I don’t know why anyone is still talking about the friendzone. I thought we’d established that it’s a whiny, childish idea, that some people feel entitled to a friend’s romantic attraction by rights of … I don’t know, having been their friend? Or that they feel that pretending to be a friend in hopes of getting some is an OK way to relate to other people and not at all dishonest. Or that being friends with someone they think is great is a bad thing, or that they see sex as the end-all be-all of all human relationships. Yeah, definitely childish and entitled.
Of all the sort of casual, social concepts that go hand-in-hand with misogyny (you know, not rape, abuse, disenfranchisement, slavery, or genital mutilation), I think the “friendzone” is the most offensive to me. I get that it sucks to be attracted to someone and not have that attraction reciprocated. The first song I ever recorded was about my grade school crush and how he didn’t like me back. I spent years in a weird situation with another person where we both really liked each other but for one reason or another kept each other at friend-distance, which I think ultimately ruined what was a good friendship. I’ve dated a few guys who I liked better than they liked me, and vice versa. It feels insulting and off-balance, and it feels like you aren’t on the same page when you so, so thought you were.
That being said — oh well? Keep reading »
Of all the ugly emotions out there, jealousy has to be one of the worst. It can feel childish, petty and almost like a primal rage. But it’s also inescapable; jealousy is almost like an epic equalizer, because everybody feels it now and then. On the path toward emotional growth, jealousy is one of the hardest hurdles to take on because it seem like such an out-of-control, counterproductive emotion, but it can be used for good. Whether it’s competitive jealousy with friends and acquaintances or the kind of jealousy that inches its way into monogamous relationships, this crummy feeling can take us to the emotional maturity level of a 7th grader with the snap of a finger. We can’t just make it disappear, but we can find ways to handle it like (semi) grown-ups. Keep reading »
Brayden Grozdanic, a seven-year-old little boy from Vancouver, Canada, has cerebral palsy. He struggles to walk with the help of braces and faces painful physiotherapy every day. In Canada, Brayden can undergo surgery that would allow him to walk without the braces, but a much less invasive procedure is offered in New Jersey for the hefty price of $20,000.
His buddy Quinn, who is also seven, hated watching his friend suffer and wished he could help. He told CTV Vancouver News:
“After I watched one of (Brayden’s) physiotherapy things, and I saw how hard it was for him, I asked my mommy and daddy if I could build a lemonade stand to raise money.”
Keep reading »
The Leningrad Zoo in Russia became home to a stray calico cat when she snuck on the property looking for food. She somehow found her way into the zoo’s lynx closure and soon became best friends with the lynx who lived there. When the zoo saw how close they were, they decided to adopt the kitty and let the pair live together. The emotional music in this video is a little excessive, but it does help conjure up lots of thoughts about the beauty of nature and the power of BFFdom – and it also just really makes me wish I were petting a cat. [Gawker] [Image via Imgur]
There’s often nothing more isolating than being told to “cheer up” or “it’s not so bad” when in the throes of a rough patch. Even when it’s clear that a shift in perspective or a perkier outlook could make a situation seem better, it’s not always possible to just flip an internal switch and suddenly decide to feel better. A new study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology reminds us of what psychologists have been saying for years — that these “positive reframing” phrases, which we use in an attempt to create perspective, are sometimes anything but helpful. Keep reading »
Ever have a bad day? Maybe someone cut you off on the way to work, your favorite show was canceled, the last cookie in the jar was covered in mold, or you broke a bone on vacation (sigh, that would be me). Whatever it is, it’s healthy to acknowledge what’s bothering you, but don’t linger there too long. Take a few minutes to sing the blues and move on, or you may find yourself hosting a sad, pathetic pity party for one. Keep reading »
Being a gay man does not make me feel less manly or more feminine. All it does it make me more appreciative of what it means to be a woman in our society.
Granted, I have three very important women in my life — my ex-wife and two daughters — who provide me with a road map for understanding women and appreciating the connection that women and gay men share. But ever since I came out as a gay man, I discovered I had more in common with women than I ever thought possible and my respect for women has intensified. Read more on Your Tango…
My best friend Katelyn just came to visit me in Nashville for a long weekend. When we both lived in Portland, we were pretty much inseparable, and ever since I moved away a year ago, it’s been hard. We’ve been doing pretty good at the long distance friendship thing, but man, seeing her in person made me realize just how much I miss her. No matter how many new friends I make or how often we talk on the phone, there’s something so uniquely wonderful and satisfying about in-person friend time. After dropping her off at the airport (so much tears), I couldn’t resist compiling a list of some of the things I miss most about living in the same city as my beloved BFF… Keep reading »
I used to work with someone who was smart, funny, a little goofy, and relatively handsome. From his first day, I could tell that we were going to get along. Sure enough, after a few weeks, we had a routine. We smoked a morning cigarette together and discussed weekend plans. We stood next to each other at work-mandated happy hours and drank bourbon, gossiping under our breath. If I was having a horrible day, he could tell from the timbre of my typing. We were inseparable during the workday, always there for each other, able to communicate complex sentences and emotions in a few words and a glance. After a while, I told him everything — doubts about my career path, complaints about the person I was dating, and he reciprocated in kind. From the outside, it would seem that we had been dating for years. Our interactions were marked with the easy-going nature that the best relationships have. We settled into a pattern that sustained throughout the entire time we worked together. It was the easiest relationship I had ever had. Keep reading »
Hey, guess what? I’m here with good news! Stop worrying about getting married.
I know this seems sudden. It’s only a normal Friday in May and you’re probably just living your own life. But let’s be honest with ourselves. We think about getting hitched all the time. We think about marriage with awe and a sense of wonder, the way we look at marriage on Pinterest; and the pretty lace, peonies with twine around them, engagement pictures with your honey gazing at you like he NEVER has before. We also think about marriage in a state of terror and panic. When is it going to happen to me? Why are engagements popping up everywhere on Facebook but avoiding my life like the modern-day plague? Read more on College Candy…