Tag Archives: friendship

Girl Talk: Can You Ever Truly Be Happy For Someone Else?

When I told my best friend I was happy for her because she was pregnant, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The truth was that her announcement ruined my day, my week and my self-esteem. It added pressure to my already pressurized mid-30s brain and kept me awake at night with images of celebrating birthdays, alone and bitter, while everyone else basked in the warmth and love of their self-made families.

A few years later, when I was pregnant, I felt too guilty to announce it to my single friends. One night, as I finally plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and share the news, I said to my husband, “Watch, as I ruin someone’s day.”

He looked at me in utter confusion. “What are you talking about?” he said. “They’re your friends. They’ll be happy for you.”

“There’s no such thing as being happy for somebody else,” I shrugged, and he looked at me like I had just announced that I was a psychopathic flesh-eating robot. Keep reading »

Have You Ever Had An Inexplicably Fractured Friendship?

So apparently Oprah Winfrey and Whoopi Goldberg didn’t speak for several years after starring in “The Color Purple” together. According to the pair — who spoke about their distanced friendship on today’s “Oprah” — their standoff ended after Whoopi spoke with Oprah on the set of “For Colored Girls…,” which Whoopi’s currently starring in. Whoopi asked her, “Did I do something to you?” And Oprah admitted that she thought she had done something wrong. Both thought the other one was mad, but neither knew what to do about it — for years. It seems ridiculous that two such powerful and famous women would both be so paralyzed to fix a fractured friendship. And yet! Women (and it does seem to be a distinctly female thing) seem to do this all the time — a small bout of silence turns into a cavernous, deep rift. Have you ever had a friendship break down over a similar kind of miscommunication? Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “Am I Wrong For Hooking Up With My Friend’s Ex?”

I’ve recently developed feelings for one of my friend’s ex-boyfriends. Throughout their whole relationship she lied to him and cheated multiple times. I saw him at his most vulnerable and he would confide in me when things with them were rough. He and I became really good friends throughout the whole thing and everyone expected we both had a thing for each other. Though they broke up and he moved back to a city 10 hours away from me, he and I have stayed friends for two years now. Recently, he came up to visit and we unexpectedly hooked up … three times. Both of us admitted our feelings for each other after all this time. Now I’m conflicted. Did I break a girl code hooking up with him even though he and my friend broke up over a year ago, she is now currently living with her new boyfriend, and she treated him badly? He and I have both admitted we want to see each other again and maybe even try and give a relationship a shot. How/when should I tell her about us and is it a bad idea to pursue anything with the guy I could see myself falling in love with but who my friend still has a dibs on because of a stupid girl code? — Wanting What I Can’t Have

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Girl Talk: I Went To My Ex-Boyfriend’s Wedding

I knew what it was as soon as I opened my mailbox. I picked up the large envelope addressed in lovely calligraphy to Ms. Ami Angelowicz. I held it in my hand, for a moment. It felt heavy. I tossed it on my kitchen table. I’ll open it later, I thought. I’m not quite ready to deal with this. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Lucky In Love But Not In Money” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Lucky in Love But Not In Money” who was saving for a house and felt resentful that her friends only invited her to participate in pricey activities even after they skipped out on throwing her a bridal shower and bachelorette party for her recent marriage and didn’t spend enough on her for her wedding. After the jump, she shares a few words … Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Friend Set Me Up With A Sizeist Jerk”

Through a friend, I got the email and phone number of a guy who does home repairs. My cousin needed work done on her house, but never had much time to make arrangements, so I made the appointments for her. The work was done wonderfully and at a great price, so I sent an email thanking him and praising his work, using a lot of specifics. He sent an email saying he was impressed by my knowledge of construction. I responded that my father had been a carpenter. He sent me his IM information, and we began chatting. He asked me out after a couple of weeks and we made plans to meet up for a movie. I told him I would be wearing jeans and a green top. He said I probably looked really good in size 3 jeans. I never said I wore a size 3 and replied that I actually wear a size 14. Now I’m healthy, and few would consider me fat. My jean size is due to big hips and a big butt. I got an IM later that night saying he didn’t date fat girls. He went on to say that they where disgusting and when I went down a few sizes he would consider going out with me again.

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