My friend Rachel suggested it. We planned it for Friday the 13th, mostly because that sounded like a special day.
“I could really use a ceremony. Do we get to dress up?” I asked, half-joking.
“Of course we do!”
The Ceremony we planned wasn’t affiliated with any religion or spirituality. It was anything we wanted it to be. The theme, we decided, would be “renewal.”
When I was a kid, I had a great imagination. I loved the idea of magic. I saw it everywhere. Trees were magical. Pretty dresses were magical. It’d been a long time since I felt like anything was magical.So I was a little nervous when the day of The Ceremony rolled around. I am 25. My girlfriends and I don’t play dress up together. We talk about real world stuff. None of us wants to be a princess anymore. Or at least, no one would admit to it.
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Let’s make it all about Oprah for a moment, shall we? Oprah says in reference to Gayle (and I’m paraphrasing here), “Nothing’s better than a good friend,” and with the notable exception of a perfectly done French fry, I wholeheartedly agree. There’s really nothing better. If you’re living without, I recommend you fix the situation pronto. That said, I’ve no intention of instructing you on how to go about that here; I’m out of practice myself, having slipped into a motley crew of lunatics my freshman year of college and having held on tightly to those lunatics for the better part of 15 years. At this stage, new friends come along only once in a long while. And all I can say in terms of how I find them, is that, well, I don’t really. They find me is how it feels: I’m at a social gathering complaining about my facial hair, when suddenly there’s some new gal beside me who’s like, “My issue has always been my hairy lower back.” So you get to talking and fast-forward five years and she’s the one you call crying about the fact that you’re crying about J. Lo’s divorce. So again, I’m not here to tell you how to find her; I’m here to tell you how to assess a new lady friend. How to tell if she’s The One. Or, more specifically a Keeper. Keep reading »
Colvin Jang was looking for a way to make his terminally ill friend Nachu’s dream come true, and using the power of the online community of Reddit, he was able to make that happen. You see, Nachu was diagnosed with Ewing’s Sarcoma, and was told that he may not live past June. The final book in his favorite book series, The War That Came Early by Harry Turtledove, isn’t supposed to be released until July. So Colton went above and beyond, and begged, pleaded and bargained with Reddit users to help him reach the author. Amazingly, in less than six hours, he was put in touch with Turtledove, who very obligingly sent Nachu an early copy of the book and spoke with him by phone. How friggin’ cool is that? We should all be so lucky to have friends like Colton — and props especially to Mr. Turtledove for the take the risk of spoiling the release of his book for a sick fan.
Well, lookie here. Another New York Times’ Style section article about a “lifestyle trend” that’s sweeping the nation. The topic? De-friending. Not just online. IRL. I know. Groundbreaking, right? It’s no secret that people drift apart, or lose commonalities. But OK, maybe there’s a point here. The internet has given us an abnormal saturation of friendships and it’s not as evident as to how to get rid of them or even deal with them. Maybe because half the time you can avoid face-to-face confrontation. Keep reading »
Recently, a friend sent me a link to a YouTube video called “Can Men and Women Just Be Friends?” I rolled my eyes. I hate that question. It’s heteronormative and sexist, and yet, I clicked anyway.
The video has more than 5 million views. In it, women on a college-campus all say, “Yes! Of course men and women can be friends.” But the college-aged men aren’t sure. They report always wanting “something more.” The women also admit that many of their male friends have crushes on them. Watching, I squirmed in my seat. The video hints at some unnamed truth in the male/female friendship dynamic: the male friend who is in love with you, who you kind of lead on but who you do love, in some way. I understand this phenomenon all too well. Keep reading »
In high school, one of my best friends was a girl we’ll call Tara. Tara and I had been close since middle school, but as we got older we developed an unhealthy dynamic: Tara demanded so much of my time and energy, and I wasn’t good at putting up boundaries. She had a mean streak, and I was constantly getting hurt. I started to get the feeling it would be better if we went our separate ways, but how do you break up with a friend? There’s no precedent for such things. Ultimately I wrote her a long email telling her that I didn’t think we were good for each other. It was a rough breakup, but when it was over I felt like a whole new woman, and I had learned an important lesson: life is much too short to spend time with people who make you feel crappy. Keep reading »
In “Young Adult,” Diablo Cody’s new film opening Dec. 16, Charlize Theron plays Mavis, a divorced novelist who returns to her home in small-town Minnesota determined to rekindle a romance with her high school boyfriend. Mavis may have gotten older, but she hasn’t exactly grown up or figured out how to let go of the past.
One reason for Mavis’ issues? She has no one in her life telling her “no.” No one to encourage and inspire her to be her best self, no one whose feelings she is expected to care about. In short, she has no friends at all — until she meets Matt (Patton Oswalt), a guy whose existence she was oblivious to in high school, who now offers her a little tough love and a reality check, just as any real friend would. He hopefully offers the first of many lessons about friendship that Mavis desperately needs to learn. Here are seven things we’ve learned about friendship since high school. If you have a “Mavis” in your life, print this out and pass it along. Keep reading »
We’ve all been there — majorly crushing on that chick we’re hanging out with, thinking this might actually go somewhere. And the more time we’re spending together, the more we realize how much we actually like her: how she talks, how she laughs, that she can chill with us like one of the guys. Keep reading »
Mean girls happen. They happen at 9 years old on the playground. At 21 years old in the sorority. They happen in blockbuster Lindsay Lohan movies.
And for me, they happened when I was 27. Keep reading »