When I told my best friend I was happy for her because she was pregnant, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The truth was that her announcement ruined my day, my week and my self-esteem. It added pressure to my already pressurized mid-30s brain and kept me awake at night with images of celebrating birthdays, alone and bitter, while everyone else basked in the warmth and love of their self-made families.
A few years later, when I was pregnant, I felt too guilty to announce it to my single friends. One night, as I finally plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and share the news, I said to my husband, “Watch, as I ruin someone’s day.”
He looked at me in utter confusion. “What are you talking about?” he said. “They’re your friends. They’ll be happy for you.”
“There’s no such thing as being happy for somebody else,” I shrugged, and he looked at me like I had just announced that I was a psychopathic flesh-eating robot. Keep reading »
So apparently Oprah Winfrey and Whoopi Goldberg didn’t speak for several years after starring in “The Color Purple” together. According to the pair — who spoke about their distanced friendship on today’s “Oprah” — their standoff ended after Whoopi spoke with Oprah on the set of “For Colored Girls…,” which Whoopi’s currently starring in. Whoopi asked her, “Did I do something to you?” And Oprah admitted that she thought she had done something wrong. Both thought the other one was mad, but neither knew what to do about it — for years. It seems ridiculous that two such powerful and famous women would both be so paralyzed to fix a fractured friendship. And yet! Women (and it does seem to be a distinctly female thing) seem to do this all the time — a small bout of silence turns into a cavernous, deep rift. Have you ever had a friendship break down over a similar kind of miscommunication? Keep reading »
I knew what it was as soon as I opened my mailbox. I picked up the large envelope addressed in lovely calligraphy to Ms. Ami Angelowicz. I held it in my hand, for a moment. It felt heavy. I tossed it on my kitchen table. I’ll open it later, I thought. I’m not quite ready to deal with this. Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Lucky in Love But Not In Money” who was saving for a house and felt resentful that her friends only invited her to participate in pricey activities even after they skipped out on throwing her a bridal shower and bachelorette party for her recent marriage and didn’t spend enough on her for her wedding. After the jump, she shares a few words … Keep reading »