This is what your pencil would say about you if anyone used pencils anymore. Do you know anyone who does? If I had any artistic ability whatsoever, I would remake this chart but with penises instead. [The Shelter Of Magnolias]
News recently broke that the Spice Girls are considering a reunion at the Olympic Games in London this summer. I think this is the best idea in the history of the world. In fact, I’m not sure the Olympics should happen at all if the Spice Girls’ appearance falls through. Why? Because there are 10 reasons the Olympics needs the Spice Girls: Keep reading »
There’s been a heck of a lot of talk about Portland lately, what with the Fred Armisen/Carrie Brownstein show “Portlandia,” all about how the city stuck in the ’90s with its progressive politics and its locavore restaurants and its whole DIY artisinal cheese vibe. Watching “Portlandia” was a little headsmackingly close to home for me, though, because I live in Brooklyn. And not just any part of Brooklyn — Greenpoint, which is the Polish neighborhood directly to the north of Hipster Ground Zero, Williamsburg. Since Winona lives in Portland, we decided to compare and contrast our two fair cities — after all,”Portlandia” spawned an awful Brooklyn parody called Brokelandia (don’t watch it, it’s truly appalling). The verdict? Well, we’ve got Maggie Gyllenhaal. How you like us now?
The dentist’s office is a confusing place: the sound of the drill, the smell of fluoride, the group of strangers probing at your mouth and asking you if you have a boyfriend. And you know what? It’s even worse if you start listening for innuendo. Here are 10 things my dentists have said to me over the years that might have actually been pick-up lines:
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Stop toying with us, music industry. Fiona Apple is too incredible a musician to keep dicking her fans around! Alas, that’s what record companies have always done with Fiona, from her 2005 album Extraordinary Machine to her latest album, which has been sitting in limbo for one-year-plus. But over the weekend, Epic Records CEO L.A. Reid gave us hope: on Sunday he tweeted, “Lots of good music coming from @Epic_Records in the next few weeks. Stay tuned music fans. Welcome back Fiona!” In the next few weeks? Be still my heart! I don’t understand why backed-up albums keep happening to Fiona Apple, especially since she has a solid and ardent fan base. Is it a bad string of luck? Is she difficult to work with? Can the music industry make more money off Nicki Minaj singing about a “stupid hoe”? It’s probably some combination of all three. Release Fiona’s new album, Epic Records, and I promise I’ll buy the shit out of it. [Twitter.com/LA_Reid, Rolling Stone]
The 2012 Academy Awards nominees were announced today, and while many of the movies and actors who made the list were as-expected, there were several expected names left off the list. Overall, it seemed like a subpar year for films, and it’s hard to get overly excited about the Oscars this year, but certainly some of the following faces should have been included in the nomination list. After the jump, our picks for overlooked nominees. Don’t forget to tell us yours in the comments.