Category Archives: Horoscopes

Friskyscopes are your weekly love horoscopes from your astrosexologist Kiki T.! Learn more about what your astrological sign should expect this week in the dating, relationship, and sex department.

In Bed With … Mark Ronson

VITAL STATS
Born: September 4, 1975 in London, England
Sun Sign: Virgo
Ascendant: Unknown
Moon: Leo
Mercury: Libra
Venus: Leo
Mars: Gemini

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For The Week Of June 7-13, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

With your status rising and accolades coming in, making you feel like one powerful lady, expect to also turn into one horny little devil in dire need of attention and unable to concentrate on anything else except feeding your most primal instincts. However, don’t jump on anything too fast, as the prospects later in the week will be far better than the ones in the early part.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Your baby is going to be stepping it up big-time this week and it’ll make you feel as if you are falling in love all over again. While the change in attitude will seem to come out of nowhere, don’t question it. Call it a gift from the gods and just savor the flavors, because it’ll only be you who can ruin this good thing.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Meeting new people will start to get easier, switching your mindset to a less tortured state. Seems you’ve been trapped inside your own little head for way too long, thinking crazy thoughts and damning yourself for no reason. Thankfully, this miracle will happen just in time, making it possible for you to lift up your skirt and fly.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Winning arguments with your baby this week will mean knowing all the nuances of your debate and being able to counteract all his hearsay with details — as that truly is where God will be for you. Otherwise, just going on your emotions won’t get you anywhere. If you go that route, he might listen, but he won’t hear you.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

A big breakthrough is coming, putting you back on top of your world and saving you from all the mumble jumble of an ex who has clouded your mind as of late. Of course, with this much work you’ve put into yourself, what would one indulgence hurt? If that means airing out his dirty laundry, go for it. After all, it’d make a grand finale to serve him his just desserts.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You can do no wrong in the eye of that special someone, as you’ll have a golden tongue that can maneuver its way around any situation with the utmost grace. Yes, seems you’ll have all the words to convince that someone of anything. And from there, that golden tongue will have other pleasant purposes that don’t include words.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You might think you know what you want and might have even made decisions, but change is always possible. This week, don’t be shocked if you do a 180 and switch gears. Sudden opportunities are going to appear and make you hot in places you never knew got that way — which will be just the kind of startling revelation you can’t deny.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You are going to enter one of your best times in years this week, as Jupiter, the planet of luck, enters Aries for most of the summer. It’ll make you the darling of the cosmos, putting you at center stage for all sorts of tasty treats that’ll have your deepest wishes answered and your life turning a special page!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

You aren’t here to serve others, so set definitive boundaries now. Yes, this week, a switch will flip and you’ll see that your relationship isn’t as idyllic as you envisioned it would be. But all isn’t lost, as new understandings are possible. Realize that sometimes people really are that dense and you do have to spell it out.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

All the various aspects of your life are going to get intense and scatter in all different directions, leaving it up to you to decide what to run after. As family demands go up, exciting opportunities with friends go another way and career will then plow another path. As for love, it’ll have to just follow you where you go.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

All the repressed anguish towards your honey that’s been brewing to a contemptuous level is about to see the light of day. Expect an eruption of epic proportions that’ll have you unleashing your fury and expressing that darker side to you. As it’ll be your ultimate release, don’t be shocked to find your boo more turned on than frightened.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You can’t expect change to come to you. It’s time to chase it and show how bad you want it. Yes, time to break out the psychological map, look for places you’ve never been and see what ideas there are for you to explore. Then, let your adventurous side take over and don’t hesitate to act fast. Spontaneity is your key to getting your dreams to happen.

Ask The Astrosexologist: Pisces Wants To Get Sag — Who Treats Her Like Crap — Back

Up until a few months ago, I thought it was fine and that this guy I’ve been seeing liked me a lot, but it’s clear he doesn’t. I’ve listened to his awful stories about how he suffered child abuse, stuff about his mom, his depression, his asexuality and all this horrible stuff he went through. I think I’ve been very sympathetic and encouraging towards him, but all the while he’s been going to strip clubs and on every dating site he can find, like he’s hoping he’ll find somebody better. I didn’t say anything, but my feelings were hurt.

Then he told me on scale of 1 to 10, I’m a 4.5 to 5.5 and that while he usually dates girls in the 4 to 6 range, he aims for the 6, which I thought was really mean and after that I kind of went psycho and started telling him every thing I’ve been holding in for the last year and a half. I got really mean and awful. I know it wasn’t smart, but I couldn’t help it. Now he won’t even talk to me at all and I go from being really angry to being really depressed and wanting him to pay attention to me again. Anyway, I don’t know if I should just give up on him altogether or if I should try being nice all over again? I’m pretty sure he’s going to tell me he doesn’t want anything to do with me. I’m a Pisces. He’s a Sagittarius. – Torn

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Decode My Dream: My Eyeball Came Out!

I had a dream the other night where I was standing in front of a mirror and I felt like I had something in my left eye. So, I started digging around in my eyeball and popped off the casing of my entire eyeball like it was a contact lens or something. I could still see perfectly it just looked like my left eye was completely white. When it came off if looked like an emptied out cow eyeball like I dissected in middle school. It was really dirty inside, so I started cleaning it out with soap and water until the water inside ran clear. Then I panicked for a moment, not knowing how to get the casing back on my eyeball. I took a deep breath, I was kind of grossed out, and I shoved it back in and my eye was back to normal. What does this mean? – One-eyed lady

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For The Week Of May 31-June 6, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

What isn’t on your agenda this week will be what rivets your mind and body. Expect surprise twists and turns to pop at you, bringing along a gaggle of laughs, thrills and unnerving curiosities. While all answers won’t be on the table for full examination, know this page-turner is worth the full read at a slower pace.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

It’ll feel a million times harder to concentrate on what you want, as your honey’s demands are going to take up all the extra space in your head. What you have to remember is to shake this one-track mind, this thinking that you have to serve without prioritizing yourself. Not to say you have to freak out, but set limits and remind your baby you aren’t his/her mother!

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Forget controlling anything — it’s not in your realm of possibilities. Routines are going to change and new people will come around that you’ll have to sort out a connection with. While this week will feel far from sexy, it won’t be a total letdown, as long as you keep the right attitude. Sure, not the most exciting thing to hear, but at least not the worst either.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Hit the sex shop and go for a shopping spree! You win the prize for having the sexiest aspects this week, so put your legs up in the air and shout, “Oooh-ahhh.” Yes, there is no wrong; all will feel right. Your baby will be opening up himself/herself in a way you never quite expected, turning a mound of epiphanies into a hot bed of delight. Enjoy!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

If you are still feeling confused by your sweetie, then hit up secret sources. Amid the confusion, there is bound to be a trusted ally among his/her friends who can help you with the insight you need. Just keep it on the down-low and be casual. You don’t want to send out mixed messages; they can spark the wrong type of interest in return.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Be careful of whom you give your attention to this week, as you might wind up with a lovesick puppy that’s hard to shake. Not that the ego stroking won’t feel good, but this little pest won’t be so innocent and could throw major monkey wrenches into your life. Unfortunately, not everyone is playing with a full set of screws.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

You have so much that you can’t lose now, but only if you wield your power with some chutzpah! Don’t be scared to spell out what you want, when you want it and how you want it. Sure, there is a language barrier that you will have to break down, but the force is with you. If you make it clear, it will happen. Control it; own it and it shall be yours!

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Confrontation is something you don’t like to do on another’s terms, but when the battle begins, your best will come out, because that is when you get to truly defend what you believe in. So, as crazy tidbits of info roll in, expect to feel like you have to rage against that machine. But whatever the results, know the fury coming forth from you will be hot as hell and those who matter will get it.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Time to dim the lights and focus on your honey. Celebrate the fact that besides being hot boning buddies, you actually do have a fabulous friendship that is the foundation of it all and that your bond is something most would kill for. Express yourself and share; this is your time to really take the mental, emotional and physical bonds to a whole new level of satisfaction.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

It might be harder to get your point across these days, as it might seem as if so-and-so isn’t picking up clues fast enough. Not to say you have to do anything more, but have you ever considered that so-and-so isn’t capable of picking up info at that level? Not to say it’s a dealbreaker per se, but it might be a red flag.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You will be privy to insider information that could change up the scene of your love life. While the source of this insight might be questionable, trust your gut with whether you see it as right or wrong. No matter, the dialogues it will spark will set a whole new strategy for you and from there, it’s anyone’s game.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

You should be seeing results for all your efforts, as the love you share is the love you should be relishing in now. If things are not looking that way, then realize the cosmic timeline has run its course and there is not much you can do but get off the sinking ship. The wheels are turning and cycles are changing, and if you don’t want egg on your face, jump now.

Ask The Astrosexologist: “Is Now The Right Time To Start A Romance With My Best Friend?”

My best friend and I live on opposite ends of the country. A year and a half ago we admitted there were intense feelings between us that we wanted to explore in the future. We decided that we could still see other people, but essentially promised each other that something would blossom between us at some point. Just as we were deciding this, I met a man that I’d eventually move in with after a short time. My best friend knew about the guy, but when I told him I had decided to move in with this guy he, rightfully so, was heartbroken. After some time I realized that this new guy was not right for me and broke things off with him. Thankfully, my best friend, a Virgo, understands my intense impulsiveness, as a Sagittarius, and has subsequently forgiven me for putting him through an emotional roller coaster, as we both came out alive.

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In Bed With … Leonardo DiCaprio

VITAL STATS
Born:
November 11, 1974, at 2:47 AM in Los Angeles, CA
Sun Sign: Scorpio
Ascendant: Libra
Moon: Libra
Mercury: Libra
Venus: Scorpio
Mars: Scorpio

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For The Week Of May 24-30, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Whatever skeletons you are hiding in your closet or in your baby’s are going to suddenly come out soon, making a twist in events so big and bold that you might need a vacation to give yourself the space and calm to comprehend it all. No matter what the news though, the flipped switch is only a small sign of bigger things to come.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Something involving your relationship, as in your approach or perhaps your feelings, is going to be going though an overhaul. Perhaps this is the time shacking up won’t be enough and it’s time to put a ring on it, or perhaps you’ll see you aren’t with the right person. Not to say this will happen overnight, but the hints of change may start to creep into your mind this week.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

Admit it: you’re fed up and you don’t think you can take it anymore. Boredom is eating you alive and you’re not sure where to go with it all at this point. If this is where you are at right now, then no worries! New happenings are starting to stir behind closed doors and, whether you believe it or not, something big is underway and coming for you soon.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Forget trying to analyze anything too much, because when it comes down to what opportunities are best for you, it’ll be the ones that come on the fly and from the strangest places. Don’t make too many quick assumptions with anything new that comes into your life this week, because it’ll slowly unravel a story that might just have the happy ending you’ve been wishing for!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Don’t try to fight the aggression that’ll come flying at you this week. Best to let it air itself out and then deal with it when it settles, because trying to confront it head-on will cause a major explosion, which will make the drama blow up way more disproportionately than it has to. Who has time for all that trauma? Don’t make it you!

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

You’ll find your mouth shooting off in all directions, shocking even you with some of the things that will come out. Whatever the case, you can’t take anything back once you say it, so prepare for your subconscious to be taking over and getting whatever needs to be said out in the open for all to hear. Don’t worry; this will be a good thing.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

Your emotions will be jumping all over the place and the only way you can ground yourself this week is for you to just think about you. Take that time-out and pamper yourself like crazy. Hit the spa, get a haircut, and go buy some clothes, whatever it takes to make you feel like a trophy, because sometimes throwing money at a problem is the best solution.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

A change in routines is underway and it’s time to recalibrate other aspects of your life. It seems a pecking order will start to fall in place and where your priorities lay isn’t actually where you think they should be. Whatever, no one appreciates a good shock as much as you. So, as life unravels, get ready for some more exciting cliffhangers.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

An alternate reality is going to come to light, revealing who around you is nuts and who actually has something important to offer—thankfully, this will help you to ease up on responsibilities you think you should carry. While this might initially make you feel insane, as in loony bin insane, stick to your gut on your revelations. It’ll be you who is right; those others are wrong.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

A quirky turn is coming for your social life and it may make your love life go a bit haywire. Whether it’s your honey getting critical of whom you are hanging with or your pals telling you unsavory things about your relationship, there is going to be a slightly confrontational tone in your life this week. Be ready for opinion overload.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

You can’t always count on so-and-so acting on behalf of your best interest. This week, you have to be in it for yourself if you want to see anything you want come through. Even if your demands a small ones, speak out and break out that inner warrior to get what you want. If anything, this will only make it 10,000 times more delicious when you get it.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Take charge and break out of the beaten path you have been on. Now is your time to take chances and go with your gut, even at the most extreme moments. Right now the odds of being that one in a million are on your side. And unless you activate that opportunity, you may never know what it may mean and what it will bring.

Ask The Astrosexologist: Cancer Hopes For Future With Manipulative Virgo

My guy’s birthday is 9/16 and mine is 6/23. We dated for five months when he was living in my town for work. He asked me to move with him to his town and I agreed. Shortly after moving, he became distant. After a year, he broke up with me and I moved back to my hometown. Five months later, we began to see each other on occasion and I’d spend nights. Everything was wonderful, as it was in the beginning. Last month, I saw a profile he had online, which said, “…not looking for a bulls**t partner for life.” I was devastated. I thought we were working on building a new foundation. He said he felt used and that there were things in me that he didn’t want to be around for the rest of his life. This is the first time he has said anything about our breakup. Yes, he is right, I am emotionally insecure at times, but also very loving. I miss him so much and have apologized for my mistakes. He said he was done. Do you see us getting back together? How and when should I approach him again? – Lost in Michigan

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For The Week Of May 17-23, 2010

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

Your status is on the rise. Now is going to mark the start of a brand-new level of career success, which could have you reprioritizing your life and resetting standards in your love life. As it goes, you’ll need way more than what you have been getting, but don’t worry, things will start to organically move in that direction if you just trust in the universe and yourself.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

Talk is cheap, so pay attention to the actions of your crush du jour. Not to say things are bad, but it seems he or she isn’t the most articulate person in the world and you’ll get their message in a more non-linear way. Not to say you have to crack your brain deciphering the codes, but realize it’ll be your eyes, not your ears, which will get you the answers you seek right now.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

A twist in your sex life is coming, throwing you into a hot new obsession that you won’t easily be able to wrap your brain around. Lucky for you though, for now, all you will need to do is wrap your legs around it and hold tight. Thinking too deep will be a buzz kill — it’s too soon to really think anything.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

Flip the switch and let your baby get into the driver’s seat. Seems they’re filled with all sorts of fun and fabulous ideas, but it’ll take some encouraging getting them to take the lead. You can’t always be the one calling the shots. Unless you take the chance to see what they’ve truly got, how will you ever really know what pleasures you could have?

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

Your emotional state will reach a new balance that will have you feeling OK with whatever situation you find yourself in. Call it a rest, a truce or whatever, but do take advantage, as this is a fab time to sort your life and get that organization you crave. It’ll be the somewhat quiet things in life that you’ll know how to cherish now.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

Take chances and put it on the line. Whatever you are feeling, this is the time to go out on the farthest limb and test the fates. Traveling at full speed absurd will be the only way for you to get into the right groove that will put you in line with the universe, to savor the flavors that will be ambrosia for your body and brain.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

When it comes to getting the action you need to truly be satisfied, you are going to have to travel to a mystical place. This could literally mean packing up and getting out of the country — which would be the most optimum choice. But for those living a more practical life, venturing to new turf might be your ticket to someone and something that’ll quench your thirst.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

You don’t have to be wild and crazy all the time. This week, to get into the swing of things, slow down and take it behind closed doors. Time to cuddle up with your honey, indulge in long conversations, and do the more private things of love. Bringing the relationship back to the more intimate side will be like falling in love all over again!

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

Your patience can only last so long before curiosity gets the better of you, and this week is when you won’t be able to take it anymore. Words, emotions and all sorts of descriptive suggestions will pop out of you, throwing you into quite a tizzy. The fab news, though: it’ll feel better than you could have imagined, for you and that certain someone.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

You’ve never been one to get off on following the beaten path — it’s being curious that gets you off. So, as a mysterious rebel love heats up your loins, don’t be scared to run off into the wild unknown and discover a new side to that other. You’ll most likely learn the softest spots are hidden under the hardest veneers.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

Your quest for the perfect love is your defense, because when it comes down to just feeling the magic, you know you’ll drop your guard at the drop of a hat. This week, expect inspiration to hit you in all the craziest ways, forcing you to get off the defensive and hop over to the offensive. Seems you’ll find the view from the top to your liking.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

Remember, birds of a feather flock together, so do be extra careful in scrutinizing those who are brought into your social scene this week by your latest honey, as who they are will tell you all you need to know about him. This will definitely confirm your worst fears or your biggest hopes. Either or, knowing will be a relief.

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