Tag Archives: friendship

Dear Wendy: “I Crashed At My Friend’s Pad For 5 Months And Now She Won’t Talk To Me”

For the last five months I lived with a good friend and her boyfriend while I finished school. They were kind enough to let me crash with them and I’m so thankful they did. However, now that I’m moved out I feel like our friendship is over. I’ve heard through mutual friends that she complained about me being messy, ignoring her, and being awful to live with. She would routinely send me tweets and Facebook messages detailing the various things I did that annoyed her (i.e., snore, nap, have a glass in my room). The thing is, I was always clean. I VERY rarely left a dish unwashed, I cleaned the bathroom, emptied the dishwasher … I’m just at a loss as to why she would stop talking to me. I did really stick to myself while I lived there and didn’t hang out with her and her boyfriend. I didn’t want to invade their space but she never made me feel anything other than it was best to stay away from them. So I did. I’m at the point now where I’ve been evaluating our whole friendship and she really hasn’t been a great friend over the years. But I’m still bothered that somehow she has completely stopped talking to me. Should I contact her to find out why? Or should I just let this die and get over it? We have lots of mutual friends so I don’t want things to be awkward if we no longer talk. I just don’t know where to go from here. — Baffled

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Dear Wendy: “I Got Sick And My Friends Abandoned Me”

I’m 25 and earlier this year I was diagnosed with a chronic illness that I’ve yet to really get a handle on. It’s been very emotional for me to say the least, and to top it off I feel like I’ve been somewhat abandoned by my friends. The thing is, I know they’re all lovely people — it just seems like they get uncomfortable/unsure of what to say when I talk about my illness, so they think it’s best not to mention it at all or something. I’ve expressed to a few of them that it’s helpful for me to just be able to get the feelings off my chest once in a while, yet no one really seems to be making much of an effort to hear about it. I hate to be a Negative Nancy and certainly don’t want to talk about my illness all the time … I just want to know that my friends care. Am I going about this the wrong way? Is this not the type of thing that friends talk to each other about these days? My mom and boyfriend seem to think I should stop trying to get support on this from friends, but I don’t want to lean on them alone. — Not-So-Positive Pollyanna

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Dear Wendy Updates: “Concerned Friend” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Concerned Friend” whose pal was obsessed with becoming pregnant, despite (or because of) recent medical issues that made it difficult to conceive. CF wondered how she could be the best friend to her pal during this time — whether she should be realistic with her or “feed into her hope that she’s pregnant.” After the jump, found out how both she and her friend are doing today. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “How Can I Let Guys Know I Want To Befriend Them Not Date Them?”

I recently moved out of the country, and am in the process of making new friends. Every so often a new male stranger will strike up conversation with me. Since I’m new here and could use as many friends as possible, I’m always receptive and try to be engaging. However, it always reaches the point where the guy will ask for my number. Unfortunately, nine times out of 10 I’m not really into him enough to date him — rather I’d be more interested in being friends. I’m finding that by engaging in conversation with them, they think I’m flirting or somehow into them, and that later when I say I’m not, they think I’m a bitch. How can I let them know right away that I’m not interested in dating them, without hurting their ego and immediately ruining the possibility of becoming friends? — New Girl in Town

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Girl Talk: My Friend Crush Fell For Another Girl

When my guy friend recently became single, I saw a lot more of him. In fact, we were hanging out a lot and while sober. Seriously. We would just talk and the conversation was easy. So easy I was beginning to wonder if he was trying hard to get in my pants. I mean, he’s basically everything on paper I would want and my mom would love him, too. When does that magic ever happen?! He is manly, handsome, smart, and a good listener, but shy. Nagging in the back of my brain every time we hung out was this voice that kept saying, “Land this guy, you dumb slut!” Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Can You Ever Truly Be Happy For Someone Else?

When I told my best friend I was happy for her because she was pregnant, it couldn’t have been further from the truth. The truth was that her announcement ruined my day, my week and my self-esteem. It added pressure to my already pressurized mid-30s brain and kept me awake at night with images of celebrating birthdays, alone and bitter, while everyone else basked in the warmth and love of their self-made families.

A few years later, when I was pregnant, I felt too guilty to announce it to my single friends. One night, as I finally plucked up the courage to pick up the phone and share the news, I said to my husband, “Watch, as I ruin someone’s day.”

He looked at me in utter confusion. “What are you talking about?” he said. “They’re your friends. They’ll be happy for you.”

“There’s no such thing as being happy for somebody else,” I shrugged, and he looked at me like I had just announced that I was a psychopathic flesh-eating robot. Keep reading »

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