My best friend of three years recently sent me a Facebook message out of the blue telling me that she no longer wishes to be friends, or in contact, with me. Her reasoning was that being friends with me causes her “too much stress” and she has been thinking about it “for the last two months.” The two examples she gave of me causing her stress were when I got annoyed at her at a party (when she was being rude to the host) and when I got angry at her for, at the last second, choosing to go to a job over helping me move (she told me that if I wanted her help, I would have to pay her $200!). These were two small fights that we had already discussed and (I thought) had resolved. But she told me that I should no longer contact her, and even dis-invited me to a party she’s throwing. We had plans to travel abroad over winter vacation, and she was going to come to my family’s Thanksgiving this year (for the third year in a row). Why continue making plans with me if you’re thinking of dropping me as a friend? Some of our mutual friends have hypothesized that because she and her first serious boyfriend are still in the “honeymoon period” where everything is all roses and sugar, maybe she’s rejecting any relationship that isn’t “perfect” in her mind. I had a lot of problems with depression, anxiety, and suicidal tendencies when I was younger, and basically had no real friendships until around the time I met her, and her behavior is triggering some of those old feelings. I have no idea how to handle this if she refuses to even speak to me. — Confused, Hurt, and Betrayed
Tag Archives: friendship
I regularly receive letters for my “Dear Wendy” column from women who have crushes on their guy friends and want to know if they should confess their feelings. While I do condone being open and honest, there are some good signs women can look for first to tell how their guy friends might be feeling before putting their hearts — and friendships — on the line. After the jump, 15 signs he’s probably not interested in being anything more than friends. Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from “Down on Dibs,” whose close friend called dibs on a guy they were both interested in. She said that her friend introduced her to the guy, and that she felt immediate chemistry with him and he made it clear he was interested in her, but that her friend told her she’d be furious if she pursued him. Oh, and these are 30-year-olds we’re talking about here. So, did Down on Dibs go against her friend’s wishes and pursue the guy? Is she dating him now? Is her friend talking to her? Find out all after the jump. Keep reading »
It’s “Love Yourself Week” here on The Frisky, and I totally misinterpreted what that meant. So instead of writing about socks and lube and “True Blood, I’m going to write about platonically loving myself. I’ve read my sister-from-another-mister Amelia’s epic post about the things she loves about herself, and I just read Jessica’s excellent piece. These public expressions of identity are subversive, considering the money that can be made promoting self-loathing. If everyone is pretty, who will buy apricot-scented face spackle? It’s easier to sell a cure if you give the disease away for free. What I most love about these personal whoops is that they’re introspective. In order to truly love yourself, you have to be capable of forgiving yourself for being a human tornado of emotions, fears, and appetites.
Keep reading »
It’s time again for “Dear Wendy Updates,” a feature where people I’ve given advice to in the past let us know whether they followed the advice and how they’re doing today. After the jump, we hear from Platonic Friend whose male best friend confided he was in love with her despite both of them being in relationships with other people. Platonic Friend explained to him how much she loved her boyfriend, but was sad that he seemed to be fading out of her life since his confession. I told her she should probably be relying on her boyfriend a bit more for male friendship and let this other guy figure out what’s going on with him and his girlfriend. Did she listen to my advice? Are they still friends? Find out after the jump. Keep reading »
I grew up and went to school on the east coast but now live in California. I recently got engaged and was thrilled to ask my best friend from college, who now lives in Maryland, to be my maid of honor. Because all my bridesmaids are scattered across the U.S. and the majority of my bridesmaids are on the east coast, I decided to have my bachelorette party in NYC (where one of my bridesmaids lives) over Labor Day weekend so that they wouldn’t be burdened to fly out to California. My sister from California and I booked our tickets back in June. Recently, my MOH emailed me to tell me that she doesn’t think she can make it because she’s breastfeeding her newborn and doesn’t think it would be a good idea to stay overnight in NYC. While I understand her situation, it really bothered me that she is just coming to me now. I don’t think that I could — nor do I want— to plan my own bachelorette party and I really don’t want to burden the other girls with that. Her backing out of the party = no party because no one else has planned anything. I tried to talk to her about how I was feeling and I got the impression that she thought this was beneath her because she was a “new mom” with “more important things” to worry about. I’m really saddened by the entire thing and wonder if I should still keep her as a maid of honor. What do you think? — Sad Bride
I’m 33 years old, and recently, my high school sweetheart, Michael, who I dated for almost two years and lost my virginity to, found me on Facebook. After much thought I finally hit the accept button to his friend request. I figured it’s been 15 years, we’re both grown adults now and yes, part of me wanted him to see just how fabulous I turned out. The problem is, Michael has also friended my sister, who was an 11-year-old ugly duckling when we dated in high school, but has definitely blossomed since then. It turns out, they went out to dinner the other night and my sister finds him “very interesting and good looking.” I told her I feel weird about them dating, and I swear if she wasn’t my sister I would have told her where to go the minute this happened. She could be “talking” to any of my exes and I would feel the same exact way I’m feeling now. It’s called the Girl Code and she needs to respect it. The number one rule of the Girl Code is to never date your close friends’ exes, so I think this applies double if it’s your sister. When I tell people about this situation, everyone thinks it’s wrong. Well, everyone but my sister and her friends. They say I shouldn’t have a problem with it since I’ve been happily married for 13 years and that it was over a decade ago when we were teenagers. So, who is right!? It it wrong that I still believe in the Girl Code? — Girl Code Believer
Three years ago, I went to a friend’s wedding in California. My boyfriend at the time (eventually my ex-fiance) got so drunk that he passed out on the side of the road as we made the trek from the reception to the after-party. I had to take M. back to our hotel and ended up missing all of the late-night festivities. When we broke up a year later, one of the more strangely profound resentments I felt was that he’d ruined that evening for me; I should have been celebrating, not taking care of him. Keep reading »
At a recent dinner party, my friend’s roommate poured guests another glass of white wine. It smelled crisp, cold, and juicy—clearly the sort of wine that prickles the gums, softens the face and transforms a summer evening into one soft-hued hum. She stopped at me. I held up my glass of sparkling non-alcoholic apple cider. “Cheers,” I said.
Three years after quitting drinking at the age of 27, I’ve accepted my role as the non-drinker at any given dinner party or social event. I’m happy with my decision to teetotal, but some of my peers are less so—for example, my friend’s roommate.
“So you’re not drinking? At all? Really?” Keep reading »
A few weeks ago, my boyfriend came home from hanging out with his male cousin with a startling report: the cousin had an ugly, yellowing bruise on his upper arm. The cousin also needed to buy a new cell phone because his had been smashed. We noticed his Facebook status had been updated over the weekend to say that he’d made his recent ex-girlfriend cry.
“What happened?!” I gasped. My boyfriend shrugged.
“What, you didn’t ask?” I sputtered. These two are as close as brothers. They’ll be best men at each other’s weddings. But he shrugged again and responded, “I didn’t want to be nosy.” Keep reading »