Tag Archives: hooking up

Dater X: 10 Red Flags & Warning Signs That I Look For When I’m Dating

Dater X: 10 Red Flags And Warning Signs That I Look For When I'm Dating

Every new relationship comes with its own bag of possibilities and pitfalls. We approach new romance hopefully, keeping our eyes peeled for warning signs and red flags that might tip us off about a character flaw or mismatch, and determine an outcome accordingly. But everybody’s past is different, and depending on what you want and need from a relationship, what might be a red flag to one person might not be a red flag to others.

I’ve noticed a recurring theme in the comments on Dater X about what may or may not be red flags in my dating adventures. One commenter wrote “Dater X seems to have a huge problem reading between the lines,” while another said, “It’s becoming pretty clear that something is off in her dating choices.” Do I? Is it? Yeah, I’m going to disagree with you there. I know exactly what I’m looking for and what to be worried about. What I’m not doing is making snap judgments about someone’s character or our potential compatibility based on one thing that’s said or done. What I might see as a no-harm difference in personalities might make you say run as fast as you fucking can. So what exactly are the warning signs that I look for in a new partner? Allow me to explain… Keep reading »

Dater XY: How To Deal With Dating Fatigue

Dater XY: How To Deal With Dating Fatigue

Dating. It’s a hard knock life.

You start out excited about the possibilities and hit the ground running. This excitement eventually fades to fatigue as you continue to go out with new individuals with the same result, time after time. Once you get to this point, it’s important to take a timeout and rejuvenate. If you don’t, you’ll end up either A) going out with someone you know you’re not compatible with or B) meet someone who’s a great match, but be unwilling to put in the effort to make a relationship work.

This is where I am at right now. I’m tired of having the same conversations about likes/dislikes. I’m tired of not seeing some of my friends as much as I’d like to (my fault there and no one else’s). Tired of attempting to come up with unique date ideas. Hell, I’m tired of spending money. This is not a good place to be in while dating. Keep reading »

Dater X: On “Transparency Sex” & What’s Different This Time Around

Dater X: On "Transparency Sex" & What's Different This Time Around

To me, sex is much more than just a biological need. Humanity relies on sex for procreation, but the vast majority of the world also turns to sex for pleasure and release. Some people have sex simply to fulfill their physical needs, others see it as a sacred act that should only be shared between people who love each other, and some, like myself, think sex can mean different things with different people in different situations. Sometimes, it doesn’t really even “mean” anything— it’s just … had. I’ve had great sex many times in my life, with no experience feeling or meaning the same. So what exactly makes my idea of “amazing, mind-blowing” sex so amazing and mind-blowing? There’s much more to it than simply getting off. And with Baby Face, that’s been the case. Keep reading »

Dater XY: The Post-Sex Guilt Date

Dater XY: The Post-Sex Guilt Date

A woman I’ll call The Chewer (it’ll make sense soon) and I first messaged each other shortly after things ended with The Teacher over a two months ago. We hit it off as she was about to relocate to my town, and had attended the same university. We decided to meet for drinks after she finally moved up and got settled in. Before we got to that point though, I started going out with a few other women and wanted to see where these potential relationships went. I messaged The Chewer and she thanked me for my honesty and I went about my way.

As it turned out, most of these dates were ho-hum and never amounted to much of anything. I did briefly hit it off with The Marathoner but that ended as quickly as it started. So, my schedule suddenly freed up, I decided to message The Chewer to see if she was still interested in getting a drink. She was so we planned to meet after work two weeks ago (shortly before I went out with The Lawyer). Keep reading »

Goats In Lust: They’re Just Like Us!

Goats In Lust: They're Just Like Us!

We’d all like to think we’ve evolved way past our animal antecedents, having transcended the baser survival instincts that propelled us from the primordial ooze to this moment. These very instincts have been variously invoked by relationship experts, who will one day have us believing that we’re not that different from our mammalian brethren and the next consoling us with the alleged ocean that exists between our higher selves and our need-driven beast counterparts.

All that stuff about how men can’t be expected to be faithful because they’re programmed to spread their seed much like our ape ancestors did … I mean who the fuck knows? Seems like a pretty convenient theory that leaves out a lot of female agency.  I’m hardly an expert in matters of love, human evolution or animal psychology, but I did recently begin a new career in goat husbandry, and if my weeks inside a barn witnessing the aforementioned ruminants breed is any indication, we’re really not so far off from our quadripedular (not a word but it stays) friends. Here are some things that I found eerily familiar in simultaneously distressing and comforting ways. Being that I’m totally objective and trained in these matters, I will say authoritatively that these observations basically reaffirmed my suspicion that dudes are by and large totally addled idiots when fueled by lust, and that sex makes bitches act cray. Highly scientific stuff. I’m probably going to be awarded an honorary degree from somewhere any minute. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 10 Places To Have Sex, Ranked From Best To Worst

Dating Don'ts: 10 Places To Have Sex, Ranked From Best To Worst

Most people have sex in the pedestrian enclaves of their bedroom, on a Wednesday night, after prime-time television but before “The Daily Show.” It’s a simple affair, but it’s beautiful, because it works. The bedroom is a safe space with ALL the creature comforts you want when you’re doing it: clean sheets, water in plentiful abundance, all the lube you’d ever need, and at the end of everything, a bathroom you can scurry to when the deed is done so you don’t get a bladder or yeast infection. For most, this kind of sexual adventurousness is fine. There are some, however, that comb this earth, armed with a sexual bucket list, intent on doing it in any space two people can feasibly fit. If you find yourself with one of these sexual Lewis and Clarks, be prepared. Arm yourself with this list of places to have sex, ranked from best to worst, and be ready to face whatever challenge they’ve got in mind head on. Keep reading »

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