I have slept with a fair amount of people. But I’ve orgasmed with only one, the person I was in a long-term relationship with. All of my other sexual encounters have been varying degrees of fun, but have not resulted in the Big O. For me at least — the men I’ve slept with always come. This never comes as a surprise to me. I don’t expect to come from casual sex, while I’m sure every dude I have it with does. As Natalie Kitroeff notes in an article for The New York Times, “in hookups, inequality still reigns.”
Here’s what I’ve noticed over, uh, the last 13 years of having sex. Some guys, even random dudes I’ve brought home from bars, are really, really into getting women off. But most of them are driven by their own egos. “Every girl I’ve ever been with has come” is something I’ve heard more than a few times from guys who just won’t stop until they’re sure you’ve reached their idea of satisfaction — orgasm. I’ve been known to fake it with these men, because it’s just so much easier than explaining to a relative stranger “I just can’t orgasm unless I am really, really, really in the right mood and there are no distractions and I’m 1000 percent relaxed and my OCD/ADD isn’t acting up. Also you have to be licking my pussy just right and it also helps if I use my vibrator while you’re fucking me, but even then it just might not happen. Don’t take it personally, I’m still having a great time!” I have given a few dudes the short version of that explanation and they all looked at me like I just killed their puppy. Keep reading »
There he is. Your eyes meet. The butterflies in your stomach are loud enough for the entire room to hear. Your palms moisten and your palpitating heart seems to want to beat out of your chest. You muster up the courage to walk to him, but someone has you beat.
Think quick. You make a detour to the bathroom, as to not draw too much attention to yourself. Who was that girl? It doesn’t matter anyway, right? The two of you only casually hookup.
Friends with benefits, hooking up, whatever you decide to call it — gets messy. Sure, you get the “buddy and the boo,” but tippy toeing around those invisible boundaries of “Am I wrong for feeling this way?” gets old. A casual relationship doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have a clear division of what you’re willing to accept. Read more at College Candy…
According to New York magazine, sexually active hetero women in their 20s and 30s are heretofore dubbed the “pullout generation.” We’ve earned this moniker because, for various reasons, we’ve turned up our noses at “conventional forms of birth control,” from the the Pill to condoms, and started relying on the withdrawal method to avoid pregnancy. The article suggests some of the reasons why we are shunning BC — from noxious side effects of the Pill, to prohibitive costs, to pressure from men not to use condoms, to putting more focus on our sexual pleasure — but the more troubling part, perhaps, is that we’re “reluctant to admit [it], even after a few cocktails.”
I will attest to this. I only use the pullout method, but am loathe to say so to my Pill loyalist friends or my gyno, who I’m convinced will give me a finger-wagging lecture. I’m in my 30s! While I’m not actively looking to be a parent right this minute, an unplanned pregnancy also would not ruin my life. There seems to be this pervasive idea that it’s ignorant or irresponsible not to use conventional birth control. After all, you’re relying on someone else to act swiftly. Keep reading »
For a long time, eyebrow-arching and pearl-clutching over “hookup culture” has focused on young women: they will feel used by young men and come to believe they can only derive value in themselves from their sexuality. Such concerns have been roundly and fairly criticizing as portraying young women as victims lacking in agency, or worse, in need of a paternalistic watchful eye.
There has been less of a focus on how hookup culture affects young men. According to a piece by the usually-spot-on journalist Abigail Pesta, writing for NBCnews.com, there is “an increasing confusion among boys about how to behave” and experts say “boys who engage in this kind of sexualized behavior say they have no intention to be hostile or demeaning — precisely the opposite. While they admit they are pushing limits, they also think they are simply courting.”
Oh dear. Keep reading »