If you are a bride, you pose for a lot of photos.
You pose for photos to announce your engagement. You pose for photos at your bachelorette party. You pose for photos at your shower. You pose for photos with your groom-to-be, and with your best friends, and with your family, and with your parents, and then more with your groom. You pose for a lot of photos by yourself, looking happy.
It’s a good time to be photographed, of course. Most of the time, you won’t be able to stop smiling. You’re about to legally bind yourself to the person you love and want to have sex with forever and ever. And someone’s going to give you a really dope food processor as a wedding gift. What’s not to smile about?
It’s also a time that you, as a bride, will become very, very self-conscious of your body. Because as a bride, everything about how you look is going to be on display. Keep reading »
I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum. Whether it’s what I write about, the clothes I wear, or the choices I’ve made in my career, I’m not one to do things a certain way just because that’s how everyone else does it.
But even I surprised myself when my fiance and I decided to get married and picked a date just five weeks away.
Let me explain: Kale is Australian. I’m American. I have lived in New York City for the better part of 12 years. He took a yearlong sabbatical from his office job in Australia one year ago to come to NYC and pursue standup comedy. Boy met girl. Boy and girl fell in love. Month passed. Boy and girl realized, “Fuck, I don’t want to live my life without you!”
So we’re getting married. And we’re getting married soon. My therapist joked to me that five weeks is more like an “extended elopement.” A little more than a month is not a lot of time to plan a wedding, even a City Hall ceremony like ours. I’ve never been the girl who daydreamed about her wedding colors and her poofy white dress — but even I’ll admit this timeline is kind of crazy.
I’ve never planned a wedding before, or even thrown a really big party before, so it’s really trial by fire. Without further ado, here’s everything I know about how to plan a wedding — in only slightly more time than the gestation period of a rabbit — without going insane. Well … only going a little insane. I hope it applies to brides with more normal wedding planning time frames as well. Keep reading »
It’s a familiar love story: Boy pays $20,000 for a custom leather couch adorned with giant vaginas. Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Girl demands boy get rid of vagina couch. Boy begrudgingly posts vagina couch on Craigslist for $4,000. Sigh. No one ever said marriage was easy. [Huffington Post]
Okay, so we’re not always the biggest fans of public marriage proposals. Sometimes they’re just kinda awkward! And, let’s be real, the lumber aisle of Home Depot sounds like the place where romance goes to die. But three cheers and a lifetime of happiness for Dustin and Spencer, who got engaged following the sweetest choreographed dance proposal to ever rock a big box store. According to Spencer’s YouTube page, Dustin showed up at Home Depot thinking he was helping a roommate run an errand only to find his friends and family performing Betty Who’s “Somebody Loves You” before Spencer got down on one knee. I made it one-and-a-half minutes in before I started crying. How long did you last? [YouTube]
It all started with wedding picks.
I was cruising a wedding decorations website looking for garlands and lanterns when I came across something called “wedding picks.” What are wedding picks, you ask? Unclear. Are they toothpicks that go in your pigs in a blanket at the reception? Doodads for your bridal bouquet? Who knows — they seem oddly all-purpose. And yet the Wedding Industrial Complex has convinced people we need them.
Wedding picks aren’t the only bizarre wedding crap I found online — there’s enough WTF decorations and disconcertingly intimate gifts to make “Platinum Weddings” look tasteful. I poked around a bit and here are the 14 pieces of weird wedding crap that I could find.
Many modern brides can’t imagine planning a wedding without Pinterest. They can gleefully pin every detail of their romantic union, from quirky announcements to wedding hairstyles to retro appetizers to the engraved mason jar favors, but as Lexi Petronis recently mentioned over at Glamour‘s Save The Date blog, wedding photographers are not as excited about Pinterest as most of their clients are; in fact, a growing number of photographers rue the day Pinterest was invented. The reason? Well, it turns out many brides aren’t using Pinterest for wedding photo inspiration, they’re simply sending their photographers links of other people’s wedding photos and saying, “This is exactly what I want.”
And if you’ve ever worked as a photographer or tried to recreate someone else’s photo, you know that attitude can be, well, problematic… Keep reading »
Surprise: not much about my engagement and upcoming wedding will be especially traditional. We’re doing it at City Hall. I’m keeping my last name. I’ll wear a dress that I already own. It won’t be white. We’re not having a rehearsal dinner, or monogrammed “Mr.” and “Mrs.” slippers, or 300 goddamned mason jars covered in doilies.
One wedding tradition that is really important to my fiancé, though, is his bachelor party. “It’s an excuse for a party!” he keeps saying. Kale loves an excuse for party like I love a new baby panda video on YouTube.
Alas, despite offers of a coed bachelor/bachelorette party and all the ideas in the world from my girl friends (movie night! spa day! drinking and dancing!), my enthusiasm meter for my own bachelorette extravaganza ranges from meh to meh. Keep reading »
Congratulations, you’re engaged! You’ve decided to combine sock drawers and let someone use the bathroom after you poop for the rest of your life!
Now, I hope your arms aren’t too full because you’re going to spend the next few weeks holding your tongue. Brides- and grooms-to-be, “Congratulations!” or “I’m so happy for you!” is just too hard to say. I am truly sorry. Brace yourselves from some of these doozies instead. Keep reading »
A woman goes through life with a number of labels that she doesn’t have any control over, either by birth or by society’s imposition. But one label she should get to choose is whether she wants to be someone’s “wife” or not. This should be a right for all of us.
A recent piece on Salon.com by soon-to-be-married author Tracy Clark-Flory about the word “wife” really pissed me off. Clark-Flory wrote about going over the language of her wedding ceremony script with her fiancé and getting to the part that says “I now pronounce you husband and wife.”
Husband? Wife? I could barely conceal my gagging sounds. He said something to the effect of, “Ew, gross.”
It makes me feel like Betty Draper, like I should be fetching his slippers and a scotch on the rocks — and remembering to get the roast bird out of the oven. (In reality, I’ve only just recently expanded my cooking repertoire beyond Kraft mac ‘n’ cheese and things you put in the microwave. He, however, will roast a chicken and make a rustic tart from scratch — all in one night.) I am a daughter, partner and friend — but a wife? I can’t help but imagine saying “I’m his wife” with heavy air quotes, a roll of the eyes or exaggerated feminine cheer.
Clark-Flory then expresses concern that the Middle English/Old English terms for “wife” and “husband” translate, roughly, to “vagina” and “householder.” It’s not that I don’t understand Clark-Flory’s discomfort with both words or their histories (although dredging up the Old English definition? really?). But I’m uneasy with how glib she was about that choice when so many people are scrambling to have the same one. Keep reading »