like to know if there is ever the chance that this could work out? Is it worth having all the trouble with the kid just so I can keep the daddy?

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Decode My Dream: Dinner With An Angry Lesbian

I just woke up from a strange dream and need your analysis. In my dream, a pretty woman picks me up from my office for a dinner date. (I’m not a lesbian in real life, by the way.) She’s dressed like a guy and is seemingly laid-back and quiet, with an intense smile. We are seated in our booth and make small talk. She keeps picking on the waiter by ordering really specific things. Apparently, when our entrees arrive, she is unhappy and excuses herself from the table. I’m still seated and soon I hear loud arguing coming from the dining room. I refuse to turn around because I’m pretty sure my date is yelling at the waiter. I feel people glancing over at me and I’m embarrassed. Soon, she returns, looking disheveled and bruised. I ask if everything’s OK and she smiles at me and says, “Yes, but we have to leave.” So, we leave without paying for or eating our meals. Once we return to my office’s parking lot, she stops in the middle of the road to let me out, without a word. She also glances at the message on my phone from a colleague asking to meet up for drinks later on (not a date, just a friend). I tell her “thank you for the evening” and open her backseat to get my laptop and gym bag out. Before I can get a firm grasp on my bags, I feel the car pulling away; luckily, I’m holding on to them and they slide out of the car as she starts to drive off. Her car doors are still open and she stops to close them. I reach the car before she can and ask why she just pulled off. She barely looks at me and says, “I thought you got everything you needed.” I just walk away looking for my car, feeling angry. What does this mean? — Dating Nightmare

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For The Week Of March 29-April 4, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Chill out. This is your time to recollect all the activity that has been going on in your life and just absorb it. Once you start to fit all the pieces in, you will see something forming that you didn’t quite see before. Don’t worry, chances are this will be a good thing and will lead you to a whole new aspiration that will keep you happily occupied for quite a while.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

You’re not one to get angry quickly, so when you do, if that person isn’t getting it without you needing to explain it in full detail, then time to really consider your judgment on them. After all, if they can’t see they’ve crossed the line, understand they aren’t going to get what makes you happy either.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

All those hopes and wishes you started to plant will slowly start to blossom now, revealing the fruits of your labor. Although things don’t appear exactly as you imagined, the surprises that pop out will be to your liking. If not at the very start, do trust that it will be an acquired taste you will grow to love and intensely crave.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

You can’t help everyone, no matter how right on you are. So, as you get shut down for being honest, even after you were asked for your opinion, don’t take it personally. Trying to be a good friend isn’t all rainbows and unicorns as it should be, especially when that someone around you chooses to act like a total crackhead.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Finally, you’ll be making headway in getting rid of some of the red tape that’s been making you crazy. With this extra time, you’ll no doubt be feeling friskier and freer — which will be music to your baby’s ears. However, with something as monumental as this, don’t waste it on any ole bed. Skip town and mark new territories. The change in environment alone is orgasm enough.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Giving the benefit of the doubt has burned you before, but this week, you will find miracles are waiting for you as someone surprises you beyond your expectation and restores your faith in humanity. Yes, it’ll be one of those sudden magical moments that will make you fall to your knees and do all sorts of salty acts of praise you never saw coming.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Don’t get freaked out as that certain someone starts acting out in a more covert kind of way. Everybody needs space and it doesn’t always have to be a reflection of you or your relationship. Of course, if it really does bug you, go ahead and break out the discussion on the 3rd, but no time earlier. However, do understand you will be tinkering with something that isn’t broken.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Don’t get all freaked out when someone you thought had no backbone suddenly starts to flex theirs and really puts you in your place. While that may seem impossible, you do know that sudden attacks are not your strong point, leaving you to vulnerable positions when they do occur. Luckily, this one will come with a very happy ending.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You can’t keep dreaming of change without putting out efforts to make it happen. Time to make decisions and take chances in your day-to-day life. While you aren’t great at motivating yourself, it doesn’t mean you can’t take shortcuts, as in picking up the phone and getting someone else to come inspire you. Plus, chances are this person’s number is already in your speed dial.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

It’s your time to dream a little dream, because something dramatic and most likely fabulous is in your stars and it will be making you feel like a fairytale princess. Of course, depending on how you’ve been leading your life, this could also be a Cinderella situation, when you have to live among those bitchy stepsisters. Either/or, by the end of this week, the power is going to be yours.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

People can be so stupid and so slow. Thankfully, you’re not. So, feel free to show off your cocky side and get things moving! Whoever you are trying to connect with isn’t getting the message and if you want to see if there are any signs of life, you will have to reach out first. After that, if they’re still as unresponsive, feel free to judge them all you want.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You have a most delightful way of speaking and can charm whomever you want, whenever you want. This week, give them a taste, but don’t let them bite. Best to be vague to lure them in, as you won’t be feeling as decisive as you want. Sure, it might be a tad cruel, but as long as it’s you getting what you want, who cares?

Ask The Astrosexologist: “I’m Pregnant And My Baby Daddy Wants Nothing To Do With it!”

I’m a Scorpio and my ex is a Pisces. We’ve known each other (tenuously) since we were young. Every few years we’d run into each other, but timing was never right to date. Last November, we re-connected and began hanging out. I kinda helped him through a difficult surgery and after that we got into a habit of late night visits. That eventually stopped, then started up again in January.

Around the end of January, I told him I wanted more. I told him I liked him a lot, but I wasn’t going to wait around. He was NOT HAPPY. Then last weekend, I took a pregnancy test after I was late and dropped the bomb on my Pisces. It has not been pretty since. First he said it wasn’t his, then he didn’t believe me, and now he wants me to terminate. I can’t do that.

He got some devastating news about his job recently. Now he’s worried about paying his mortgage. He also had another major surgery in the past two weeks. He says he wants nothing to do with the kid or me. I NEVER thought he could be that kind of guy, especially growing up with his own deadbeat dad. My heart is breaking. I don’t want to raise this baby alone. The little bugger got through a condom to get here; I figure he has a reason! (Due 10.11.10) Can we make this work? Will Pisces baby daddy step up? Am I going to be alone forever? – Times Two

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For The Week Of March 22-28, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Be careful of what you reveal and to whom, because haters will be out and will twist and use your words to their benefit. However, if somehow this works out to you getting trapped into having an intimate and intense conversation with that someone who puts you on edge, well, then, this is when you’ll see how much tact you actually possess and what your true feelings are.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Feel the love, because whatever you have going on is beautiful! Sure, at times it’s not exactly what you envisioned, but perfection is only a fleeting notion anyway. As for your big picture, realize what you have does fall in line with it all, and if not 100 percent, trust you are at least on your path to the riveting happiness you theorize in your mind.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Throw away your agenda, because a new and more happening schedule of events is heading your way and it’ll be like a fire under your booty, as the speed in which you will have to travel will be faster and more intense than ever. While it might initially be a shock to your system, you’ll find that the exchange of instant gratification will more than suffice for your agony.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Sudden passionate connections are in your stars, and it’ll be the whole package deal. Not only is this someone who’ll make you sweat in all the right places, but he can actually hold up his end of a conversation too. Yes, that unicorn you have been dreaming of is coming onto the scene and ready to rock your world. Now, time to see what tricks you’ve got up your sleeve to seal the deal.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A little tension never hurt anybody, so don’t even think of caving in just to end the drama and get on with your life. Realize the choices you make now set a precedent: While you think you are paying a little of your pride now, don’t underestimate the actual price you are actually shelling out. Think harder on all the causes and effects of your decisions now.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

When you hear fighting words from your baby, be ready to stand up and throw them back just as hard. This isn’t the time to sit back and try to make excuses for anyone, because no rationale will work or should work. Besides, why be a doormat for those overly aggressive types? Realize that just because they are louder, that doesn’t make them right.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

There are times when taking the easy way out is OK. This week, no matter what ails you, don’t be shy to throw money at the problem. It will go away. While it might not necessarily go away forever, who cares! This isn’t the week you want to waste worrying about issues that only hold you back.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You’ll be revving yourself up with mucho energy, and this will mean you’ll be as daring as you will be careless. Whatever the case, you can’t help who you are and this week it’s all about letting the chips fall where they may. Luckily, in the mix not only will the chips fall where they want, so will a few panties. And for that: oh-la-la!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You have to let your imagination run away with itself, even if it scares you. In fact, the more it frightens you, the more you should realize that a change of pace is needed and some sudden actions taken. The faster you can move now, the better the results will come — it’s your instincts now that will drive you to the best parts of your fantasies.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Don’t stop to think. Get your curiosities out with that certain someone who has been circling about and learn what you need from stepping it up. If you keep obsessing about the situation, you will kill any chance at a decent orgasm — and if there is anything you need right now, it’s a giant jolt of energy into your vortex of love. That’s right, time to hit it and quit it.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You know what feels good and for that alone, you should be giving yourself a big ole pat on the back. Finding peace of mind is like finding a needle in the haystack. Once you secure it, you should never let it go. Not to say it’s all a walk in the park, because it’s not. So as you enter this week, weary of your status, get ready to put on the warrior gear and fight the big fight.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

The world is officially yours, if you want it. The thing, though, is that you can’t just wish for the mundane. Time to reach sky high, to come up with the most absurd dreams possible, because only when you let your mind go there will you have a whole new realm of possibilities open up.

Ask The Astrosexologist: Leo Can’t Drop Her Controlling Guy Friend

I’m a Leo who has had a controlling guy friend for a year and a half. He is a Libra, and has me completely under a spell. He is hooked on internet dating, but doesn’t want to let me go. Usually I just put up with it, just so I can still see him. I think he loves me, but he had a bad breakup a few years ago, and said the internet saved his life. I know he wants to be with me, as bad as I want to be with him, which only makes it worse because sometimes when we are apart for a few weeks, and see each other again, he just clings to me. I’m not a dog, and could get other guys, but I just can’t pull out of this. My friends think I’m crazy. Any advice???

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