Tag Archives: friendship

Girl Talk: I Feel Like I’m Married To My Best Friend

“I’ve been thinking…”

Oh, God. Those three words. My heart rate quickened, hoping the next set of words weren’t going to be awful.

“I want to move to live with you in D.C. I really do. It’s just … I feel like this is all happening so fast. In a few months, I could have a new job, new apartment, a new life basically, and I keep asking myself ‘Am I ready for this??’ I think I am. I’m almost completely positive that I am. But I’m trying to figure out what’s best for me AND what’s best for us, and I’m feeling a lot of pressure.”

As serious as

I’m the one who pushes the envelope a bit too far sometimes, and she’s the practical one who reins me back in. She doesn’t let me get out of hand, and I in turn force her out of her comfort zone a bit.

“What’s so funny?”

“We sound married,” I said.

She broke down in a fit of tear-inducing, breathless laughter. The truth of it was too ridiculous not to laugh about. Between gasps for air, she asked, “What’s your boyfriend going to think?!”

My best friend, K., is planning a total life-transplant to Washington, D.C. to live with me. The plan has been in the works for over six months, though we had always wanted to live together after we graduated college. She’s tired of living in the same city — and in the same house — that she’s lived in with her parents since infancy. Moving back home wasn’t exactly her first choice after graduating over a year ago, but in this economy it was practically impossible to save any money without making the move home. She’s eager to get out of the city and her parents’ home, and start a more independent life in a place with much more opportunity.

Last August, I also moved back home in order to save money. Like K., I’m ready to leave, and my parents and I have agreed on a time range for me to move out. I lived alone once and hated it, so I’m determined to have a roommate. I’d prefer not to live with a stranger, K. prefers not to live with a stranger, and K. has always planned to move to D.C., so it seems logical that we move in together. We’re looking at a deadline of anywhere between two and four months from now, which means there are a lot of details to work out in not a lot of time.

The impending move has forced us to think like an entity, like a married couple. We’re facing questions and hurdles that any committed pair would face in our situation. Where do we want to live? How much are we willing to pay? How much would we each like to save? What kind of job is K. looking for? Should she move before she finds a job to ensure she’s there before I have to sign a lease? What’s our long-term goal for the place we choose? When should she tell her current employer that she’s leaving?

Answering each question is an exercise in patience, compromise and understanding. There isn’t any, “Well, I want this so we have to do that,” or “I’m moving at this time and that’s final. Live with me if you want” … you know, the kind of passive-aggressive bitchy dialogue you might find between two female friends and future roommates. We find a way to answer each problem that faces us in a way that we can both live with and agree on, that will be mutually beneficial to each of us now and in the future. There are no ultimatums or snappy requests, because we’re committed to each other. We can’t be demanding because that’s not healthy for the relationship in the long-term.

So. Why the hell am I so committed to being with my best friend? Why is it so important that we make decisions together and sacrifice things for each other, when we aren’t a couple? We aren’t required to have a life-long dedication to each other, so why act like we do? Living with strangers isn’t that bad.

More than being best friends, K. and I are also business partners. We found out long ago, when we were roommates for three years in college, that we had strikingly similar goals for our life. Over the past two years we combined those interests and similarities and formulated a plan for an enterprise that we want to undertake one day. It has proven to be an all-consuming passion for both of us, and the fervor has only grown now that we’ve each been out in the working world for a year, at jobs that neither of us are overly thrilled to be doing. Living together isn’t a vital necessity, but it would make working toward this goal a hell of a lot easier.

I’m the one who pushes the envelope a bit too far sometimes, and she’s the practical one who reins me back in. She doesn’t let me get out of hand, and I in turn force her out of her comfort zone a bit.

The dream would flounder if one of us decided to leave or give up; we balance each other out in a way that we’re confident will prove very successful in the future.

Just like any committed couple, we’re looking at the bigger picture. Yes, asking K. to leave her job and relocate her life so that we can make more headway on our plan isn’t easy. But we made a promise to turn this goal into a reality years ago. So in sickness and in health, we’re sticking to that vow.

Rachel writes a weekly relationship column for the up-and-coming pop culture source The Morton Report. Follow her on Twitter.

Photo: Digital Vision/Thinkstock

Have You Ever Fought With Friends Over Clothes?

I was at a flea market this weekend with a friend, relishing in my new discovery that yes, despite the fact that I am only five-feet tall, I can actually wear three-quarter-length skirts as long as I wear heels, when I happened upon the perfect new skirt. The only trouble? My friend Sarah thought it was the perfect new skirt, too — for her. At first, her praise of the brightly-colored button-down vintage skirt (priced at a reasonable $20) was neutral. Until she tried the skirt on, too, and realized it fit her (at a good eight inches taller than me) just as well as me. “Wellllll, you know, that skirt is exactly what I’ve been looking for…” she said, her voice trailing off. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: Why Being Drunk Is A Feminist Issue

Too Drunk?
If you're a drunk woman who gets raped, will you be taken seriously? Read More »

Last weekend, I stood on the subway platform, thumbing through a magazine and grumbling about how the next train wouldn’t arrive for another 11 minutes. As I waited, more and more feet descended the stairs. Two pairs caught my attention — one was manicured with bright red polish and strapped into a sky high silver sandals, the other was in electric blue stilettos. Both pairs of ankles wobbled as their owners awkwardly lowered their feet. It seemed like at any moment, one—or maybe both—of them would come plummeting down the stairs. A few unsteady steps later, two women appeared in full view—both their faces were flushed and they clung to each other’s arms for dear life. “Wha a you lookin’ at,” one of them slurred to a guy who shook his head as they passed.

These girls were trashed. It was only 8 p.m.

Watching them zig and zag down the subway platform, I felt adrenaline rush through me. I felt like I should do something. But what? These are adults. They’re just having fun, I thought. They can take care of themselves.

But then another part of me thought: how naive. Keep reading »

Love It Or Leave It: Wendy Williams Has No Use For Guy Besties


Here’s where Wendy Williams, host of GSN’s new show “Love Triangle,” and I differ: she says she has no use for men as friends unless “we’re making money together.” I, on the other hand, love having guys as friends, especially when they share my interest in TV shows featuring incestuous sex and slaughter (“Game of Thrones”), Italian pork products, and generalizing about the genders. Perhaps Wendy would feel the same if her best guy friend was John DeVore. Be sure to watch “Love Triangle” weeknights at 7:00 p.m. EST /6:00 p.m. CST on the Game Show Network. [Love It Or Leave It] Keep reading »

Dear Wendy Updates: “Almost Ex Friend” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Almost Ex Friend,” whose best friend of almost 20 years had been fading out of her life. Still, they remained on the same sports league, so avoiding each other completely was out of the question. After the jump, find out how she and the friendship are doing today. Keep reading »

Are You Guilty Of Housesnarking?

I’ll admit: I ended a friendship based on their comments about a chair cushion.

It was my housewarming party: 15 people swirling through my new apartment among perfectly-fluffed throw pillows and newly painted lavender walls. I’d pulled things together in two weeks, just before my birthday so that I could celebrate the new place and my new age together.

My friend walked in, gave me a hug and as she looked over my shoulder towards the apartment she whispered: “It’s cute! But so small.” She grabbed some wine and plopped onto one of my newly upholstered seats. “Can you believe Amy reupholstered those herself?” asked my lovely friend Katie. “Um, yes,” said the friend. “They’re pretty light on padding. I’m guessing it was a rush job.” Read more… Keep reading »

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