Tag Archives: hooking up

Dater XY: The Post-Sex Guilt Date

Dater XY: The Post-Sex Guilt Date

A woman I’ll call The Chewer (it’ll make sense soon) and I first messaged each other shortly after things ended with The Teacher over a two months ago. We hit it off as she was about to relocate to my town, and had attended the same university. We decided to meet for drinks after she finally moved up and got settled in. Before we got to that point though, I started going out with a few other women and wanted to see where these potential relationships went. I messaged The Chewer and she thanked me for my honesty and I went about my way.

As it turned out, most of these dates were ho-hum and never amounted to much of anything. I did briefly hit it off with The Marathoner but that ended as quickly as it started. So, my schedule suddenly freed up, I decided to message The Chewer to see if she was still interested in getting a drink. She was so we planned to meet after work two weeks ago (shortly before I went out with The Lawyer). Keep reading »

Goats In Lust: They’re Just Like Us!

Goats In Lust: They're Just Like Us!

We’d all like to think we’ve evolved way past our animal antecedents, having transcended the baser survival instincts that propelled us from the primordial ooze to this moment. These very instincts have been variously invoked by relationship experts, who will one day have us believing that we’re not that different from our mammalian brethren and the next consoling us with the alleged ocean that exists between our higher selves and our need-driven beast counterparts.

All that stuff about how men can’t be expected to be faithful because they’re programmed to spread their seed much like our ape ancestors did … I mean who the fuck knows? Seems like a pretty convenient theory that leaves out a lot of female agency.  I’m hardly an expert in matters of love, human evolution or animal psychology, but I did recently begin a new career in goat husbandry, and if my weeks inside a barn witnessing the aforementioned ruminants breed is any indication, we’re really not so far off from our quadripedular (not a word but it stays) friends. Here are some things that I found eerily familiar in simultaneously distressing and comforting ways. Being that I’m totally objective and trained in these matters, I will say authoritatively that these observations basically reaffirmed my suspicion that dudes are by and large totally addled idiots when fueled by lust, and that sex makes bitches act cray. Highly scientific stuff. I’m probably going to be awarded an honorary degree from somewhere any minute. Keep reading »

Dating Don’ts: 10 Places To Have Sex, Ranked From Best To Worst

Dating Don'ts: 10 Places To Have Sex, Ranked From Best To Worst

Most people have sex in the pedestrian enclaves of their bedroom, on a Wednesday night, after prime-time television but before “The Daily Show.” It’s a simple affair, but it’s beautiful, because it works. The bedroom is a safe space with ALL the creature comforts you want when you’re doing it: clean sheets, water in plentiful abundance, all the lube you’d ever need, and at the end of everything, a bathroom you can scurry to when the deed is done so you don’t get a bladder or yeast infection. For most, this kind of sexual adventurousness is fine. There are some, however, that comb this earth, armed with a sexual bucket list, intent on doing it in any space two people can feasibly fit. If you find yourself with one of these sexual Lewis and Clarks, be prepared. Arm yourself with this list of places to have sex, ranked from best to worst, and be ready to face whatever challenge they’ve got in mind head on. Keep reading »

Dater X: The Best Sex Of My Life

Dater X: The Best Sex Of My Life

Excuse me while I wander around the lovely landscape of cloud nine, because I had the best sex of my life this weekend and I’m still up here enjoying the high.

So, let’s bring it back a week. After my grandma passed away, my communications with Baby Face became more and more frequent. Before our date/catchup/death dinner we’d text each other a few times a day to flirt and shoot the shit, but since then things have certainly accelerated. We chat in the morning on our commutes in to work, briefly throughout the day via text, and almost always in the evening before bed (sometimes there’s even an actual phone call, which I love). Mid-last week, Baby Face asked me if I wanted to go out with him and a couple of our old college friends on Friday night after work, but I’d already made plans with some of my girlfriends. We decided to compromise and hang out with our respective pals individually, and then meet up later in the night, with or without the others. Keep reading »

13 People Confess Their Thoughts On Using Smartphones During Sex

13 People Confess Their Thoughts On Using Smartphones During Sex

Remember that episode from the first season of “Sex and the City” (which, go back and watch sometime, because the first season of that show was pretty special) when Miranda called her ex Skipper and he picked up while he was having sex with his new girlfriend? (And then he broke up with the new girlfriend because he missed Miranda, while he was “still inside” the other chick? I have this show way too memorized.) Anyway, I remember watching that scene and being like, WHO THE HELL picks up or uses their phone during sex? Um, apparently a lot of people, if this bunch of confessions from Whisper are any indication… Keep reading »

Dater X: I Think I’m Ready For A Friend With Benefits

Dater X: Considering A Friend With Benefits
FGSG: Fuck Buddies!
Six rules for successful fuck buddy relationship... Read More »

I’ve had a high sex drive since I was a teenager. Over the last 14 years, whether single or coupled up, I’ve been fortunate enough to never really go ‘sexless.’ In relationships— whether they last three months or three years— my libido generally maintains the momentum of that of the Energizer Bunny. I certainly don’t have a sex addiction, but it’s safe to say I am, and always have been, a pleasure enthusiast. So, when I’m single, that desire remains the same, but I tend to get my O’s from the sex toys that reside in a toolbox under my bed, as opposed to an actual human being. I think it might be time to change that. Keep reading »

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