I’m not going to lie, male friendship is a mystifying thing to me. Whenever I overhear dude friends having really personal conversations, I feel like I’m hiding behind a bush observing a unicorn. Most of my best friends have been guys, and specifically straight guys, but our friendships have always taken on a different tenor than their friendships with each other. Like, I know that guys can be kind of vulnerable with each other, but again, only because I’ve overheard it, not because they’re publicly open about it in the way that women are — really, are allowed to be. Keep reading »
Some years ago, a young man that I was casually dating invited me to a birthday party with some of his friends who all moved to New York City, from Florida, to go to college. It was a scenario I had long grown accustomed to: I was the only Black girl amongst a group of non-minority people, laughing, drinking and talking.
Then this statement came out of nowhere and immediately wiped the smile from my face: “The best way to keep America safe is to just deport all of the Muslims,” a young White boy said in between sips of a beer.
It pierced my ears, momentarily paralyzing me. My eyes darted towards my friend to gauge his reaction to the words that pierced the air like an arrow launched from a bow, striking me in my chest. He seemed completely unmoved.
“Well, we don’t have to get rid of all of them, just the terrorists really,” he responded plainly.
We never spoke after that day. Keep reading »
Last week, our new dude dating columnist Dater XY wrote a provocative piece about how his best friend is a woman and some ladies he meets online dating can’t handle that. With a few exceptions, commenters on that piece agreed Dater XY is shit outta luck. “I don’t see a way out of this. I think that pretty much every girl, no matter how secure she is, will have in the back of her mind, ‘I wonder what they’re REALLY doing,’” wrote one commenter. ”It’s a red flag,” added another.
Well, that hasn’t been my experience at all. My husband’s two best friends are women and he sees both ladies several nights a week. Their friendships are not suspicious to me at all. In fact, I think it’s great. Keep reading »
My best friend is a woman. My best friend in college was a woman. In fact, a majority of my closest friends since college have been women. And this presents a problem in my dating life.
There isn’t one single reason why I have more female friends than male ones and if you looked at my weekly activities, it would seem strange that I don’t have more male friends. Every weekend I enjoy traditionally masculine, rip-my-chest-hair-out activities, like hockey and football. Yet it’s my female friends who I tend to call when I want to go out.
For starters, I do have a somewhat functional brain that is capable of functioning independently of my penis (albeit the little guy does occasionally develop a Napoleon complex). This has led to several of my close female friends starting out as love interests. Others I met while on my college’s ski team. Additionally, there is the fact that most of the closest male friends I had in college were the earliest to get married and have kids. Keep reading »
A new study from the University of New South Wales has found that expressing gratitude to new acquaintances will earn you friends. The study was put together to explore a theory that suggests that gratitude helps people create new relationships, build on the ones they already have, and help to maintain both. In an effort to test the “new relationships” aspect of that theory, researchers studied 70 university students who gave advice to younger peers. The students were told that they were mentoring high school students and critique their university admissions essays. Afterwards, the mentors received handwritten notes from their faux mentees, and only about half of those notes included an expression of thanks for assisting them with their essays. The mentors who were thanked were more likely to give the younger students their contact information and presumably continue the friendship. The mentors also reported warmer personalities when it came to the grateful mentees, and that warmth is probably why grateful people make lots of friends. Keep reading »
Not all friendships work out. We all can’t be the sisterhood of the traveling pants, okay? Sometimes somebody (with bad taste) just decides you suck. If you’re fortunate, a friendship fizzles out slowly and imperceptibly, without any awkward requests to get that cardigan back. If you’re not-so-fortunate, your friendship is going to end in either one or a series of small confrontations. We can’t avoid breaking up with our friends or getting friend-dumped. But we can apply some rules of engagement so it’s not a complete and utter shitshow, like many a romantic breakup.
Allow me to add an honorary attachment to the Girl Code (although this certainly applies to male friends, too):
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