What to Do When Your Friends Don’t Like Your Partner
Stuck in the middle?
Only trust the opinions of what I call “real friends,” the kind who would donate a kidney to you. They know you the best, aren’t jealous or possessive of you, and just want the best for you. Most of us have had snakes among our various friend groups at some point in our lives. You know, the ones who just want to create drama and gossip, like in middle school. You don’t need those kind of friends in life and their judgments about everything about you.
Now, I straight up ask friends their true opinions of someone new in my life. It might take them a few meetings for them to form a proper opinion, but my friends might pick up on something I missed about the person.
Some Red Flags
There are certain things that are an absolutely necessary in a relationship and maybe you haven’t picked up on certain things, especially when you are in a love bubble of a fresh relationship:
Your partner shouldn’t be controlling. When your S.O. ignores your wishes or opinions most of the time, it’s only going to get worse as time goes on. Sometimes you need a objective set of eyes to see that this is going on.
Fighting. Most couples try to keep their arguments at home, but it’s not uncommon for people to have a spat in public. Do your friends notice that your fights are different previous relationships? Does your partner throw in petty things? One of my exes would talk down to me and pat my head, but only in front of his friends.
Respecting you. Your S.O. should not be taking advantage of you, even in small ways. For example, borrowing money is a touchy issue in a new relationship, but always ask them what it’s for. If your partner is spending it on crap instead of their bills, then kick ‘em to the curb. Or if the borrowing happens multiple times and when your friends ask you what’s up with his financial situation and you get defensive about it, remember your true friends have your best interest in mind.
The problem is that sometimes it’s hard to see. Your friends might see it when you don’t. If they do, listen to them!
The older you get, the less you give AF because you are secure in yourself, your goals, your standards, and more. This means you know what you want and have learned wisdom and how to trust your gut. Is it one friend or family member who has objections to your partner or is it four or five of them?
Obviously if it’s one person that resents your relationship, it could just be a personality clash. If it’s multiple people voicing their negative opinions, really listen to them. Sit down in a calm and comfortable environment and ask them why they think you’re partner sucks. Don’t get defensive. Hear them out, and mull it over. They’re likely people who really care about you and your happiness. They’re just trying to look out for you.
Also note if their reasons for disliking your partner is something major (say, they’ve been married four times or spend 12 hours a day gaming) or are they minor complaints that can be fixed, like if they try to wear jeans to a wedding or if they are on their phone too much.