I feel pretty good about my path toward a forever-partner. I dated a lot of guys, had numerous long- and longish-term relationships and a lot of premarital sex. I don’t believe that marriage is “the end” of your emotional or sexual growth as a woman, but I’m also glad I did everything I wanted to do as a single gal. That plan might not be right for everyone, but it was right for me. I’m happier than I’ve ever been and I have no regrets!
I knew that my husband was the right partner for me when we decided to get married. A particular joy of being newlyweds, though, is that I discover new reasons all the time. But there’s been another happy surprise, too. Settling into each other has also been hugely clarifying for me about men I’ve dated and even loved in the past. It’s almost like having a fresh pair of eyes to look at myself and mistakes I made. Truly, being with the right guy has taught me so many things in retrospect about the wrong ones.
Here are six bits of relationship wisdom that my married self would like to tell my single self (if she would able to read the Future Frisky and learn a few things):
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We’ve been kinda down on public marriage proposals recently, but turns out there is one major exception: when 16 pugs are involved. A London man wanted to propose to his girlfriend on a recent trip to New York City, but he didn’t want to go it alone, so he contacted the NYC Pug Meetup Group to ask for backup. The group responded with 16 pugs adorned with heart-shaped balloons, who happily pranced around the couple while he popped the question. Needless to say, she said “yes.” [People]
Getting married is a series of capitulations. I got married three weeks ago (and I swear to God I will write about other topics soon, really), so I know this for a fact. Thinking that you can have wedding that is 100 percent a reflection of all of your values all of the time — to say nothing of your partner’s values — is naive. Weddings involve capitulations to your family and his/hers. Weddings involve capitulations to your bridal party and/or friends. Weddings involve capitulations to societal tradition, family tradition or religious tradition. For plenty of people, weddings are a capitulation to our consumer-driven, “keeping up with the Joneses” (or in this case, “the David Tuteras”) society. Like anything else in life, you will negotiate some of your values that previously were very strongly held. The difference is that with a wedding, your values take an outsized importance because it feels like you’re supposed to take a stand — possibly the biggest stand you’ll ever take in your life, even. Keep reading »
“It was so amazing to be proposed to on live TV! … I had no idea the “interview” was actually a planned, surprise on-air proposal, hence my shock. The element of surprise did prevail and it was the happiest moment ever! I really could not have asked for anything more. … I am unhappy about the recent backlash that was received from my on-air engagement to Chirag [Shah]. He does not deserve to be labeled self-centered on feminist websites like Jezebel critiquing the entire experience when he is the most thoughtful person I know. I am moved by the beautiful proposal he arranged out of a genuine intention to make me happy. All of my close friends and family members cried when they saw it because of how sweet it was. My time on the show was never supposed to be about my work as it was about a proposal Chirag wanted to surprise me with on our four-year anniversary. … It was disappointing for people to apply their own lens and cultural biases to interpret that I was pissed off and upset about not getting to speak about my work.”
Last week, the Internet cringed when a woman named Simone Jhingoor appeared on “The Today Show” and began to speak about her non-profit Women’s Housing and Economic Development Corporation … only to be awkwardly interrupted by her boyfriend, Chirag Shah, who proceeded to tell her she wasn’t on the show to talk about her job, she was there because he wanted to propose! As Jhingoor clenched uncomfortably, looking irritated, her boyfriend literally grabbed the microphone from Al Roker and asked her to marry him on live TV. It’s not that the intended sentiment wasn’t sweet; it was that the execution means when you search “awkward marriage proposal,” theirs comes up on the first page of Google.
Shah immediately got bopped for duping his now-fiancee into thinking she’d be speaking about a very worthy cause, as well as proposing on live television to someone who so clearly seemed uncomfortable with it. But here’s Jhingoor in an interview with YourTango, insisting — methinks a bit too much — that she was thrilled, thrilled about her on-air engagement! Um, not sure we believe you, but okay. I’m not quite sure why she is now saying “my time on the show was never supposed to be about my work,” because it clearly wasn’t — she just thought it was. But whatever, maybe this whole awkward affair actually ended up drawing more attention to her nonprofit in the long run! [YourTango]
I didn’t expect a can-usually-be-counted-on-for-fluff article about marriage in the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times to be so damn depressing. But I suppose that’s a conclusion to be expected when one starts wondering, what’s the point of it all? Keep reading »
One of the exaggerations/white lies I’ve been known to tell more than a few times is that I basically discovered comedian Aziz Ansari, aka Tom Haverford on “Parks and Recreation.” See, back in, like, 2005, I was working at Maxim magazine and one of the pages I edited was the Jokes page. Each issue we spotlighted an up-and-coming comedian and one month, I picked Aziz. I think it was the first bit of big press he got, but I might be making that up, and then after that, it was all dollah dollah bills for Aziz. Anyway, Aziz’s latest project is a Netflix standup comedy special called “Buried Alive,” in which Aziz focuses his funny on issues related to dating and marriage. Above, Aziz, in his typically LOUD FASHION, tackles the absurdity of marriage itself. “Buried Alive” will be available on Netflix on November 1. [via Feministing]