If you're a drunk woman who gets raped, will you be taken seriously? Read More »
Last weekend, I stood on the subway platform, thumbing through a magazine and grumbling about how the next train wouldn’t arrive for another 11 minutes. As I waited, more and more feet descended the stairs. Two pairs caught my attention — one was manicured with bright red polish and strapped into a sky high silver sandals, the other was in electric blue stilettos. Both pairs of ankles wobbled as their owners awkwardly lowered their feet. It seemed like at any moment, one—or maybe both—of them would come plummeting down the stairs. A few unsteady steps later, two women appeared in full view—both their faces were flushed and they clung to each other’s arms for dear life. “Wha a you lookin’ at,” one of them slurred to a guy who shook his head as they passed.
These girls were trashed. It was only 8 p.m.
Watching them zig and zag down the subway platform, I felt adrenaline rush through me. I felt like I should do something. But what? These are adults. They’re just having fun, I thought. They can take care of themselves.
Here’s where Wendy Williams, host of GSN’s new show “Love Triangle,” and I differ: she says she has no use for men as friends unless “we’re making money together.” I, on the other hand, love having guys as friends, especially when they share my interest in TV shows featuring incestuous sex and slaughter (“Game of Thrones”), Italian pork products, and generalizing about the genders. Perhaps Wendy would feel the same if her best guy friend was John DeVore. Be sure to watch “Love Triangle” weeknights at 7:00 p.m. EST /6:00 p.m. CST on the Game Show Network. [Love It Or Leave It] Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Almost Ex Friend,” whose best friend of almost 20 years had been fading out of her life. Still, they remained on the same sports league, so avoiding each other completely was out of the question. After the jump, find out how she and the friendship are doing today. Keep reading »
I’ll admit: I ended a friendship based on their comments about a chair cushion.
It was my housewarming party: 15 people swirling through my new apartment among perfectly-fluffed throw pillows and newly painted lavender walls. I’d pulled things together in two weeks, just before my birthday so that I could celebrate the new place and my new age together.
My friend walked in, gave me a hug and as she looked over my shoulder towards the apartment she whispered: “It’s cute! But so small.” She grabbed some wine and plopped onto one of my newly upholstered seats. “Can you believe Amy reupholstered those herself?” asked my lovely friend Katie. “Um, yes,” said the friend. “They’re pretty light on padding. I’m guessing it was a rush job.” Read more…Keep reading »
I met Rebecca when I was eight and forced by my parents to join an AYSO soccer team called the “Killer Bees” because my mom thought it imperative that even scrawny girls who much preferred watching late night re-reruns of “Star Trek: The Next Generation” should get out and enjoy bitter winds of Chicago fall on the lakefront. Early on, my feminist mother had adopted a policy that my brother and I had to do the same extracurricular activities, a policy that sometimes made me the only girl at a football camp or meant that both my brother and I had to take carpentry lessons. In this case, my six-year-old brother had become a soccer fanatic overnight and I had landed in a pair of golden knee guards. (To this day I consistently get panic attacks when someone peppily utters the phrase “Shake it Off!” ) Keep reading »
I’m a college student in love with my best friend. I see “James” every day, usually for several hours at a time (sometimes alone, sometimes in groups), and we text constantly. He’s cute, funny, smart, attentive, interesting: everything I want in a guy … and obviously he likes me on some level, or we wouldn’t be this close. But nothing’s ever happened between us! Summer’s coming up; we live in different parts of the country, and next semester we’re both studying abroad in European cities — close enough to visit occasionally, but definitely less than we’re used to. I feel like time’s running out. I’ve already amped up the flirting and touchiness but nothing’s changed. All this drama (or lack thereof) is steadily and annoyingly chipping away at my self-esteem. Do I tell him how I feel before the semester ends and risk alienating him and making things awkward? Or do I just MOA and accept that I’m permanently friend-zoned? — More than Friends?
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Depressed and Unsure,” who, much to her boyfriend’s chagrin, had befriended her BFF’s ex (and boyfriend’s friend) after the broke up. “We both share long-time struggles with chronic depression, and the outlet we’ve found in each other has helped us both immensely. Unfortunately, my boyfriend has taken issue with this new-found friendship.” Keep reading »
My boyfriend is awesome, supportive, and ultimately even more of a feminist than I am. The problem is that I can’t help but feel like I get treated differently (by others) for being the woman in the relationship. Most of the men we mutually know treat me as if I don’t exist when they’re around my boyfriend and me. For example, my boyfriend and I used to throw house shows for local bands, many of whom we are friends with. Frequently, I would plan these shows on my own, and personally direct correspondence with the bands. As soon as they arrived to our house, though, they would direct all of their questions to my boyfriend instead of me, even though they knew I was the one who planned it. Another instance is one of our male roommates, who will speak to me one-on-one, but as soon as the three of us are together, he will not address me, and I’m given a strange look and am immediately brushed off if I try to contribute anything. I don’t feel as if I’ve done anything to make these men see me as incompetent, and my boyfriend and I certainly don’t advertise him as “the boss” or something. It’s starting to kill my self-esteem and causing me to resent my relationship. Could I possibly be doing something wrong that causes men to treat me this way, or is this really just a hazard of being “the girlfriend”? Is there anything I can do to change things? — Hear Me Roar
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Friendless in High School,” who moved to a new school two years before graduation and hadn’t made any friends other than her boyfriend. She had grown so used to having him as a safety net, she wasn’t even sure whether she’d be able to go away to college without him. “My single self would probably be really mad at me right now for considering making this decision depending on my “high school sweetheart,” but on the other hand, I’m afraid of not finding new friends again, so I would like to have some kind of safety.” After the jump, find out if she’s still as lonely as she was when she wrote in and whether she’s still basing her college decision on her boyfriend. Keep reading »
My husband’s best friend “Bill” is engaged to marry his fiancee “Erin” this June. Last night, he told me about a fight Bill and Erin recently had that really concerns me. Erin feels very threatened by pornography and forbids Bill from looking at it because she considers it cheating. When she moved in, she destroyed his porn collection. A couple of weeks ago, Erin found a porn site in the web history on their shared computer and proceeded to compile evidence of Bill visiting porn sites. The same week, Erin found a cabinet with a locked door while Bill was at work; she pried it open to discover a set of porn DVDs. She called Bill and calmly stated that they “needed to talk.” When Bill got home that night, Erin immediately brought out the DVDs, began screaming and snapped the DVDs in his face. She then threatened to seriously damage his vehicle, began throwing things and ultimately punched him in the face. Erin truly expects Bill to never be sexually excited by the image of another woman and feels that he needs counseling for his “porn addiction.” The violence is obviously upsetting, and their inability to have an open dialogue sets the stage for future conflicts. My husband is generally the type to mind his own business, but I feel that he needs to urge Bill to seek counseling with Erin and seriously rethink the wedding if she refuses to go. What would you do if you were a friend of theirs? — Smells Trouble