Tag Archives: friendship

Dear Wendy Updates: “Platonic Friend” Responds

It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Platonic Friend whose male best friend confided he was in love with her despite both of them being in relationships with other people. Platonic Friend explained to him how much she loved her boyfriend, but was sad that he seemed to be fading out of her life since his confession. I told her she should probably be relying on her boyfriend a bit more for male friendship and let this other guy figure out what’s going on with him and his girlfriend. Did she listen to my advice? Are they still friends? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My Maid Of Honor Is Blowing Off My Bachelorette Party”

I grew up and went to school on the east coast but now live in California. I recently got engaged and was thrilled to ask my best friend from college, who now lives in Maryland, to be my maid of honor. Because all my bridesmaids are scattered across the U.S. and the majority of my bridesmaids are on the east coast, I decided to have my bachelorette party in NYC (where one of my bridesmaids lives) over Labor Day weekend so that they wouldn’t be burdened to fly out to California. My sister from California and I booked our tickets back in June. Recently, my MOH emailed me to tell me that she doesn’t think she can make it because she’s breastfeeding her newborn and doesn’t think it would be a good idea to stay overnight in NYC. While I understand her situation, it really bothered me that she is just coming to me now. I don’t think that I could — nor do I want— to plan my own bachelorette party and I really don’t want to burden the other girls with that. Her backing out of the party = no party because no one else has planned anything. I tried to talk to her about how I was feeling and I got the impression that she thought this was beneath her because she was a “new mom” with “more important things” to worry about. I’m really saddened by the entire thing and wonder if I should still keep her as a maid of honor. What do you think? — Sad Bride

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Dear Wendy: “My Sister Is Dating My Ex!”

I’m 33 years old, and recently, my high school sweetheart, Michael, who I dated for almost two years and lost my virginity to, found me on Facebook. After much thought I finally hit the accept button to his friend request. I figured it’s been 15 years, we’re both grown adults now and yes, part of me wanted him to see just how fabulous I turned out. The problem is, Michael has also friended my sister, who was an 11-year-old ugly duckling when we dated in high school, but has definitely blossomed since then. It turns out, they went out to dinner the other night and my sister finds him “very interesting and good looking.” I told her I feel weird about them dating, and I swear if she wasn’t my sister I would have told her where to go the minute this happened. She could be “talking” to any of my exes and I would feel the same exact way I’m feeling now. It’s called the Girl Code and she needs to respect it. The number one rule of the Girl Code is to never date your close friends’ exes, so I think this applies double if it’s your sister. When I tell people about this situation, everyone thinks it’s wrong. Well, everyone but my sister and her friends. They say I shouldn’t have a problem with it since I’ve been happily married for 13 years and that it was over a decade ago when we were teenagers. So, who is right!? It it wrong that I still believe in the Girl Code? — Girl Code Believer

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Girl Talk: How I Ended Up Falling Into A Lake At My Best Friend’s Wedding

Three years ago, I went to a friend’s wedding in California. My boyfriend at the time (eventually my ex-fiance) got so drunk that he passed out on the side of the road as we made the trek from the reception to the after-party. I had to take M. back to our hotel and ended up missing all of the late-night festivities. When we broke up a year later, one of the more strangely profound resentments I felt was that he’d ruined that evening for me; I should have been celebrating, not taking care of him. Keep reading »

Girl Talk: I Quit Drinking — So What?

no drinking photo

At a recent dinner party, my friend’s roommate poured guests another glass of white wine. It smelled crisp, cold, and juicy—clearly the sort of wine that prickles the gums, softens the face and transforms a summer evening into one soft-hued hum. She stopped at me. I held up my glass of sparkling non-alcoholic apple cider. “Cheers,” I said.

Three years after quitting drinking at the age of 27, I’ve accepted my role as the non-drinker at any given dinner party or social event. I’m happy with my decision to teetotal, but some of my peers are less so—for example, my friend’s roommate.

“So you’re not drinking? At all? Really?” Keep reading »

Girl Talk: When Does “Concerned” Become “Nosy”?

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend came home from hanging out with his male cousin with a startling report: the cousin had an ugly, yellowing bruise on his upper arm. The cousin also needed to buy a new cell phone because his had been smashed. We noticed his Facebook status had been updated over the weekend to say that he’d made his recent ex-girlfriend cry.

“What happened?!” I gasped. My boyfriend shrugged.

“What, you didn’t ask?” I sputtered. These two are as close as brothers. They’ll be best men at each other’s weddings. But he shrugged again and responded, “I didn’t want to be nosy.” Keep reading »

Dear Wendy: “My BFF Is In A Controlling Relationship”

Wendy is on vacation, so we’ll be posting some of her more popular past Dear Wendy columns (that some of you may have missed!) to get you through the week.

A year ago my best friend “Erin” fell MAJORLY in love over a long distance relationship with someone in Europe and this summer she moved there to be with her girlfriend. The girlfriend is still in school in another country, though, so Erin lives in her girlfriend’s hometown and they’ve only seen each other on vacations. I’m happy Erin is happy, of course, but the stuff she tells me about how her girlfriend, whom I’ve never met, for the record, treats her frightens me. She’s apparently pretty jealous and gets upset when Erin hangs out with other lesbians. She also has access to Erin’s Facebook page and email account, which means she can read all her messages. I told Erin it sounds controlling, especially since I send her emails about stuff in my personal life that I don’t necessarily want her girlfriend to read. Erin got really defensive and insists the email-reading doesn’t bother her because she has nothing to hide. I said it bothered me, though, because she shouldn’t have someone snooping through her private emails. Erin got frustrated with me, said she’s got “bigger things to worry about,” and completely changed the subject. I’m worried because Erin moved to Europe to be closer to her girlfriend and now she’s a little bit isolated from her friends and family. If this girlfriend continues to do these weirdly controlling things, I’m afraid we’re not going to know or be able to do anything about it. What more can I do? What more can I say? — Hates Snooping

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He Said/She Said: Does It Matter What Outsiders Think Of Your Relationship?

On last night’s season premiere of “My Boys” — which I watched after back-to-back amazeballs episodes of “True Blood” and “Mad Men” — there was this interesting subplot about how much friends’ opinions matter when it comes to relationships. The character of Kenny is dating this chick Stephanie, and Kenny’s friend Mike is really disbelieving that their relationship is genuine and for real. The whole thing got me thinking a bit about whether or not it actually matters what your friends and family think about your significant other. Should Kenny and Stephanie be bothering to try and “prove” anything to Mike? For this edition of “He Said/She Said,” I’ve brought in my brother-from-another-mother, John DeVore, to share his male perspective on the matter. Check out his thoughts and mine, after the jump. Keep reading »

8 Tips For Getting Along With Your Ex When You Share Friends

It’s only natural to date someone in your circle of friends. But what happens when the relationship ends? How do you handle the next pool party or skiing invitation from your buddies, when you know he’ll be there, too? Whether you part on decent terms or really really bad ones, it’s going to get awkward. If you want to keep your friends, however, you’ll need to figure out a way to get along with your ex. After the jump, eight tips for getting along with an ex in your circle of friends. Keep reading »

8 Women Talk About How They’ve Stayed Friends With Exes

Sometimes you hear women talk about how and why they stay friends with their exes and wonder how they do it. For some of us that seems impossible. After the jump, eight women share their thoughts about how they are able to keep friendships with exes. Keep reading »

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