Tag Archives: getting married

Life After Dating: When Your Partner Is Unemployed

life after dating unemployed

Growing up, my parents were able to provide a stable middle-class upbringing for me, my three sisters and my brother. I can understand now how fortunate we were not to worry about hunger, housing, or medical bills. Although my Mom made a point to show us how privileged we were  — I’m from Fairfield County, Connecticut, where the “wealth gap” between rich and poor is top in the nation — I lived securely inside a wealthy suburban bubble in the booming ’90s. As I graduated from high school, went to college and began my working life, I still managed to have financial security, even when the economy tanked in 2008. Some friends, recent college graduates like myself, lost their jobs or just plain could not get hired. But me, I still got to stay inside a safe little bubble.

Then I did something that probably didn’t make sense to some people, especially those from the background that I come from: I married someone who was unemployed Keep reading »

Make It Stop: “My Coworker ‘Negs’ Me On Social Media”

Make It Stop: "My Coworker 'Negs' Me On Social Media"

Make It Stop is a new weekly column in which Anna Goldfarb — the blogger behind Shmitten Kitten and Shlooby Kitten — tells you what’s up. Want a fresh take on a stinky dilemma? Email anna@shmittenkitten.com with the subject “Make It Stop.” She’ll make it all better, or at least make you laugh. Girl Scout’s honor.

First up, we have a woman whose passive aggressive coworker who makes snide remarks on social media:  Keep reading »

Life After Dating: Marriage Has Changed My Relationship To Feminism — And That’s OK

LAD feminism

My husband and I met  and got married all within five months. Kale had been visiting from Australia on a year-long tourist visa when we fell in love. Marrying not only kept us together, but launched us into a lifetime side-by-side. It didn’t really feel like a choice or a decision; it was obvious to both of us what we were going to do. And that means that I put just about zero forethought into what our marriage would “mean” for me as a woman or for us as a couple.

I’d thought about marriage long before I got married, sure. As a little girl I played house, pretending to be married to my teddy bear (his name is Gregory and I still have him). I had a serious relationship in my 20s with a man — Ex-Mr. Jessica — who I’d thought I would marry and have children with. While dating Ex-Mr. J, most of my thinking had been around the work/career balance and justifying to myself how I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, if possible, for a time. However, I hadn’t put too much thought into how the day-to-day drudgery of marriage would go. It seemed so far off. Keep reading »

How Does Marriage Work? In “112 Weddings,” A Wedding Videographer Tries To Explain

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112 weddings
A Wedding Videographer Speaks!

I got married very quickly: we had only been dating for five months. I didn’t doubt that I’d found the man I wanted to spend my life with, but I did feel confused in the weeks and months after we’d gotten hitched what marriage was supposed to mean and if so, how should we make it work? We knew why we got married romantically and we knew why we got married legally — but was that all there was to it? In an upcoming HBO documentary airing on Monday, June 30th, a documentary filmmaker who pays his bills by doing wedding videography, seeks to explain the secrets of wedded bliss. In “112 Weddings,” Doug Block went back and interviewed former clients whose weddings he filmed to check in on how matrimony turned out. Some explain how they’ve kept a relationship alive all this time; others explain how their nuptials lead to divorce. Sounds like a film to watch with the husband, yes?

True Story: I Had My Immigration Interview

true-story-immigration

It has become abundantly clear to me over the past couple of months that people don’t know much about sponsoring someone for immigration. That makes sense, of course, because the majority of us will never do it. But insofar as people do know about the process, they know it involves getting a green card and having “an interview” with immigration officials. While true, but the interview and green card (hopefully) don’t come until the very end of an expensive, months-long process.

As I’ve explained before, sponsoring my husband, Kale, involved filling out a lot of paperwork. He had to do things like get a checkup and we had to gather documentation proving we like together, like bills and a bank account we both are listed on. We also submitted pics  — most of them culled from my at-times cringeworthy Instagram account — of ourselves together since we started dating and from our wedding day. We also had to write affidavits about each other explaining why we wanted to be together and our best friends wrote affidavits for us, too. It wasn’t hard work, but it was a lot to get done, especially for two people who are otherwise occupied being schmoopy newlyweds.   Keep reading »

The Pros And Cons Of A Wedding Vs. An Elopement

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Two years ago, I met my husband  at a Foreigner concert. So far, being married has been amazing … except I have to remind myself to call him my “fiancé.”

Officially, our wedding isn’t until Halloween. See, my husband is an independent contractor and has a physical job, so he needs full coverage due to his high risk of injury. My job provides excellent insurance. Even though the Affordable Care Act dramatically cut his out of pocket costs, we could save another five grand with him on my insurance. It was a no brainer decision – we were getting married, anyway, so we might as well save some money and make it legal sooner.

So, I will experience both eloping and having a big wedding. Now that I’m in the thick of planning the big wedding part, I can see why people intentionally elope. We are too far along in wedding mode to turn back now, but I would definitely say from my experience I would have reconsidered five months ago.

From my experience, here’s what I  have discovered about the best of both options:  Keep reading »

Tying The Not: How To Use Minimalism To Assess Your Wedding Mindset

Pinterest Wedding
Pinterest wedding
Planning a wedding with Pinterest? Total nightmare! Read More »
Budget Wedding Tips
How to throw a cheap wedding in the age of the wedding industrial complex. Read More »
How To Apply Minimalism To Your Wedding

When I got married in 2011, we spent a cumulative $12,000 and called it a bargain. And it was a bargain – the average American wedding costs $25,200 these days. We cut corners, but we did the whole shebang: Big gown, big venue, big meal, big dessert table, photography, videography, DJ, centerpieces, customized everything, tuxes, event coordinator, rehearsal dinner, jewelry, makeup, hair, theme, colors, officiant, and of course, in the first place, a very expensive diamond engagement ring. After all that, though, there’s only a short list of things that I wound up really loving about my wedding — my dad going out of his way to make a slideshow and take dance lessons so our first dance could be awesome (it was), dancing with my friends for two straight hours, and the fact that my family came from all over the country to witness my vows. Keep reading »

Study: Wedding Traditions Are Changing Sloooowly

wedding cake topper 060414

Weddings may be full of age-old “rules,” but according to a new poll, views on strong-held nuptial traditions are slowly changing. A new Harris Poll surveyed 2,300 Americans this April to find out where they stand on old-school ideas about how heterosexual weddings are supposed to go down. Marriages might be changing, but weddings? Not so fast. Keep reading »

4 Reasons You Should Consider A Wedding Planner

4 Reasons To Consider A Wedding Planner

Do you remember being a kid and showing up at your birthday party simply to have fun? The pizza, the cake, crafts, clown, balloons, goodie bags, music, all just magically appeared and your only responsibility was to have a blast? If so, email your parents a thank you.

No party, big or small, happens without a significant amount of planning, blood, sweat and tears. A wedding reception is no exception. So many couples seek to create a unique experience that reflects their personal style, choosing unique event spaces, crafty décor and various surprise touches.  A wedding planner or month-of coordinator can make the difference between colossal disaster and the party of the year. Keep reading »

Bill Murray Crashed A Bachelor Party & It Was All Caught On Camera

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Some particularly horrible things happened around the world over the past couple of days. But one thing we can count on at any time is Bill Murray, off somewhere, being delightful. And so it goes that Murray happened to be at a steakhouse in Charleston, wearing a fishing vest (obviously, isn’t that what you wear to a steakhouse?), when a guest from a bachelor party went over and asked him to come say a few words to the groom-to-be, EJ. Murray initially declined. But then later on, he showed up suddenly at EJ’s bachelor party and gamely doled out some relationship advice for the single gents. Who, of course, were eating this up.  Keep reading »

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