Tag Archives: friendship

Dear Wendy: “My Friend Called ‘Dibs’ On A Guy We’re Both Interested In”

One of my close friends introduced me to a guy friend of hers recently, and we had immediate chemistry. He’s smart and quick-witted, with big green eyes, and we’re both passionate about our work and have lots in common. The catch (because there has to be one…) is that my friend who introduced us has “dibs.” To my friend, he’s the perfect guy — on paper. They are from the same hometown, are the same religion and he has a of graduate degree like she does. She has also mentioned to me a number of times that he comes from a wealthy family, and while she works now, she would like to be with someone who could amply support her when she has children. In essence, he’s her ideal man, except that in the years that they have known each other (and despite her efforts) he has made it quite clear he’s not interested in being more than friends. The guy has no idea my friend has called dibs on him, and has made it clear he would like to get to know me better. I would like to pursue the romance, but not at the expense of my friendship. Now I feel resentment toward my friend for making it clear she would be furious if we dated. Everyone involved is 30 or nearly so, and at a point where a serious relationship could become a lifetime commitment; I feel like we’re not kids anymore, and the games aren’t helping anyone be happier. So, does calling “dibs” ever stop being acceptable, and if so, how do I help my friend be happy for both of us instead of feeling betrayed? — Down on the Dibs

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Dear Wendy: “My Best Friend Keeps Falling For Jerks”

I have known my best friend since we were six years old and she’s a great girl. She’s super smart, pretty, and fun, so obviously she has a lot to offer a guy. A few years ago, her boyfriend (who she referred to as the love of her life) moved to another continent, and while they tried to deal with the distance as best they could, they eventually broke up. In the years since their breakup she’s made some pretty horrible decisions when it comes to guys. And it’s not just that I don’t like the guys she’s dated. She let’s them walk all over her. She hasn’t made the safest decisions when it comes to her sex life either. At first I thought she was just going through a bad boy phase. She’d find a new guy and gush about him all the time, then call me in tears. I’ve picked up the pieces more times than I can count, and I try to support her, but I feel like it’s come to a point where I can’t watch her put herself through it anymore. I want to confront her about it, but I don’t want to seem like I’m scolding her. What should I do? — Over the Drama

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Girl Talk: Should I Be Jealous Of His Female Friends?

The other night, after having sex with the new guy I’m seeing, he said casually, “I’m going out for a drink with my friend. I’ll be back in half an hour.” Fair or not, it bothered me that he was going out with a female friend (I’d still have been a little miffed it had been a male friend, but not in the same way). The fact was, I was exhausted after having flown home on a red eye that morning, so perhaps I was overly sensitive, but still, I was jealous … especially when three hours later I woke up and he wasn’t there.

I almost left, but he apologized, telling me his friend had some major issues to discuss and they’d lost track of time. He rushed back and we fell asleep together. The next night, I got to meet the woman I’ll call Alice when we all went to dinner. She was fun and sweet — and has a boyfriend. In just a few minutes, I could tell she wasn’t a threat to my relationship, but still, the fact that the majority of his friends are women, and there are lots of them, has given me pause. Keep reading »

Open Thread: What Are You NOT Doing This Weekend?

It’s Friday! What are you definitely not going to be doing this weekend? Share it in the comments. Keep reading »

All Those Girls In Love With Drama

As a teenager, I lived in breathless anticipation or sickening dread of the inevitable drama with a capital D that Monday mornings brought with them. Who had hooked up with whom that weekend (and where and when)? So-and-so called someone a nasty name. Did you hear Sally broke up with her boyfriend … or did her boyfriend break up with her? At an all-girls prep school, drama was the default setting. Now that I’m a young-adult author, drama is my literary milieu; it provides the conflict that makes a plot. But that doesn’t mean I want it in my real life. Keep reading »

Open Thread: We’re Working For The Weekend

TGIF! What are your weekend plans? Share in the comments.
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13 Things To Never Share With Your Best Friend

Marie Claire recently listed “10 things never to share with a bestie,” from “the sex dream you had about her boyfriend” to “your overbooked colorist’s number,” and while the list is funny — and pretty wise — it leaves out a few crucial items. After the jump, check out 13 more things you should never share with your best friend. Keep reading »

What’s Your Biggest Pet Peeve When It Comes to Your Coupled Friends?

When friends find boyfriends, you can’t help but be happy for them — unless they start developing annoying couple habits, or remind you that you’re still single and they’re oh-so-in-love. We asked people to share their biggest pet peeve when it comes to friends in relationships. What’s yours? Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Some Of My Friends Can’t Get It Together

The majority of my friends are doing cool things with their lives: I have lots of journalist friends, friends who got cosmetology licenses, friends in law school, friends taking the Series 7 exams, even friends deployed in Iraq.

Yet, for all the ones climbing up their career ladders, there are a few 26- to 30-year-olds who’re still hanging out on the first or second rung. I’ve pretty much stopped asking, “Do you think you’ll start applying to jobs in that field you’re interested in?” or “Do you think you’ll move out of your hometown?” because the answer is always some variation of “I don’t know” or “not yet.” Some of these conversations have been going on for years.

I’m starting to see that your 20s aren’t just about making bad relationship decisions. They’re about making bad career decisions as well. Keep reading »

Should I Tell My Friend She Has To Tip?

I have a friend who’s really cheap. She’s so cheap that she often deprives herself of something she wants because it’s “too expensive.” I’ve told her plenty of times, “You get what you pay for.” Lately, her cheapness has really been getting on my nerves because she often complains to service people, like waiters, about how expensive the food is. I find this to be really embarrassing because I don’t want them to think I’m like her — you know, guilty by association — and I also don’t want any “secret sauce” in my food. I’m one of those people who also believes you tip well since you didn’t have to do the work. On more than one occasion, I’ve ponied up more than my share in order to make up for her sparse tip. Today, I’m taking her to get a beauty treatment at a spot that I frequent. Should I mention before we get there that she has to tip — and tip well? Or maybe I should give the tip instead?
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