There’s a lot that I don’t remember from high school. Algebra. Most of the Italian language. But something my high school health teacher said about premarital sex is still embedded in my mind 10 years on.
She said that on our wedding night, when we have sex with our (future) husband or wife, all the other people we’ve slept with would be sleeping alongside us. She meant it figuratively, of course — she was trying to get us to think about promiscuity through the frame of premarital sex being a bad thing. How crowded, she seemed to be asking, did we want our marital bed mattress to be? Keep reading »
I got married on Friday. It is still all so very new that the wedding band on my finger distracts me every five seconds. It feels weird — a blissfully happy weird — to hear the words “my husband” come out of my own mouth.
But it’s never too early, apparently, for people to just go ahead and assume that I took my husband’s last name. Keep reading »
If you are a bride, you pose for a lot of photos.
You pose for photos to announce your engagement. You pose for photos at your bachelorette party. You pose for photos at your shower. You pose for photos with your groom-to-be, and with your best friends, and with your family, and with your parents, and then more with your groom. You pose for a lot of photos by yourself, looking happy.
It’s a good time to be photographed, of course. Most of the time, you won’t be able to stop smiling. You’re about to legally bind yourself to the person you love and want to have sex with forever and ever. And someone’s going to give you a really dope food processor as a wedding gift. What’s not to smile about?
It’s also a time that you, as a bride, will become very, very self-conscious of your body. Because as a bride, everything about how you look is going to be on display. Keep reading »
I’ve always marched to the beat of my own drum. Whether it’s what I write about, the clothes I wear, or the choices I’ve made in my career, I’m not one to do things a certain way just because that’s how everyone else does it.
But even I surprised myself when my fiance and I decided to get married and picked a date just five weeks away.
Let me explain: Kale is Australian. I’m American. I have lived in New York City for the better part of 12 years. He took a yearlong sabbatical from his office job in Australia one year ago to come to NYC and pursue standup comedy. Boy met girl. Boy and girl fell in love. Month passed. Boy and girl realized, “Fuck, I don’t want to live my life without you!”
So we’re getting married. And we’re getting married soon. My therapist joked to me that five weeks is more like an “extended elopement.” A little more than a month is not a lot of time to plan a wedding, even a City Hall ceremony like ours. I’ve never been the girl who daydreamed about her wedding colors and her poofy white dress — but even I’ll admit this timeline is kind of crazy.
I’ve never planned a wedding before, or even thrown a really big party before, so it’s really trial by fire. Without further ado, here’s everything I know about how to plan a wedding — in only slightly more time than the gestation period of a rabbit — without going insane. Well … only going a little insane. I hope it applies to brides with more normal wedding planning time frames as well. Keep reading »
It’s a familiar love story: Boy pays $20,000 for a custom leather couch adorned with giant vaginas. Boy meets girl. Boy marries girl. Girl demands boy get rid of vagina couch. Boy begrudgingly posts vagina couch on Craigslist for $4,000. Sigh. No one ever said marriage was easy. [Huffington Post]