The results of Ask Men’s 2013 Great Male Survey are in, and as always, it’s fun to pour over the details of what the “average, American man” really thinks about stuff like the institution of marriage, pre-stalking dates, anal sex, and, of course, penis size. Sigh. Penises always seem make it on the survey. After the jump, we fill you in on what what’s in vogue for guys to lie about and what they’re being honest about according to the survey results — some of which might surprise you. Keep reading »
I’ve always assumed that my dream celebrity boyfriend Ryan Gosling was packing, but this deleted scene from “The Place Beyond The Pines” offers definitive proof. In the scene, Gosling’s character Luke is hauled off to jail and told to strip down to his (tight, blue) skivvies (that happens around the 2:30 mark). Bulge alert. Oh and why not just share a GIF too? That’s after the jump… [Total Film] Keep reading »
Meet our friend Tom. He’s a married guy with tons of relationship experience, and a skilled advice giver who’s here to answer all your pressing sex, dating and relationship questions. Have a query for Tom? Email it to firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll make sure he gets it! All questions will be posted anonymously, unless otherwise requested.
I’ve been dating my girlfriend for a year. I love her a whole bunch, but the glaring hole in our relationship is our sex life. We started off having sex almost every time we saw each other. Now, sex has become this very sad, mechanical practice that occurs very seldom. Keep reading »
We’re Breaking Up: Josh Marks, “MasterChef” Contestant Who Claimed His Soul Was Possessed By Gordon Ramsay
I know it’s been a hard year for you, since you came in second in last season on “MasterChef.” Look, the truth was, no matter how perfect your dark chocolate soufflé was (and it was pretty damn perfect … Graham Elliot looked like he was mouth-fucking it), you never stood a chance of beating Christine Ha. A blind chef who cooks like an angel? Come on. Book deal gold. And you, just a 7′ 2″ college basketball player with a passion for food. It’s a good story, but not good enough, even though your final meal was better than Christine’s.
Josh, I know it’s been hard for you to accept your loss. I thought you were going through a hard time. I’ve noticed that you’ve been sullen and withdrawn, more erratic than ever. But clearly, I didn’t realize how bad things were. It was wrong of me not to force you to get help before it was too late. Keep reading »
I saw this Instagram photo of a certain boy band member and was like, shut the front door that’s what his body looks like oh my god. Any guesses as to who is rocking this cut physique? Meet my new pretend boyfriend after the jump! Keep reading »
To explain to an audience who knows nothing about me: I have dated horrible people. Horrible, just awful. I’ve been cheated on more times than I can count, gotten yelled at once for being sick, and have thrown away more money than I wish to admit trying to repair each and every one of these doomed relationships.
If we’re going to get technical about it, then yes, I can say I have a type that I’m attracted to. Because I’m kind of a loser, I’ve made a list of every girl I’ve kissed, slept with, dated, and loved. There are roughly 15. Hooray for me, right? Out of these 15, ten have been brunettes. Typically under 5’6’’, usually with bangs, always the type of person who would be considered “cute.” Out of those 10, I’ve been in love with seven. Of those seven, four have come from broken homes, enjoyed punk rock, and lost their shit at the drop of a pin. Out of those four, three of them had the middle name Jean. That’s the weirdest part to me, albeit a coincidence, but weird nonetheless. Also of interest to me are the wildcards who don’t quite fit into, um, any categories at all. Out of those wildcards, there were four outliers who made quite an impression on me. They were as follows… Keep reading »
This week’s Anthony Weiner dick pic scandal — part two! — reminded me of this hilarious column written by our dear Mind of Man, John DeVore. Let’s learn, from an actual man, why dudes like to send pictures of their penises. — Amelia
Men send pictures of their penises because we want the world, or the person we love, or the person we love that week, to know that we have penises. We tell ourselves it’s to make women hot and bothered, but the truth is, those pictures just make us swell … with pride. If it wasn’t aberrant behavior, we’d hang pics of our red hot on the refrigerator door like a blue ribbon from the school science fair.
I have sent one picture of my wang to one woman. We were flirting over text, and she dared me, and so I took the picture. Considering I didn’t have time to properly light my apartment, I think the photo of el generalissimo was pretty good. I framed the shot well. I mean, it was no Mapplethorpe, but it wasn’t your average Craigslist wang portrait, where all penises look like they’re attached to an aspiring sexual predator. I sent the pic as a joke, because the request was a joke. She thought the picture was funny. She thought the entire exchange between us was very funny. Too funny. It wasn’t that funny, lady. I sent a picture of my jangly-gangly as a joke, but a little awe wouldn’t have hurt. After all, while it wasn’t a serious text, I still unleashed the kraken. Keep reading »
One of the weirdest, most awkward parts of a relationship is knowing how to react when the other reaches their limit and shoots a geyser of saline out of their eyeholes. At least it is for men — I obviously can’t speak for women because of all this dong. But it seems to me that women are just as baffled at a man’s lack of knowledge on how to react in those moments, as men are when a woman has them.
I can’t fix that. Hell, I don’t know if anyone can … but I can at least explain why we turn into drooling dipshits when we see you crying. Read more on Cracked…
Women have always been into men with enough backside to hold their pants up (no pancake ass!), but apparently, it’s becoming trendy for men to have some junk in the trunk because they want it. And when I say junk, I mean, they are literally getting fat sucked out of other places and injected in their butts.
Jeff Vickers, a man who’s “always had a nonexistent butt,” was featured in a New York Times Style section piece about the surging popularity of man booty. Vickers, a 46-year-old father of four, was so unhappy with his flat ass that he went to a plastic surgeon to try to plump his rump (sorry, I had to). “I’m not a girl so I’m not worried about having a table back there you could sit a coffee cup on … I just wanted to be able to put on a pair of pants and for them to stay up.” Ultimately, Vickers concluded: “The only way to pump up your derrière is with your wallet.” Keep reading »