Male blogger Craig JC over at Clutch Magazine tries to caution women against telling their best friends all the intimate details of their sexual life, saying that “we all need some type of privacy.” But while giving this advice, Craig helps to perpetuate the stereotype that all women are jealous backstabbers. Keep reading »
In a recent Salon article, Mary Elizabeth Williams challenges the idea that women and men can’t be friends. Because, as you might know, there’s been a rumor going around that straight women and straight men can never be friends, since sex always gets in the way. Supposedly, the best options ladies have for companions are among their own gender (or gay dudes). As films like “The Sisterhood of The Traveling Pants” demonstrate, female bonds are some of the strongest. But does that make male/female friendships doomed and worthless? No! Keep reading »
This weekend, The New York Post ran a piece by author Lucinda Rosenfeld called “Why Women Are Frenemies.” Rosenfeld has a book coming out that’s related to the topic called I’m So Happy for You: A Novel About Best Friends, and in her essay she implies that the root of most female frenemy relationships is jealousy. I like Rosenfeld’s writing — she’s best known for What She Saw — but I’m a little resistant to the notion that all women engage in these “frenemy”-type relationships, and that if they DO have them, it all comes down to being jealous. She writes:
“For girls in their early 20s, rivalries tend to revolve around beauty and the attention of men. Later, it becomes easy to measure your lot in life (against that of your best friends) by the size of your wedding ring, the square footage of your apartment, the number of zeros in your or your husband or partner’s salary, and whether or not your kids got into a gifted-and-talented program.”
Really? I don’t have any frenemies I can think of, though I do have a few friends who occasionally grate on my nerves. But anyone who would ever fall on a list of enemies — even just for an hour or a day — is not someone I think I would call a friend to begin with. To find out just how true Rosenfeld’s theory is, I asked some fellow women about their experiences with “frenemies.” Keep reading »
The title is actually not the beginning of a joke. As unlikely as it may sound, this was gist of my most of my weekend. A little bit of background is necessary. Three years ago an Israeli is sitting in his room in Jerusalem getting ready to attend college in the US. He receives an email notifying him of the name and address of his freshman year roommate. To his surprise, the name and address are Iranian. What does he do: nothing. Despite the tensions in the region and possible conflicts, he decides not to complain to the college (whether this was out of cultural curiosity, tolerance, or extreme laziness remains a mystery). Simultaneously in another part of the world an Iranian receives his notification and pretty quickly surmises that his roommate is a Jew from Israel. He also decides to do nothing. Whether the college intentionally put two students from opposing countries together to foster international relations or some admissions director thought it would be a grand joke also remains a mystery. More likely than not it was just a screw up as both students later received an email inquiring as to their level of “comfortableness.” Both were comfortable and were now roommates. The unlikely combination of an Israeli and Iranian choosing to live together became more unlikely when the Iranian started dating a Palestinian. The unlikely group became an inseparable one. Keep reading »
This week I was reading an article in the New York Times called “She’s a Director Who’s Just Another Dude.” It’s about Lynn Shelton, who directed a movie called “Humpday,” yet another bromance comedy. The writer spouts off about why Shelton is so cool—citing “masculine” tendencies such as enjoying alcohol, showing confidence, and feeling powerful as reasons why she rocks. The article wasn’t too offensive but it got me thinking: why, for us gals, does being compared to men constitute a compliment? Keep reading »
Jimmy Fallon once joked about how choosing a friend as a roommate is never awesome:
“It doesn’t work out. You will fight each other––they have to much dirt on you. They’ll crush you in an argument for no reason. Like you’ll just say ‘Hey man the dishes have been in the sink for like two weeks and they’re your dishes. Are you gonna clean them or what?’ And they’ll say, ‘Yeah, remember when you had crabs in the sixth grade?’”
In the last month, I’ve learned that Fallon was so right. Keep reading »
Girlfriends are getting a lot of flack these days. Despite the popularity of “Sex and the City,” “Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” and “Lipstick Jungle” (well, maybe that one wasn’t so popular), female friendship is under attack. In the past few years it has become trendy to poo-poo girlfriends and hang with a posse of guys. Considering the legacy of girlfriendship in history and literature, I am surprised to find contemporary women viewing them with such disdain. I grew up reading about the bonds between sisters in “Little Women” and “Pride and Prejudice” and the unbreakable ties of friendship in “The Babysitters Club.” During grade school the notion of even being polite to a guy was incomprehensible; boys did have cooties, after all. As I grew, so did the possibility that a guy might make a decent friend. I think it must have been some time during high school, but suddenly every girl was touting that she didn’t hang out with girls, she preferred to have guy friends instead. Keep reading »
I have been truly lucky in my life in terms of the quality of female friendships I have experienced. As much as I love being in a romantic relationship with a man, the love in a girl friendship is somehow much sweeter. I tenderly look back at the hours on the phone every night giggling and gossiping over a shared secret. I remember long summer evenings at summer camp on the screened-in porch playing jacks. I can’t look at a piece of chocolate and not think back to the nights of gorging on Reese’s Pieces and watching all six hours of the BBC’s “Pride and Prejudice”… on VHS. Due to many circumstances, best girl friends have wandered in and out of my life for years. I moved, they moved, the event which brought us together ended — there are a myriad of reasons why a girl friendship can die a natural death. It is always a sad event, but when distance or time is the major culprit, these girl friendships often dissolve as innocently and seamlessly as they began. Keep reading »
In January, I left a live-in relationship after three years. The experience was all the sad adjectives you can imagine. But after the sobbing spells and the heavy drinking, the fog lifted—I was finally single again for the first time since after I graduated college.
Naturally, I expected my single friends to react with equal doses of giddy glee. For the record, I’m not the kind of girl who ditches my ladies when I’m dating someone. But lots of time does free up when you become single. Keep reading »
Recently, I discovered that one of my best friends had ditched me after I logged on to Facebook and found her profile had disappeared from my page. We’d been having problems that had culminated in a huge argument the day before, but I figured we’d get through it. I figured wrong.
Still, being given the heave-ho by way of a social networking site? My first reaction was to laugh. I mean, we’re adults. Unfriending me seemed tantamount to toilet-papering my locker or scribbling my phone number on the boys’ locker room wall. Keep reading »