I’ve gotten myself into a miserable situation with a good friend, who I’ll call Dave. We’ve known each other since we were kids and as we’ve gotten older, we’ve become close. I’ve always felt there was something more to us, but was never really sure, so I chalked it up to being bored with the lack of romance in my life. About a year ago, Dave made it obvious that he felt the same. The fact that we had been drinking and that he was recently single made me think that it wasn’t the best idea at the time. I explained that if our hookup wasn’t going to be anything substantial, it wasn’t worth risking our friendship over and he (glumly) agreed. The only problem is, he hasn’t dropped the idea. He’s now in a serious relationship but he still brings the idea of “us” up from time to time and at this point I have no idea what to do. I care about him a lot, more than I’ve been able to admit to anyone because I’m terrified that it could lead to something ending terribly. My girlfriends have told me that this situation is a waste of time, that if he really wanted to be with me he would and I wouldn’t be in this limbo and that I need to move on. They also say that if he talks to me like this while he’s in a relationship, is he even trustworthy? While my head thinks they could be right, my heart is torn. I worry that they’re right, but the thought of not being close with him anymore is devastating. How do I make this stop?
You talk a lot about your fears, but, honey, your fears are already happening.
You said you’re afraid of risking the friendship. Once mutual attraction was openly discussed, the friendship was compromised. You said you’re afraid of it ending terribly. Well, it doesn’t sound like it’s going that great right now, otherwise you wouldn’t have written me. Lastly, you said you’re afraid of not being close to him. It sounds like there’s already heavy distrust and mixed signals flying around left and right. Welcome to your nightmare! Keep reading »