“Shortcuts” is a new feature of “Dear Wendy” in which I answer readers’ letters in two sentences or less because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Here we go with round three … Keep reading »
The Frisky staff recently had some professional photographs taken for PR purposes and we just got the contact sheets in. The second we all started looking at our own pictures — and then each other’s — something very … typical … set in. What I call the “I Look So Ugly, You Look So Pretty” game began.
“Ugh,” I groaned, scrolling through my headshots. “I look like my grandfather in drag.”
“Oh no you don’t!” Wendy assured me (even though she has never seen my grandfather). “There are some great pictures of you. I only like one of mine.”
“Whatever,” I brushed off. “Your skin looks amazing. So does Kate’s. I look hideous.”
“My arms look fat,” Annika chimed in.
Why the hell do women always do this? Keep reading »
Last week I wrote a post called “15 Signs It’s Time To Break Up,” which got some great comments, including one from Humble Bee, who said, “How about a list about breaking up with a friend? Sometimes its really obvious that they aren’t looking for your best interest, but we keep ignoring it just because we have known them for so long, or because they know so much about us that we just put up with their s**t all the time.” The Frisky abides! Here are 12 signs it’s time to drop a toxic friend like a hot potato. Keep reading »
I probably won’t go to your birthday party. Or your housewarming party. Or your Halloween party, your Christmas party, or your July 4th barbecue. It’s nothing personal. I like you. I really do! And I’m super-nice and friendly. I really am! If you’re in need of a professional introduction, or want to borrow a book, or just desire someone to listen while you talk, I’m your girl. But you shouldn’t expect I’ll show up in a social setting, charm your friends, and be the life of the party. I’m a loner and I won’t be at the party. Keep reading »
“Shortcuts” is a new feature of “Dear Wendy” in which I answer readers’ letters in two sentences or less because sometimes the answer to a person’s question is so obvious and the need to hear it so great, being as clear and frank as possible is simply the best way to go. Here we go with round two:
After many years of friendship, a friend and I had a falling out shortly after I got married last May. There were many issues that needed to be resolved in order to rectify our friendship. I sent her an e-mail expressing my concerns and even offered to fix the issues that we had in the friendship. She ignored my email and chose to not contact me again, with no “true” closure between us. We haven’t spoken in many months and while I’m not overly excited to contact her again (after all, she chose not to respond to the e-mail I sent), I did some Facebook “research” and discovered she still has herself tagged in some of my wedding photos. Personally, I would remove the tags on the photos and move forward in life, so I’m wondering if it’s possible she is trying to remember “the good ol’ days” of our friendship or could possibly be seeking to re-connect with me at a more appropriate time later in our lives? Should I hold out any hope that she could return at some point? — Former Friend
One of my close friends introduced me to a guy friend of hers recently, and we had immediate chemistry. He’s smart and quick-witted, with big green eyes, and we’re both passionate about our work and have lots in common. The catch (because there has to be one…) is that my friend who introduced us has “dibs.” To my friend, he’s the perfect guy — on paper. They are from the same hometown, are the same religion and he has a of graduate degree like she does. She has also mentioned to me a number of times that he comes from a wealthy family, and while she works now, she would like to be with someone who could amply support her when she has children. In essence, he’s her ideal man, except that in the years that they have known each other (and despite her efforts) he has made it quite clear he’s not interested in being more than friends. The guy has no idea my friend has called dibs on him, and has made it clear he would like to get to know me better. I would like to pursue the romance, but not at the expense of my friendship. Now I feel resentment toward my friend for making it clear she would be furious if we dated. Everyone involved is 30 or nearly so, and at a point where a serious relationship could become a lifetime commitment; I feel like we’re not kids anymore, and the games aren’t helping anyone be happier. So, does calling “dibs” ever stop being acceptable, and if so, how do I help my friend be happy for both of us instead of feeling betrayed? — Down on the Dibs
I have known my best friend since we were six years old and she’s a great girl. She’s super smart, pretty, and fun, so obviously she has a lot to offer a guy. A few years ago, her boyfriend (who she referred to as the love of her life) moved to another continent, and while they tried to deal with the distance as best they could, they eventually broke up. In the years since their breakup she’s made some pretty horrible decisions when it comes to guys. And it’s not just that I don’t like the guys she’s dated. She let’s them walk all over her. She hasn’t made the safest decisions when it comes to her sex life either. At first I thought she was just going through a bad boy phase. She’d find a new guy and gush about him all the time, then call me in tears. I’ve picked up the pieces more times than I can count, and I try to support her, but I feel like it’s come to a point where I can’t watch her put herself through it anymore. I want to confront her about it, but I don’t want to seem like I’m scolding her. What should I do? — Over the Drama
The other night, after having sex with the new guy I’m seeing, he said casually, “I’m going out for a drink with my friend. I’ll be back in half an hour.” Fair or not, it bothered me that he was going out with a female friend (I’d still have been a little miffed it had been a male friend, but not in the same way). The fact was, I was exhausted after having flown home on a red eye that morning, so perhaps I was overly sensitive, but still, I was jealous … especially when three hours later I woke up and he wasn’t there.
I almost left, but he apologized, telling me his friend had some major issues to discuss and they’d lost track of time. He rushed back and we fell asleep together. The next night, I got to meet the woman I’ll call Alice when we all went to dinner. She was fun and sweet — and has a boyfriend. In just a few minutes, I could tell she wasn’t a threat to my relationship, but still, the fact that the majority of his friends are women, and there are lots of them, has given me pause. Keep reading »
It’s Friday! What are you definitely not going to be doing this weekend? Share it in the comments. Keep reading »
As a teenager, I lived in breathless anticipation or sickening dread of the inevitable drama with a capital D that Monday mornings brought with them. Who had hooked up with whom that weekend (and where and when)? So-and-so called someone a nasty name. Did you hear Sally broke up with her boyfriend … or did her boyfriend break up with her? At an all-girls prep school, drama was the default setting. Now that I’m a young-adult author, drama is my literary milieu; it provides the conflict that makes a plot. But that doesn’t mean I want it in my real life. Keep reading »
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