Last month I gathered the courage to admit to my best friend that I had romantic feelings for him. He handled my admission with the utmost sensitivity and respect, as I knew he would, but said that he didn’t feel the same way. He told me that I was the best friend he had ever had, and that while he hoped we would always be close, he would understand if I needed to put a little space between us for a while. I assured him that I (and our friendship) would be fine. Since that day, our friendship has gone on just as it always has, with no weirdness or tension. But I’m realizing that I’m not fine (shocker, I know). While I’m good at hiding it, I still feel those romantic feelings towards him. Now, I know better than to hope that he’ll change his mind and realize that I’m the one. I know that I just need to get over these feelings and that spending so much time with him isn’t helping. But at the same time, he is my best friend and I can’t (and don’t want to) imagine my life without him in it. Do you think it is possible to get over these feelings while still remaining so close? My heart aches at the thought of losing his friendship. — In Love With My Best Friend
Tag Archives: friendship
As some of you know, nearly four years ago, when I still lived in Chicago, I was set up on a blind date while visiting friends in New York. Things went well; my date and I began a long-distance relationship, I moved to New York a year and a half later, and we were married last July. It’s now been almost two and a half years since I made the move from the Midwest to Manhattan for love, and while much of my life is better than it’s ever been, there’s still one void I have yet to fill: I don’t have any gay guy friends in town. I’ve made some girlfriends, my husband and I have plenty of couple friends, but when it comes to the really important things, like karaoke, watching awards shows, and getting an honest opinion on my hair, I find myself in dire need of a few good gays. Keep reading »
I was with my ex-boyfriend for three years. During that time, my three best friends all moved away, so he became my best friend, and his friends became my friends. We broke up really suddenly three months ago, and while I know the breakup was for the best, I now find that I have no idea what to do with myself. The few close friends I have left are also friends with my ex. I find myself spending way too many nights at home alone because I know my ex will be at the party my friends are going to. It’s hard for me to move on when I feel so lonely all the time, but I don’t want to go running back to him just because it’s the easiest thing right now. I want to keep busy and make new friends, but I don’t know how! Do you have any tips to make this transition a little easier for me? — Needs New Friends
Women can frequently be heard exclaiming, “I love her like a sister!” I shake my head. No, you can’t love your best friend like a sister. A sister’s love is separate from any other kind of love. A sister knows not only your entire history, but also what your thoughts and emotions were at every milestone. A sister knows not only who you are, but also what made you who you are. Keep reading »
You are allowed to protect your baby sister so that she remains in a happy, giant bubble, far away from bills, landlords, and men, right? Right? It’s reasonable that she remain approximately 12 years old forever, arguing at the lunch table that the Spice Girls are no good, playing lacrosse, and dating nobody? Perfectly reasonable. OK, so maybe extreme eternal youth is totally creepy in an “Interview with the Vampire” Claudia kind of way. And it isn’t truly what I want for my own little sister, but recently I’ve found my protective-sibling-claws coming out.
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One of the most important parts of life are the friendships you have. Close friends are like a chosen family: they are the people you choose to have in your life on a long-term basis and you love them as if they were your sisters or brothers.
Friends are one of the biggest enhancements to life. They are there to laugh with you, cry with you, and share the ups and downs of life with you. Keep reading »
There’s a certain amount of brouhaha amongst some evangelical Republicans over a minor presidential appointment in the Commerce Department. Amanda Simpson will perform a job for the public benefit that I can’t define. I’m pretty sure most of the American public doesn’t know what the Senior Technical Adviser for the Commerce Department’s Bureau of Industry and Security does. But, because she’s transgender, it’s prompted an associate dean at the extremely conservative Liberty University to propel himself into the media’s light to proclaim that, “This isn’t like appointing an African-American in order to try to provide diversity and right some kind of discriminatory wrong. This is about political correctness.”
Absurdly stupid. Because, of course, it should be no issue at all, because people are people, and work ought to go to the person whose experience best merits it. And stupidity compounded because I’m unsure how obstinately self-blinded someone must be to believe that transgendered people don’t face deep prejudice. The prejudice is dumb, as it is at all times, but especially so when directed at a scattered group with no agenda other than to fit in and be left alone. But I guess there’s always a learning curve. I had one.
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I recently found out, through tracking rumors and calling people I haven’t talked to in years, that the high school sweetheart of one of my best friends committed suicide about three months ago. They broke up three years ago after a very tumultuous relationship, finally resulting in him hitting her in the face once, and her heading for the door for good. He had substance abuse problems, and a very difficult family situation, and would frequently contact my friend for the first two years following their breakup. He would be depressed, drunk, and trying to get her back. Every time. She cut off all contact with him, and I know that she doesn’t know about his death yet. The real issue here is whether or not I should tell her. On one hand, I don’t want to hide anything from her, but on the other hand, I’m worried about how she’ll react. She has dealt with severe depression herself, and has suffered some extreme hardships. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but worst of all, I think she will blame herself. Unfortunately she has never been one to handle these extreme emotions very well (not that I view that as a weakness, she’s just been through a lot), and depending on the timing, I’m almost afraid she’ll hurt herself. Even though he turned out to be bad news on the relationship front, remembering him from high school is a whole different story. He was, at least at some point, a wonderful person who was dealt many unfortunate hands in life, and part of me almost feels as though it would be a discredit to his memories if the love of his life remained unaware of his death. I’m so confused, and I’m not thinking clearly. Any thoughts? — Caring Friend
In this modern age of dating, casual sex, and fun hooking up, many of us remain friendly with people we’ve seen naked long after the ugly-bumping has come to an end. That said, there are still plenty of rules that must be followed if you actually want to maintain some semblance of a friendship. After the jump, 20 dos and don’ts of having a post-hookup friendship. Keep reading »