Tag Archives: getting married

Girl Talk: I Announced My Engagement On Facebook

how was your proposal?
Married ladies--did he propose? How was it? Read More »
Facebook Turn-Offs
These Facebook behaviors turn him off. Read More »
FB Friend Dealbreakers
These infractions will get you unfriended. Read More »

If you asked me two weeks ago, I would have told you that it’s tacky to announce your engagement on Facebook. Facebook is where you discover drunken photos of last night’s debauchery. Where you read status updates on what Sam is having for lunch, the latest internet meme, or what John is listening to on Spotify. Something as meaningful as an engagement should be announced in person or at least over the phone. Doesn’t making an engagement announcement on Facebook cheapen the moment? And of all of my “friends,” how many would really care? The answer? Hundreds. Keep reading »

Hitched: Help Me Platonically Charm The Pants Off My New In-Law Family

In a couple of weeks, I’m going to be living it up in beautiful South Dakota. The occasion: my new grandma-in-law’s octogenarian birthday and combination family reunion. I hear there will be picnics and jet skis involved.

I am petrified.

But Andrea, how can you be petrified when there are jet skis involved, you ask? Well first off, I’m afraid of watercraft, so there’s that. But there’s also the fact that these jet skis belong to my new-in-law family, and what am I supposed to do around these perfectly nice, terrifying people for three whole days in beautiful rural South Dakota? Also, “beautiful rural South Dakota” is a few kinds of redundant, right? Keep reading »

Hitched: How To Get Married Without Being An A**hole

Be A Good Guest
How not to be a terrible presence at your friend's wedding. Read More »

The amazing thing about life is how many complete assholes manage to find someone willing to put up with their bullshit and marry them. When I was a single person, the thing that crushed me the most when I was feeling lonely wasn’t that I thought I’d never find a spouse. It was that Donald Trump did. Three times. Ben Roethlisberger? Totally married. Michele Bachmann! Married to another asshole. Michael Vick? Just spent $300,000 on his wedding this weekend. The “Real Housewives“? They are, by definition, married. I always wonder why self-help books and matchmaker shows bother shaming perfectly nice people into becoming “marriage material” when so many complete shits of human beings didn’t change a thing about themselves and still found love.

Of course, married assholes don’t have to be famous. They can be these assholes, who had a three-day wedding celebration that they made their guests cook and pay for. They could be this asshole, who dumped a bridesmaid because she was fat. Assholes get married all the time; sometimes because they were assholes before they got married. And sometimes the wedding process turns otherwise lovely people into assholes. The whole process is practically designed to do that to people. Keep reading »

The Soapbox: Why I Hate Weddings, Like Really Hate Them, A Lot

Wedding Survival Guide
It's wedding season! Here's how to get through it. Read More »
Single At A Wedding
Three reasons why going to a wedding alone is good for your self-esteem. Read More »
Weddings Are Dumb
Here's 11 reasons weddings are actually pretty stupid. Read More »

I recently stumbled on the video of a bride singing Christina Aguilera’s “The Right Man” while she walked down the aisle, and I reacted so strongly that I startled myself. The video opened up a cavern of emotion that, while I knew it was there, went deeper than I realized. And that emotion was repugnance. To me, this serenade was not an act of love, but an act of vanity. I saw a woman in the midst of a performance that had nothing to do with how she felt about the man she was walking towards and everything to do with a fantasy she’d been playing out in her head since she was a little girl–groom TBD.

But self-aggrandizing brides aside, the bottom line of my repugnance was that I hate weddings. I think they have gotten so out of control that they have become intolerable, and I deeply resent being held hostage to their preposterous demands. For years I’ve faked my joy for brides and brides-to-be both out of respect and fear. I have put on a smile and cooed over dresses, shoes, cakes and flowers, partially because I usually do love the person the bride is when she is not a bride, but also because I am afraid that I will be shunned from the sisterhood if my disdain is discovered. Keep reading »

5 Methods For Surviving Your Younger Sibling’s Wedding When You’re Single

Single At A Wedding
Three reasons why going to a wedding alone is good for your self-esteem. Read More »
Weddings Are Dumb
Here's 11 reasons weddings are actually pretty stupid. Read More »
Bridesmaid = Expensive
Being a bridesmaid drained this woman's bank account. Read More »

This summer, my younger brother is getting married. (I would like, before going any further with this subject, to state in no uncertain terms that I very much like the young lass he’s chosen for his bride.) When he got engaged, I immediately started working on my plan for what I’d do if I were still single when his big day came; as it happens, the Single Older Sister at the Younger Sibling’s Wedding is a rather frequent occurrence.

As luck would have it, I no longer need this plan – but here it is; I can only hope will provide you with the littlest bit of entertainment/assistance, should you need it. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Planning My Lesbian Jewish Wedding

Jewish Matchmaking
WTF comments from an Orthodox Jewish matchmaker. Read More »
Drew Converting?
Drew Barrymore and other celebs who've converted for love. Read More »
Lesbian Vs. Straight Sex
lesbians kissing photo
Lesbian sex changed the writer's definition of "straight sex." Read More »

In my mid-twenties, I came out as a lesbian. But the hardest part wasn’t even coming out: it was realizing my wedding would be different and therefore I was different. It took me a few years to come to terms with the fact that my wedding wouldn’t have a groom or any of the other stuff that goes along with heterosexual weddings.

A few months ago, my girlfriend of three years proposed. A couple of weeks after we got engaged, Chriss told me she was thinking about converting to Judaism.  So as we started planning our wedding, we began attending synagogue together and Chriss enrolled in an Introduction to Judaism class. When we became full-fledged members of our synagogue and reserved the chapel for our wedding it dawned on me: I have no idea what a lesbian Jewish wedding would look like. Keep reading »

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